Quoted from Sham a rising evil in the most unlikely of places.

Actually considering the amount of horror films about great evils appearing in small sleepy towns where nothing ever bad happens (Salem's Lot, Nightmare, Halloween, Phantasm, Phantoms to name a few)... the setting is the MOST likeliest of places. Still it works for the story being told so I hope you don't see that has a complaint, just an observation.

Not sure about the whole trying to raise the devil angle either, but I do like the idea of the Master of all Vampires.  What if it is him that is buried under the church, in fact it was built there to keep him trapped because he can't actually be killed, stakes, sunlight, fire... all have no effect on him (other then to incapacitate him for a short period)

Quoted from Gaara Actually considering the amount of horror films about great evils appearing in small sleepy towns where nothing ever bad happens (Salem's Lot, Nightmare, Halloween, Phantasm, Phantoms to name a few)... the setting is the MOST likeliest of places. Still it works for the story being told so I hope you don't see that has a complaint, just an observation.

Even in "small town" horror movies like Sleepy Hollow, the church serves as a sanctuary, not a portal to the underworld. In this script, the town's population holds their beliefs dearly, not knowing their place of worship is spawning the demons they've been conditioned to fear. I think it's pretty clever.

Thank you Shephard for checking this one out - I owe you one!

Quoted Text I like the scene where Tom finds out his father is dead. You can totally see his reaction to the news and that is because of the small descriptions you added for his facial expressions so well done.

Thanks for that, I kept coming back to this scene because it just never felt right at times. It's the introduction to Tom so I wanted to make him emotional in a a way but also that he is very cold to the fact his father has just died.

Quoted Text Page 4: Derek - Jesus F*****g christ Tom, I've just had my balls ripped out through my ears by Alex f*****g Ferguson - That line literary made me laugh out loud, mainly because im not the biggest Alex Ferguson fan.

Heh heh, I'm a Liverpool fan so you can understand why I chose him of all people!

Quoted Text OK, 11 pages in and he's just getting to Whitewood. I think it would have been better if he had got there a little quicker, it took to long in my eyes.

This seems to be a pretty big gripe with others that have read this so I am going to more then likely trim this down. I don't want to lose it completly but I can see how it slows things down more then maybe necessary - and I do need to lose pages from this whole thing.

Quoted Text Just a thought, is Whitefood a real place or did you make it up for the script, im not to sure about that?

Whitewood is not a real place as far as I know of but I "borrowed" the name as a homage to an old horror I love called "City Of The Dead" from 1960. I used that because as well as it featuring black cloacked figures and witchcraft, it had a trap door device involved in the Reese house which I was going to use in a similar style. But that idea went out the...window.

Quoted Text You should name your characters straight away when they are introduced.

Yep, got it. I will be sure to sort this out in the next re-write. I tend to get a few things mixed up sometimes on how to introduce a character, whether it is straight away or until they have been introduced by others or themselves. Thanks.

Quoted Text I like the chemistry between Tom and Anne. I've only read the first scene between them but I already believe the chemistry between them.

That is a relief. The ammount of time I spent on that dialouge was ridiculous! To read that comment makes me feel like it was worth it.

Quoted Text I dont really like the character of Adam Kendell but like the hidden fued between him and Tom.

I really wanted to work on their relationship and why they had a hostility between them. I dont think it is ever built upon from the first meeting because it never really went anywhere to be honest, but if I ever did try and write a novel with this thing I would love to explore that simply because I would have more time. There were a few things in the script, I cant remember to be honest, that I may have still kept in but I think I removed most of them because it was not leading anywhere in the direction I wanted to take this as a script.

Quoted Text The scene between Anna and Tom was a good scene, i can still feel the chemistry but i feel like the scene was ruined by the interruption of the drunk Karen, i felt like it was a little forced. Don't know yet if it is important to the script but if it isn't, i think that bit should be dropped because Tom and Anna have good chemistry without interruptions of drunk women from Tom's past, lol.

I might have to work on this because I think it is important to introduce Karen and David before they get bumped off! It's the only scene where David appears apart from his murder and although he's not exactly doing too much I think it helps to have him in mind. The same with Karen, really. If it comes across awkward and out of place then I will have to look at an alternative introduction for them.

Quoted Text Just a quick question...Who's Keith Harris?

Sorry, it's a really silly thing to have kept in!  Keith Harris was some kids TV guy back in the 80's who had this green duck as a puppet that wore a nappy and it's name was ORVILLE! I was taking the piss out of myself to be honest considering the zombies were green and I had given the shop owner such a bizarre name.

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Quoted Text Page 38: Tom reading that letter was too long in my eyes, could have been cut shorter. Maybe im just lazy and cant be bothered reading lots of dialogue at once, lol.

No, that was always a worry. It is too long and needs to be cut down. I think it could be condensed as it takes a whole page - I was thinking of a phone call but then that would take more space then the letter. Not sure how to do it yet but I agree with you that the letter is too long.

Quoted Text Page 41: Anna - Hiya, any problem finding the place? He wouldn't have a problem, he took Anna home the last time they went out for dinner, lol. Easy mistake to make though.

This was meant to be slightly sarcastic from Anna since he did used to go out with her many years ago aswell as returning her home the previous night. It was more like the old days when he would have picked her up or gone round her house. If it sounds out of sorts, it's not irreplacable so I might kick it.

Quoted Text Page 46/47: Jst a simple mistake, you've said the scene's are in the Martin's house but i think its supposed to be the Reece's house...

Many thanks for pointing this out, that's a bad one.

Quoted Text Page 50: "Tom spots the Martins outside his house and calls over to them" You should actually have him call out to them instead of saying that he did call out to them. describing that he called out to them is like reading a book rather than reading a script, imo.

Yes, you are right. I knew this when I wrote that scene but I couldnt get him to yell across the street for some reason! I think if they notice him coming out it and then walk over to him, it might come across OK. It's a small thing that I missed so thanks for bringing it back to my attention.

Quoted Text I enjoyed the scene with Tom reading the diary. You mentioned his past and i was wondering how we'd find out what his past was and you did a good job in putting it into words in a diary so good job on that.

I'm glad and relieved again this worked. I was worried this would come across like the letter from Delaney and be boring and uninteresting. I wanted to do it in flashbacks but it would have taken up so much time I felt the only way at that point was just for him to read it.

Quoted Text You seem to describe the sky to much. Most of the script is littered with descriptions of the sky and i dont know if their really important to the script. If not, their not really needed.

Yeah, it maybe does sound like a repetitive weather report but it was also an indication of Tom's mood and the changes in the environment around Whitewood. I was trying, not just to create atmosphere, but to add in that there was something natural happening and that it was a normal occurence but just that we could not see it or understand what it was.  It sounds like a load of crap and mumbo jumbo, but that was why I kept refering to the sky so much and it's apparent mood swings. It was more like a guide of sense.


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Quoted Text Page 87: You've definitely done your homework on Earthquake's and the Earth's core. The scene with Tom and Ben, I could barely understand what they were talking about because it was so complicated but it fits with the story and it's very informative so well done for doing the homework on what your writing.

Thank you again, I think the dialouge here is really a bit weak but I didnt or still dont know how else to try and explain what is happening without giving it all away.

Quoted Text Page 93: Tom going to the police station was quite intense and suspenseful, with it being dark and empty with just that one creepy police officer behind his desk, very creepy.

Again, thanks, I'm really happy that scene worked. I had written a near 8 page massacre of the police station which would have been just before that scene but it was pretty ridiculous. I went a bit gore crazy, trying to make up in case the first half never worked.  Im glad I never included it now!

Quoted Text OK, this script is picking up. Great death scene for Emily, and omg, what a death scene for Ben, getting punched right through the stomach, excellent.

Im glad you enjoyed the death scenes Thanks!

Quoted Text I dont feel like Moonlight should be storming upstairs. To add to the suspence, i feel like he should walk slowly upstairs, just taking his time, imo

Yeah, I appreciate your point but I have made almost all my villains walk slowly in the Myers trance so I just wanted this Moonlight to be a proper animal/hunter and not mess about.  I wanted it so that if he's around, you know you are in trouble and you are not likely to get out of it.

Page 103: Tom - Christ, even virgin media are quicker than this...are they really cos i

Quoted Text had virgin media and they were never quick, lol.

I HATE Virgin Media!! He was being sarcastic, of course as Virgin Media's phone service is wonderfully helpful.

Quoted Text Great description of the bungalow, although, it almost made me vomit thinking about it, lmao

Great! Thanks!

Quoted Text wow, for a normal guy, Tom certainly knew how to kill that ghoul and had the strength to rip its head in two. I'm guessing though, that they dont have very strong bone structure and it would be quite easy to rip their faces apart.

Considering they are dead, weak and pieces of brittle and mould, I have never really had a fear about zombies so I never wanted to make them a massive threat. In masses, yes. But a singular one, should never really be a problem. However, if they actually existed and I met one I would never even think about hitting one. I would be in the distance like Road Runner.

Quoted Text Didnt expect Peter to make a surprise return, although small. Just added to the fear Tom was experiencing so good job with that.

This was meant to be such a big scene and it turned out really bad. I severly shortended it so I'm glad it comes across ok.  It's like the confrontation with his father after all these years but I really dont think I needed to add that type of thing in at that moment of the script.  It was more of a Rambo moment then the more emotional angle I was trying to build up for. But Im happy it works for the time being.

Quoted Text There's a lot of good intensity here as he enters the church, especially with no dialogue and just suspenseful action.

I'm pleased that worked because there is quite a gap between the last conversation and it might have become stale and boring.

Quoted Text The end fight was good, especially with The lava and the entire town in chaos was excellent. I didn't like the surprise of Anna becoming a Vampire, I was really rooting for her to survive and that's because of how well you wrote her, i really enjoyed her character and was disappointed that she didn't survive. Im now confused by the end, is Tom dead?

Thank you, gives me the confidence to keep writing this crazy stuff and make it more original. Tom, in this version, is dead - ending up a part of the undead.

Quoted Text OMG, totally forgot about Harriet. I never saw that coming so well done with that, lol

This will probably be the finale when all is said and done.

Thank you again Shephard for reading and giving a very detailed review, much appreciated. It gives me more things to think about and I am grateful for that.

Thanks again,

Malc

Thank you Eric for your review, it will proove to be very helpful when I re-write this one.

I'm very pleased you appreciated and enjoyed the opening with Tom's drive to Whitewood and the descriptions of the town and such. It's a shame that I might have to trim this down for the sake of length but I'm still undecided about what direction the next draft will go into.
It's also a boost to my confidence that the more slow building first half seems to be the most enjoyable as I felt unsure about being able to create that type of mood and keep it interesting. Going by your review it looks like the second half was a disapointment and I can understand that. It seems that I was unable to merge the slow build into a frenetic second half convincingly and looking back, I think that was always going to be my main concern when I started writing this.

Phantasm certainly was a small influence on me writing this one, as well as a bunch of other horror movies to be honest.  I think the cloacked dwarves immidetly bring about memories of that movie but I never realized that the Tall Man from that movie would be compared to the tall figure I had here - looking at it now, it looks blatant - and I have tended to over use the "dark, hooded cloack" wearing maniac in all of my scripts so far. I must have a subconcious fetish, or I just need to be more original. Maybe both!

Quoted from ericdickson Some of the supporting characters seemed a bit forced and not executed very well. Such as Karen and David Connelly. The scene where she runs into Tom and Anna at dinner and declares her high school crush on him doesn't get concluded later in the story and just seemed weird and out of place.

It looks like this scene comes across very awkward and strange. I can see that and will look at trying to either make them more worthwhile or think about losing them in that particular pub scene. The only reason for their appearance here is so that you recognize who they are when their murder scene pops up, although I dont think removing them from this scene would seriously damage anything.

Quoted from ericdickson Also, Anna's character was supposed to be an ex flame of Tom's, but what ever happened to their relationship? Why did he leave her? This relationship seemed underdeveloped and not very important to what's happening at the church. They seemed to get back together rather quickly and I didn't understand why.

I tried hard to make this work and it was one of the most tedious but important things that I kept returning to and re-writing again and again. It looks like it still does not work.
The reason he left her and the town was down to him wanting to leave his abusive father, the pressure he felt he had on him from the town and his alcohol problem. It's not a great reason but then that's Tom - he's not a traditional hero type and I can understand if he is not particularly liked for his cowardly past. Anna seems to have forgiven him when they first meet but it has always been burning in her why he never confided in her and just upped and left without so much as a goodbye. They have both always been in love but it is only sparked again in Tom when he has returned home whereas Anna never forgot, although she has tried to get on with her life. It's pretty cheesey with the finding love out of death situation but that was the idea. I had to rush it a little because I needed Anna to disapear and for Tom to have to not run away like he did 20 years ago and "face his demons". But it looks like I might not have portrayed this as well as I would have liked. My first idea was that Anna would despise Tom and he would have to try and woo her back but it made Anna pretty unlikeable.

Quoted from ericdickson Tom's drinking problem was also a bit silly with Anna getting on him about his lying and keeping secrets from her. So what? Who the hell is she and why do we care?.

Well this is right after the night before when Tom has just told Anna everything he should have twenty years ago and it is the first time he has opened up in years.He has also told her he will never drink again and that he regrets messing everything up with her. I think she had a fair point in being annoyed because it looks like he is just a liar but from Tom's point of view - yes - Anna was a bitch here!

Quoted from ericdickson I also thought some of the profanity was written out of place with "What the f***s" popping up here and there.

Fair point. The ammount of times "What the hell?" or the alternative choice pops up is probably in double figures. I'll look at losing a few of these.

Quoted from ericdickson Although your descriptions were FANTASTIC, I just can't see myself caring too much about what went on here. Especially when all the monsters and zombies starting taking over the town.

I understand what you mean here. I was always going to write this with a combination of monsters and that is partly because I never felt confident enough that the script would work without having to go in that direction. I prefer suspence and tension over gore and random violence myself but I felt that if people hated the first part of this, they might enjoy the second and it would make up for it. It makes these reviews so important to me so I can see where I am going wrong and what I might be doing right, I've been writing for a few years now but I still feel like I have a lot to learn.
Thank you for the kind words about the dream sequences.  The lost souls explanation is that the victims of Delaney and his "mob" were never free to leave that field and had to roam in it for eternity which is why the demonic figues were gaurding the barriers. I think you know this and yes, basically, it is a cliche of attempting to revive Satan from the underworld but whether it really was Hell or not is not made clear. Its probably obvious from the first sequence and it was never meant as a twist ending to make you think "Oh, now I get it!".

Quoted from ericdickson Also, the explanation of earthquakes and lava coming from under the graveyard was a bit much to swallow. Tom seemed to know a little too much about earthquakes, right there on the spot. This dialogue was too detailed. How does he know so much about earthquakes?.

Yeah, I thought this dialouge might sound a bit dodgy and it is blatant exposition. It is possible that any person might have knowledge about certain things but it does come out of nowhere. I just needed to move things on at this point although I did spend a fair ammount of time trying to make the dialouge sound reasonable so I am a little disapointed.  Expected though.

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Eric: Although, this is an interesting premise. Is it Hell or lava? It's so silly, but would make a great Stephen King novel.

Hah, it is completly silly to be honest - absolutly ridiculous! But, hey, why stop at vampires, ghosts, ghouls and zombies when you can have earthquakes and the underworld involved too? Seriously, the lava was meant to symbolize nature having ultimate control over this good vs. evil battle and that it had the last say in the finale. Here's my  bizarre reasoning! Without lava, the earth would have remained in an ice age and I thought that was interesting, it makes lava almost like a God in that it actually helped to create life on this planet.
So, I was basically making the lava a God that had been misconstrued as the Devil and Hell by Delaney. I thought it was quite amusing because the church had been mistaken for good during the script when obviously it has been taken over for bad. Silly, yes. Absolutly nuts lol.
All in all, I think it is best left for the reader to decide if it was Hell or lava because it would probably be a lot more interesting if it was in fact the underwold downstairs. I like your idea of scientists and religous groups coming in and exploring, it is something I might consider for the next draft. I've always thought about writing something about finding the underworld and its many levels of hell depending on what sin you commited.
Well, I have to thank you Eric for the wonderful compliments you gave me - that is a real boost to my confidence and it makes spending all this time worth it. I also cannot thank you enough for the helpful points you have made here on where you felt things went wrong. I really appreciate your time and writing such a detailed review.
Thanks again,
Malc

Hi Chris,
Thanks for reading and reviewing this one and sorry for not responding quicker. I actually thought I had replied but looks like I missed this one. Apologies!

I'll start off by thanking you for the points you have made, all of which will help when I get down to rewriting this thing ( probably wont be for a little while ) and some sound advice.

Thanks for the example in where I slipped up on punctuation and grammar. It's finally clocked in my mind on how it should be used and I can't believe some of the mistake I made on this one and probably on previous scripts aswell.

Quoted from Sham Page 5 – Speaking of the car, is there any specific reason you chose this model? It never really seemed to service the story, so I’m curious. It’s not a bad thing; just questionable..You don’t need to say “silver Volvo” throughout the rest of the script. Just say ‘Volvo’. It’ll save half a page because you won’t have twenty ‘silvers’ running around. There’s only one Volvo, so it’s not going to confuse people.

It's completly random! I guess I put too much emphasis on his car and I will change it to just simply "volvo" rather than as it is now. You're right, I could save a lot of space keeping things simple in description.

Quoted from Sham Page 9 – A scene heading is needed to get back in the car. Otherwise, just say intercut between the road/Volvo so readers can make the separation themselves..

Thanks for noticing the abscence of the heading, I completly missed this one.

Quoted from Sham Page 10 – The elderly man should be immediately introduced as Orville. There’s really no point in keeping his name in the shadows for just one page. As a side note, EXCELLENT work on the dialogue so far. So easy to read, yet fresh and sometimes funny...

I can't understand why I never wrote Orville's name in his introduction, I must have got mixed up on how to introduce characters! Thanks for the comments about the dialouge, that's really pleasing for me because it's something I tend to slip up on at times.

Quoted from Sham Page 14 – “He gets out and looks up at the house. The garden is small but in good condition.” Is the garden on the roof? The order is definitely strange here....

Heh, yeah I see what you mean. Does sound a little strange. Another thing to correct, so thanks for noticing this oddity! Also goes for the small miniature JD bottles description - it seems such a daft thing to have written but such is the great thing about having others look at it. I probably could have re-read this another ten times and never noticed how ridiculous some of the things in this came out.

-Glad you liked the dream sequences and didnt find them a distraction or a bore.
-I will edit it so DELANEY is just used instead of his whole name.

Quoted from Sham Pages 52-53 – One thing I don’t like here is the transition. I think it would be more effective if, when in the church, the funeral sermon begins as a voiceover. That way, you could smoothly transition from the church to the cemetery. I think the funeral scene would be more interesting if it was trimmed down.....

That is a really good idea and it will also cut a fair bit down. I really wasnt sure how to do the funeral, try and get some emotion out of Tom and make Delaney stand out as the more blatantly obvious bad guy than just the obvious bad guy. But I like the sound of cutting it down considerably and that's a pretty nifty idea there. Thanks!

- I left a lot of things out ( such at the quake ) because it was from Tom's point of view and I wanted everything to unravel around him and so the viewer would be as surprised or confused as Tom about what was going on. That idea went down south once I realized it wasnt working so well and then I kind of went with the safe idea! Gore and blood in the latter stages! I probably would have gone back to make Karen's death and a few others more violent after I finished but I still wanted to see if people enjoyed the first half or second half better.

-I will try and speed up the background of Tom and his childhood and I agree this is currently longer than it needs to be.
-Agree with you about the scene where Tom witnesses the odd goings on. I did want this particular moment to be where Tom questions himself whether he is seeing things and for a bust up with Anna, but maybe I should have concentrated on the events that were happening. Thanks for the compliment about the imagery, it's something I love to write about, I just hope it works well when I've finished!

Quoted from Sham Page 78 – Love the knocking on Adam’s door. Now that we’ve established people have died if they answer, I’m really excited to see what happens

This is probably one of the few vampire myths I used where they had to be invited inside one way or the other to get in. In Adam's case, he had already invited Delaney over so there was no problem for them to get inside and the knocking was a sign of death at the door. Or something like that.

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Hey Scoob. I started reading this but I had to stop about less than half-way through. I'll get around to finishing it sometime in the future, maybe when you post a new draft.

I never got to the Horror parts besides the opening which, I must say, I did not like at all. It was well-written and suspenseful but it was way too "typical". How many Horror flicks open with an off-screen killing caused by an unknown threat/psycho/whatever? You know what I mean?

Anyway, I did notice that your dialogue has improved a lot since I read your other scripts (the Malevolent trilogy, I think). I liked all the characters that I got to see here. I liked the fact that it did not take place in America too (which might have contributed to your improved dialogue).

I'm too busy writing Cielo to finish reading an entire feature right now, so, like I said, what I did read was good. Keep on writing

Little nitpick--You didn't capitalize the BOY's introduction in Tom's dream.

(edit) And I suggest you change the title. "The Haunted Church"? Come on, you can do better than that

--Julio

Quoted from Sham Page 88 – “For Christ’s sake, you can’t break into a church!” Pretty much the greatest line ever..

I couldnt resist it lol

Quoted from Sham Page 96 – More knocking. Love it. I’m reminded of the ghosts from The Fog...

Just so long as you mean the 1980 version and not the remake! I love the original and I am a big John Carpenter fan but I didnt intentionally use that as an idea for the knocking, it was more about the vampires being allowed inside. But I can see the similarities. Im really pleased this worked though because I thought I might get shot down for how I described the knocking and it might have come across unintentionally funny.

- I'm really pleased the attack at Anna's worked, I tried to make it pretty intense and a situation no one would want to be in.
-The whole Delaney situation is pretty obvious, I could do with re-writing my tag line for this.
-I can see what you mean when you say I went over board on the sweating descriptions!
- Likewise with the dialouge towards the end, I went a little over the top in spelling everything out. It was like an episode of  Murder She Wrote.

Quoted from Sham Like I said, I enjoyed this script overall, but I think it needs a rewrite. The biggest thing that could service your story is a severe trimming. As much as I hate to say it, the story drags longer than it should, which is a shame because you have some fantastic characters who carry it for as long as they can. And even with your terrific writing, the only prominent flaw I can find is that there's just an abundance of it when your story is too simple. Is it possible you lose brownie points for having too much of a good thing?]...

Thank you for the massive compliment about my writing, it makes it all worth while to know you are doing something right. I agree with you about it needing to be trimmed down quite considerably and that it drags on longer then a story like this needs to. I do plan on rewriting this and everyones comments have definitly given me a lot of ideas on how to go about it, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Many thanks!

Quoted from Sham Have you ever thought about writing a novel? I can picture this being pretty compelling in that format, where the reader can really delve into the minds of the characters. It’s just something I noticed while reading, so I thought I’d ask.?]...

I would love to be able to write a novel and I do plan on giving it a crack eventually. If anything I'm kind of writing my scripts as a rough treatment for a future novel. I do intend to write this and my previous scripts up to proper format but I would love to really be able to go deeper into some aspects. Thanks for the kind words.

Quoted from Sham Great work on completing this. It really is epic for a horror film. Plenty of genre elements for diverse fans: a slow build, a steadily-mounting horror, and a rising evil in the most unlikely of places. Combine this with spectacular descriptions and memorable dialogue, and I really enjoyed it despite its flaws. Don’t be a stranger when you rewrite this. I fully believe in this script and would love to revisit it in the future.

Thank you Chris for the amazing review, some great points and ideas on how to give this an overall improvement. I really appreciate you taking the time and for the really encouraging words.

All the  best,

hey scoob. We have reviewed each others scripts before. so I thought I might give another one of your scripts a go.

I regret to say I did not enjoy this script at all.

48 pages was as far as I got until I just lost all interest in your story.

Do you realise  137 page script would make a 2 hour 15 min movie. It would want to be an epic, compelling movie to warrant that much time. Nothing much happens in the first 48 pages of your script and the pages are padded out with to many scenes of Tom drives here, Tom opens a door. Tom has a shower. Tom puts on a tie. Just meaningless stuff.

All of the stuff with Tom arrive, sort out will and bury dad should be in the first twenty pages and then gore, carnage and crazy creature stuff should kick off from 20 pages to the end.

You are a competent writer and your formatting is spot on, your dialouge is natrual and your action desciptive.

It is just the content of your story and the plot has let you down.

Before your write a script I suggest you spend a bit more time and hard work with the treatment and think about the creative details and the plot.    

Hey Tonka,

Sorry you didnt like the script and couldnt hang on a little longer for the gore to start.

It's not a typical gore story until the latter parts and Im not sure if I should have even gone in that direction anyway.

This is a rough draft, and I did post this for critique so I could cut down the size of the script and all of the posts previous have helped me in how to do this. Some say cut down the gore, some say cut the boredom of the opening. It might just be a bad script in general but it is something that I want to work with and think will be half decent when finished.

It is deliberatly slow but I know some of my descriptions go on and on, when they really need to go and go. It's probably what I enjoy the most about writing so Im probably in the wrong place but I do enjoy the process even if it does make you want to tear your hair out.

I do want to make more then just gory horror stories and this was an attempt at breaking free from that, although I ended up making it into a gore fest I dont think its much of a challenge if you keep repeating yourself in writing the same thing. This is pretty different in what I have written before ( until the latter stages ) and I dont expect everyone to like everything I write.

I think your last comment about taking more time about writing a treatment and being creative was a little harsh considering you didnt read the whole thing but thanks for making it through to where you got.

Thanks for the read