I just got done writing a scene in part 2 that is rather shocking and scary. I believe i wrote this part pretty dang good. Part two i would classify as more of an adventure and it is longer then part one becuase more things are taking place.

Andrew

Official release date for episode two will be: April 17th.

Andrew

i posted a part of part 2 in the work in progress section. PLEASE read it and comment i really need it. I want to know if its okay.

No. Post it all or e-mail me the first draft and I will read it, I'm not reading five pages then waiting til three weeks to see the rest!

hahaha. im not done writing it. lol ill email u when it comes up tho.

Andrew

Hi Andrew,
I just got done reading this, and I want to echo the other's reviews.
For the dialogue, read it out loud to hear what it sounds like. You'll find the places where it needs a little work.

I enjoyed the scares you had here. They were good.   Would be great on screen. The ending needs a little TLC. I know if I'd been in an auto accident where my boyfriend had died, I would be trying to revive him, shake him, ya know. And when that girl showed up like that and did what she did, I wouldn't just stand there then walk off. I'd try my boyfriend again. She got hurt, so maybe she would walk off staggering with her arms wrapped up around her head or something ...

Are you going to post the rewrite?

I am rewriting all 10 episodes and adding more scenes then putting it all together and release it as a full length script.

Andrew

What i would like to call the 'unrated' version will come out shortly after part two. It will have all the mistakes (hopefully) corrected with about 5-10 extra pages. Including an extended scene at the Ambience Muesuem.

Thanks,
  Andrew

Episode Two should be up soon and i just started work on part 3. I am also fixing up and adding scenes to part 1. I found some mistakes and i added some more lines and scenes. I also made the hallway scene like 30 seconds longer. Please tell me if this is better then what i already have up:



Allison and Tom are walking down a dimly lit hallway.


Allison
So what exactly brings you here?


Tom
I have been told Ambience Inc. is one of the top haunted places ever.


Allison
Haunted? How come I have never heard of this?


Tom
Well back in the 1800’s this building was said to be the place where Lucifer fell from Heaven.


Allison
Lucifer fell? I’m sorry but I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell.


Tom
Maybe you should… cause your there.


Suddenly all the lights go out.


Allison
What the fuck? Tom?


Tom does not answer.


Allison
Tom where the hell are you?


Allison looks around even though she can’t see anything. She swings her hands around hoping to feel Tom. She can not feel anything.


Allison
Tom please answer me!


No answer from anyone. Suddenly drips start hitting the floor. They echo down the hallway. Allison starts breathing even harder signaling that she is scared.

Suddenly the lights flicker on and off for a brief second. A demonic creature is shown standing about 10 feet away from her. Allison screams. The lights flicker on and off as it gets about 10 feet closer. The lights then stay off.


Allison
Oh my god.

Suddenly the lights come back on for a brief second reveling the creature that is standing right in front of her.




I know this is only a little bit added. I am still working on it. I am also adding some more suspense to the script and extending the scene in the restaurant. After i read it, it seemed a little rushed so on that note i will probably re-do the whole scene.
And this is my rating for the whole series in case you are interested:
RATED R FOR: Strong Violence/Gore, Terror, Disturbing Images, Thematic Material, Language and Sexuality/Nudity.


Thanks

Andrew

I will post Contagium Episode Three in the work in progress section about 2 days after this is up.

Andrew

FADE IN:

Allison is walking down a dark road. No life is around.

Allison (V.O.)

These last few days... has been hell.


A flash of images occur.
IMAGE ONE- a little boy standing in the middle of the street. Blood is all over his shirt.
IMAGE TWO- Allison standing in a hallway as the light suddenly go out.

BLACK SCREEN

Allison (V.O.)

There is no way to fight the evil


IMAGE THREE- Blood pooring from walls inside some kind of building.

Allison (V.O.)

All i know, is i am alone.


FADE IN:
CONTAGIUM EPISODE TWO

COMING SOON TO A SERIES BOARD NEAR YOU.

Thanks for getting episode two up Don. Everyone please read if you read episode one. Thanks again.

Andrew

I plan on reading this also sometime in the next few days.

As will I, looking forward to this one Andrew.

I liked this, it has a lot of potential, you know.

The opening works, though there's a bit to much discription about her that you couldn't. I like how you build up the opening as a typical day, the dialogue between her and her boyfriend works well.

It has a nice atmosphere, too. I take it the Ambiance company she works for is the same one from "The Unknown", right?

The ending left me wanting to read the second episode.


** 1/2/**** since it still needs a rewrite...