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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Aloha Mother - Logline Moderators: LC
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  Author    Aloha Mother - Logline   (currently 96 views)
Poiboy1935
Posted: January 28th, 2024, 9:10pm Report to Moderator
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Here's my Logline


Following the death of their matriarch, a Hawaiian family reunites at her home to pay tribute to her life and confront long-standing conflicts between them.


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LC  -  January 28th, 2024, 10:21pm
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LC
Posted: January 28th, 2024, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
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This reads fine, if a little light on whatever the stakes might be?
Is it just a family drama? Anything (apart from the Hawaii setting) to make it stick out from the crowd?


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SAC
Posted: January 30th, 2024, 6:47am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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What Libby said. Where’s the stakes and the conflict? Basically, exactly what are the stakes and conflict? As is, all we know is that there are some issues to sort through. Don’t have a main character here who’s the focus of this family drama? Then we need to know that too, along with what the conflict is.

Steve


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