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Thanks for reading Enganches! Grammar (I know English isn't your first language, so I won't post everything). -Aubrey says "I don't like your eyes" twice. I don't know if this was an accident or you left it in for effect, but it's nothing major.
I wondered where this was gonig until the ending. You said something about the mother being "cruel" in your last post (I think that's what you meant,), but I disagree. Maybe prostitution is all her mum could do to make money, and the giraffe was quite a nice present (despite Aubrey's disllike).
In a way, this reminded me of "uptwon Girls", except I like this. I htink you could have hinted at where you were going before the end, but otherwise, there arn't too many gripes.
I was expecting a lot more with this script. The way you described the giraffe, I was expecting it to be come to life and attack Aubrey (a la Twilight Zone). Even your synopsis above (IMHO) suggests a little danger.
While I understand that Aubrey doesn't like the gift, I think she went to extremes with it.
Thanks for your read. In fact, to Aubrey, the giraffe is the way to take revenge over her mother. She associates the toy with her mother (well, I don't think she would enucleate her mother). In fact, the giraffe is a real animal to Aubrey. You know sometimes how cruel are the children. It's just a story about child loneliness.
Quoted from dogglebe
I was expecting a lot more with this script. The way you described the giraffe, I was expecting it to be come to life and attack Aubrey (a la Twilight Zone). Phil
I liked the start, how this giraffe seemed like it was watching Aubrey, it had a creepy feel to it, but then it really goes nowhere, the imature person in my kinda wanted the stuffed animal to start going on a murder spree, that would have been kinda cool.
I did like how it ended, with the mother and all being a whore or a stipper, I'm not sure which, seems like this takes place in amsterdam or something.
in the end this had it's moments, a good opening and ending, I just felt it didn't do much in the middle.
Michel, this is the best thing I've ever read from you. I "get" it -- and really like it.
It is visual and moving and would cost about 30 bucks to make it.
You might start off describing the room a bit less. You go into quite a bit of detail there for such a short script.
And I would not have Aubrey read the note to us. I would have it read as a V.O. from an adult woman.
A microwave dinner takes about 3-5 minutes, or even longer. You are going to have Aubrey humming for that long? Just show her putting it in, then cut to her eating at the table later.
This thing with the eyes is great. I like all of that segment, from start to finish.
I might have the boys kick the giraffe some, but I would have the giraffe itself washed away by the filthy waters of the gutter as opposed to just the note. The story still ends the same way, of course, but it is a more realistic and poignant fashion for the giraffe to make its journey, I think.
Again, I like this one quite a bit. Nice work for five pages.
Mon ami, Michel, I love this one. Realy I thought it will run to a scare movie, but you drove it very inteligent sendding us to a very good endding. The giraffe to me represented Aubrey's loneliness and about the simbolism of the eyes taken was valious way to say "I wont to see that my mother is a prostitute". Your little script is filled of great metaphors.