Anyone else read this?

Also Contagium Episode Three will be released next week because i wrote a lot today. So you wont have a very long wait for ir.

I will submit Episode Three on Monday. So it should be up for you to read sometime next week. I will start writing Episode Four next wednesday. I think episode three has one of the best scare scenes out of the whole series so far. So i hope you like it.

Okay i did a lot more writing and i just submitted it today. It should be up soon.

Contagium Episode 2

I liked this one, so far it's better then the first episode. Her wandering up the road reminds me a bit of "Dead End."
The dialogue between Allison and the Man in the car plays off nicely, though the demon appearing is a bit too abrupt, you may want to keep the monsters in the shadows, you know. I think had you made that scene one where the reader holds their breathe the pay off would be a lot scarier.
I like the fog, it works, and it adds atmosphere, I think you should add more of it since it seems to go by too quickly.
The episode worked and again shows a lot of promise, I like the ending for this, you have a knack for cliffhangers.
The main thing is you have to keep certain things in the shadows.

I like the characters and this has a lot of promise, but I still see this working better as a feature script then a series.

***/*****

thanks. this will be put in a feature script once its all done. about 120 pages cuz i am gonna add some stuff also.

and wait until you see the ending for episode three. your gonna yell at me cuz u are gonna want to know what is going to happen. trust me you will be mad. haha.

Just a few question for everyone.

1) What do you think of Allison?
2) Do you actually enjoy the series?
3) What could i do to make it better?
4) On a scale from 1-10 how good is this so far.

Thank for reading this and thanks 'if' you answer.

Andrew

1: I like her, though she needs to be developed a bit more, you know.

2: I like the series, though again I think it'd work better as a film.

3: When you convert it to a film mix the episodes together, perhaps you could even start off with her walking down the road.

4: 6 or 7 as of now, it still needs work but is quite good.

Episode Three is now up. I hope you all like it.

Episode Four will be about a month wait because i am gonna try and write a lot of The Recluse. I hope you all enjoy episode three.

So episode 3... You can tell you rushed this one a bit Andrew because the dialogue is nowhere near up to your usual standards. Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving the story and it is still scary as hell, but I don't think there was one line of dialogue that you could say aloud exactly as its written. Its nothing that can't be fixed anyway (if you ever need an eagle eyed pedant to edit it I'd be happy to help).

Back to the story, I think you've done a good job of calming it down from the quick fire scares of the last one without it losing the fear factor. The first episode was a good introduction, the second was bang bang bang scary s**t, this one actually starts to fill in the story, so far I think your pacing has been spot on.

The only disappointment is that three episodes in, I'm still not sure I know or relate to Allison as a character, she doesn't seem to have much of a role other than running around being terrified. Which is pretty normal for a horror film, but in this particular story she is the only constant, everything (and everyone) else is turned on its head, as a reader/viewer I don't know what is real or what is fake so it's Allison, and her reaction, that keeps the whole thing grounded and therefore scary. What I am trying to say, in a very round about way, is that you need to flesh the character out a bit. Even if you just give her one really obvious personality trait - sarcastic, cool, practical, dumb, girly, insane - that then informs and explains her reaction to everything she sees, because at the moment I'm not buying it.

Very scary moment when she sees George hanging, but then it happens again? Loses shock value the second time. I must admit though the whole thing with George freaks me out - like I said before, there is just something about children in horror films that is guaranteed to terrify me.

I got a bit confused by the guy in the woods - he says he can't find the town, but he also says he went back and found it empty? He can't leave the woods, but he  can call the police to help him search for the town? I'm not sure if you have done this on purpose, if so wouldn't Allison pick up on it?

Excellent cliffhanger by the way, you were right!    

Thanks for the review. I will change the dialoge without a doubt. And i episode four will explain Allison more because the episode will have her biggest part/shock ever. (Besides the ending) I'm glad you like the series. Also i forgot to add a conversation about the man. I forgot to add that he explains to Allison that he lived in the town and when he went back everyone was gone and he had some kinda panic attack and he got chased in the woods. While he was in the town he called the police. Sorry i forgot to add that everyone .   Thanks again

Yeah the ending is a nice cliffhanger, though the story does lag in parts and the dialogue did feel stilted.

**1/2/*****

Er. thanks lol. This is where the actual story starts to unfold and everything starts to get thrilling and shit. thanks.

Anyone else planning on reading this?