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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Dead Dilemma - Log Line Moderators: LC
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  Author    Dead Dilemma - Log Line  (currently 552 views)
Kevin_L
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 11:19pm Report to Moderator
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He took it down.  It was in,  Works In Progress.
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LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 11:48pm Report to Moderator
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Okedoke, thanks for that Kevin.


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Kevin_L
Posted: February 9th, 2024, 12:01am Report to Moderator
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You're welcome! I probably should have just PM him to not cause confusion.
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SamIHam
Posted: February 9th, 2024, 7:06am Report to Moderator
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Yeah I decided to just post the whole thing in a week or so.

Will work on the logline before though. Lots of food for thought.
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kcranford
Posted: February 9th, 2024, 8:20am Report to Moderator
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Well, it’s morning so here’s my two cents worth as promised:

After an alcohol-fueled night out, a young woman encounters a suicidal man who steps in front of her speeding vehicle. With her checkered past, multiple run-ins with the local Sheriff  and now a bloody trail leading directly to her, she makes the fateful decision to flee, taking along the corpse as well as her drunken lover, the Sheriff’s son.



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LC
Posted: February 9th, 2024, 8:44am Report to Moderator
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Kathy, this is hard to concoct considering none of us are really sure of the plot, but that's pretty good.

Might I suggest so that you're not doubling up on the word sheriff you change the first mention to -
multiple run-ins with the law.

And flee the state border/lines maybe?


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SamIHam
Posted: February 9th, 2024, 9:22am Report to Moderator
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Though certain plot details are different, there's definitely a lot to work with.
I'm gonna be getting this done in the next few days. Will get the script posted soon enough if anyone is interested. It's complete but I'm dyslexic, knowing people give up time to read other people scripts I want to make sure I proof read the best I can. If I don't get it done by then will simply post work in progress the first 60 pages or so/ out of 98.
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SamIHam
Posted: February 12th, 2024, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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Here's the most recent attempt. It's a combination of wording from people's suggestions and comments.

When a jumper crashes into her moving car, a grease monkey known for her casanova act fears the Sheriff who has been on the prowl ever since she risked the Sheriff’s son's life, she makes a fateful decision to flee with the suicided corpse on this night to remember.

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