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Robert, the first thing that came into my mind with your logline was: why are the two things mutually exclusive?
With that in mind I think your log's too short and doesn't convey or tease quite enough with regard to your plot. The first scene didn't really shed further light either, except Mommy died? I read quite a bit further than that too and I'm not getting a lot of conflict in the story. Also, Is 'Actor of the Year' something you concocted for the story. Why not Best Actor?
Robert, the first thing that came into my mind with your logline was: why are the two things mutually exclusive?
With that in mind I think your log's too short and doesn't convey or tease quite enough with regard to your plot. The first scene didn't really shed further light either, except Mommy died? I read quite a bit further than that too and I'm not getting a lot of conflict in the story. Also, Is 'Actor of the Year' something you concocted for the story. Why not Best Actor?
Actor of the year, best actor, a nomination, best actor in a leading role, an Oscar, etc. I guess it depends on the situation which one I went with? Oh, and she wasn't dead. Difficult scene to write because you can't have the father come out and say hey kid, your mother's alive she just doesn't want you. Then finally, it's set in 2005 and he comes out over the course of the film.
I also had: A young movie star struggles to come of age and keep his father's love.
Okay, so go brass tacks. If you were pitching this movie how would you describe it? How would you describe it to a friend? Why would you say it's a must see?
Apologies I just don't have time to read it all at the moment
This was a longer version too at 89 pages. Same story? He comes out, meaning the character is gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that just trying to get a handle on the plot. Like I said I don't think there's enough in terms of the stakes, why, who this guy is, what he's up against, etc.
I don't have a problem with loglines like a lot of people do. But I need a bit more info re story to help you out.
Current Log Line: A young movie star on the cusp of his first Oscar, falls in love, risking everything.
I'm not great with log lines, but I try. You can view the first scene, script via the link in my sig. Thanks, y'all.
I'd nuke it and start over. The problem is about 4 billion people fall in love. So, we know by definition that falling in love doesn't inherently mean risk.
"risk everything" is a poor choice for any logline as it is too general - e.g., his life? is his life in jeopardy?
Reading the first scene provides a zero to work with in terms of a logline.
I'm assuming there is a chance that you have the wording backwards. Just guessing. Is it really something like:
An actor on the cusp of his first Oscar, risks his career in order to ----
And after the --- write what ever his new goal/challenge is.
Okay, so go brass tacks. If you were pitching this movie how would you describe it? How would you describe it to a friend? Why would you say it's a must see?
Apologies I just don't have time to read it all at the moment
This was a longer version too at 89 pages. Same story? He comes out, meaning the character is gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that just trying to get a handle on the plot. Like I said I don't think there's enough in terms of the stakes, why, who this guy is, what he's up against, etc.
I don't have a problem with log-lines like a lot of people do. But I need a bit more info re story to help you out.
Here are some jist/highlights.
Richard (dad) tells Merrick (as best he can) his mother has abandoned him at 7 - at Highland park
Merrick and his father, Richard, move heaven and earth to prove her wrong.
His mother was also an actress, and her declining career destroyed yer. (Richard fear for Merrick).
Merrick's film "Train to Nowhere" is a hit, leading to Oscar buzz.
Merrick chooses an artsy fartsy film "Without Noah", where he plays a gay character which Richard detests.
The writer of the "gay film" is Cameron, his future love interest.
"Without Noah", is auto-biographical, but audience doesn't know that yet.
Traumatic dreams play throughout of a young boy being molested, if not worse, but we're not entirely sure who it is.
Merrick and Cameron get close, then learns Cameron's "Without Noah" is a story about HIS first love.
Noah killed himself, both in the script and in real life. (this cross-currents with Merrick and Cameron)
Merrick helps Cameron navigate a disastrous return home.
Lot a shit happens in Oklahoma, but it's mostly Merrick helping Cameron find closure with Noah's mother.
Eventually
Merrick's mother actually dies, and he sees her face for the first time in 13 years - in her casket.
He only has 1 parent left. Afraid if his father knows the truth he'll lose him.
We show the park so the audience knows where it is in current timeline.
Merrick tries to push Cameron away, but it doesn't work, only pushes Merrick to
..Come out twice in one night. [*]Merrick and his love interest finally kiss.
As we fully learn the full extent of his father's trauma - raped by another man as a child.
Their kiss was photographed. (damn Paparazzi)
Richard, who's been haunted by these horrific dreams of rape the closer Merrick got to Cameron, see's the photos
hoping they're "for the film", Merrick won't confirm the lie.
Richard loses it and completely flips his shit. This kind of altered the story - Richard's got more shit to get through at this point, than Merrick.
Merrick leaves. (the prison)
Richard's girlfriend whom he won't marry, Vivian, she also has to leave after she hears/witnesses his tirade.
Richard is at his bottom and starting to miss the little guy and feels like shit.
Of course, rumors start, media going crazy and the new film he's working is pulled.
eventually, Richard is flipping through family photo album but only sees Merrick's photos as some Hollywood
executives keep talking shit about Merrick in the background.
Richard has his breakthrough/breakdown at that moment, which makes a lot of people cry, storming out of the house.
Leading him down the drive way, the mail man is there and hands him a letter. It's Merrick's Oscar nomination letter.
Richard continues walking down the street, emotionally, with the letter in his hands as he ends up at the park back on that same damn bench.
Of course, Merrick also shows up at the park.
This is a difficult scene where Richard apologizes, confesses (as best he can) about his trauma.
They largely reconcile. Then Merrick reads the letter - he's been officially nominated for the Oscar.
After this it's buttoning up some minor stuff, leading into..
Merrick's acceptance speech where he talks about being abandoned and how it motivated him to prove her wrong, but in doing so started to lose sight of who he really was, falling in love and how he'd not be up there were it not for his father.
And he ends the speech with a renewed strength - He's growing up.
Richard's girlfriend is not at the Oscars as Richard looks at her empty seat,
Then the finally, citing Merrick's courage, proposes to her and she says yes.
Then some final funny or feel good scenes for closure.
Feel good scenes/closure of Merrick is writing something he doesn't want Cameron to see.
It's a screenplay titled American Star as we fade out.
I cannot wait to write a script that has an asteroid impact, or killer dinosaurs to work with. Oh, and no the 2008 version should be burned for all of eternity. This is is a final reworking of the idea put in time frame of around 2005 to lock it in, and then modernized a bit. Once I'm done at this point I will never open this back up again. LOL
I'd nuke it and start over. The problem is about 4 billion people fall in love. So, we know by definition that falling in love doesn't inherently mean risk.
"risk everything" is a poor choice for any logline as it is too general - e.g., his life? is his life in jeopardy?
Reading the first scene provides a zero to work with in terms of a logline.
I'm assuming there is a chance that you have the wording backwards. Just guessing. Is it really something like:
An actor on the cusp of his first Oscar, risks his career in order to ----
And after the --- write what ever his new goal/challenge is.
New log line: A writer off's himself after attempting to write a log line.
A young movie star on the cusp of his first Oscar, comes of age and falls in love, only to surface a painful family secret which threatens to tear everything apart.
Will check this out more (the chronology you posted) when I'm more awake.
As for your last one, it'd be better as:
A young movie star on the cusp of his first Oscar, comes of age and falls in love, only (only for a dark family secret to resurface) to surface a painful family secret which threatens to tear (threatening to destroy not only his burgeoning career but...
A young movie star on the cusp of winning his first Oscar... when a (painful? - painful is not threatening or high stakes enough if you're talking about him losing everything imho) (take someone like Spacey or Weinstein - 'painful' doesn't even come close when careers are all but destroyed. It would be, imho, a dark family secret resurfaces or is exposed, threatening not only his...
Also: comes of age is a bit tame - usually indicates reaching adulthood (is that what you mean?) maybe: finally achieves success, or, hits the big time in Hollywood, or: emerges as a big star in Hollywood when...
So, he's emerging as a major Hollywood star, he falls in love, then a long buried family secret is exposed which threatens to destroy not only his burgeoning career but the love of his life as well. That sum it up?
I'll come back to this.
Also, Robert, PM Don and ask him to remove your old script listing.
Will check this out more (the chronology you posted) when I'm more awake.
As for your last one, it'd be better as:
A young movie star on the cusp of his first Oscar, comes of age and falls in love, only (only for a dark family secret to resurface) to surface a painful family secret which threatens to tear (threatening to destroy not only his burgeoning career but...
A young movie star on the cusp of winning his first Oscar... when a (painful? - painful is not threatening or high stakes enough if you're talking about him losing everything imho) (take someone like Spacey or Weinstein - 'painful' doesn't even come close when careers are all but destroyed. It would be, imho, a dark family secret resurfaces or is exposed, threatening not only his...
Also: comes of age is a bit tame - usually indicates reaching adulthood (is that what you mean?) maybe: finally achieves success, or, hits the big time in Hollywood, or: emerges as a big star in Hollywood when...
So, he's emerging as a major Hollywood star, he falls in love, then a long buried family secret is exposed which threatens to destroy not only his burgeoning career but the love of his life as well. That sum it up?
I'll come back to this.
Also, Robert, PM Don and ask him to remove your old script listing.
Hey, LC thanks for helping. And yes, that's the highlights - at least what I'd want to stuff into a log-line. Unfortunately, I may need to add more to that outline. Not sure how the fuck I wrote this thing.
The big thing I notice is you're leaving the homosexual angle out of the logline altogether when it's a pivotal part of the plot, and I gather a reason he stands to lose everything?
You just refer to it as falls in love. Nothing wrong with that per se, I just wonder if it should be a part of your logline. I'll reserve judgement until I've read the entire thing.
Is Hollywood still like this with gay actors? Maybe they are still, I dunno. Maybe they were more so fifteen years ago.
I'll give you some notes when I'm finished.
P.S. Where is this current script posted? It's in your link but not uploaded to the site? Maybe it's in WIP.
The big thing I notice is you're leaving the homosexual angle out of the logline altogether when it's a pivotal part of the plot, and I gather a reason he stands to lose everything?
You just refer to it as falls in love. Nothing wrong with that per se, I just wonder if it should be a part of your logline. I'll reserve judgement until I've read the entire thing.
Is Hollywood still like this with gay actors? Maybe they are still, I dunno. Maybe they were more so fifteen years ago.
I'll give you some notes when I'm finished.
P.S. Where is this current script posted? It's in your link but not uploaded to the site? Maybe it's in WIP.
It's difficult to describe how different things were 15 years ago. Lol. Obama and Clinton were both pretending to be against gay marriage back then. As the story unfolds, well, I guess you'll see, yeah I have it listed here under work in progress. Thanks for reading it and helping out.
The abandoned son of a former actress is on the verge of his first Oscar nomination at the young age 20. As he falls in love and comes out, he risks his career and unearths a secret which threatens to destroy the only family he has left.
After reading popular log lines, I see, log lines are not made for us. They're made for fatasses who won't read our scripts.
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American Star - Log Line
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just trying to get a handle on the plot. Like I said I don't think there's enough in terms of the stakes, why, who this guy is, what he's up against, etc. 
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