I decided to read this one based on the title alone. It's brilliant, really. The two endings in one script was different but refreshing. I think I like the first ending better. It's much more clever and there's definitely some ambiguity there as to whether or not Barry is clever for making up a lie to defuse an awkward situation or not clever and actually mistaking Renee for someone else. Shakes things up a bit. The second ending isn't nearly as interesting and people could easily miss the point.

Anyway, a short and sweet read. Not a lot happens, per se, but there's a lot that could've happened. I like that.

Hey Mike

I thought this was really good.  The awkwardness of Barry was very funny but I'm not sure about talking to the wrong girl?  I thought at the end he was gonna whip out a pair of glasses for a better look at Renee after realising he was chatting up the wrong person.

The two endings was different and I liked both, probably prefering the first though.  Although the second shows just how shallow we can be.

Good stuff.

Hey guys,

Thanks for checking it out.  I'm glad people are catching Barry's awkwardness, since I was a little afraid that people would complain about the dialogue being redundant and miss it, so I'm glad I hit that point.

Personally, I like the first ending better myself, but I do think it has to tie in with the mistaken identity angle.  Sure, it could be switched around a little I guess, but in another way I don't think it would be as effective.

James,

I'm glad you liked the title, and that you were able to find "something from nothing".  I have a habit of writing scripts like that sometimes.

LOL! This one was great, Mike. It made me laugh even though it was just a brief conversation. Barry was such a dork, but likeable. I really liked this a lot. xD

As for the ending, I'd go for the second one. It's funnier. The first one was funny too in a jackassy way, but the other one was more light-hearted and just as good. But how is it not possible to mix both endings? Just have him insult Renee like in the first ending. She leaves really pissed and THEN the other woman shows up, giving way to ending #2. Sounds good to me, but it is your call.

Either way, it was a nice script. A quick, entertaining five-pager.  Nice job.

--Julio

    

Hey Mike,

it's been while since I've read anything of yours. I like this script. Oddly enough, I gave this script wo reads: the first with the description and the other with the dialgoue alone. The dialgoue tells the story, something I haven't seen. It shows your hard work in making the story move.

The two endings work for me. The first one is comical in that the vendor guy talked to the wrong female. That was funny. But it makes me think that she would nee to look almost exactly like the other girl he intended to talk to you in order for that ending to work.

The second ending leaves the tale in good hopes. There's more fish out in the sea type of ending. But still comical.

Hope any of this helps,
Gabe  

Very well done, brother. I also vote for the first ending. Well paced (if you can say that for a short) and well written. Your writing is very natural at sounding quirky. I can see this as a scene in a movie introducing the hero of a romantic comedy.

Good job.

James

Hey guys, thanks for the reads.

Julio,

I think the first ending is a little different than the norm, since I've definitely seen the "guy fails and tries the exact same line on someone else" method done before, but I think combining the two could confuse things.  It would go from being a complete and total misunderstanding to the second ending, and would leave people wondering if it was a mistake in the first place.  That's my take on it anyway.

Gabe,

I'm glad you found the dialogue alone could make the story move.  I've pretty much accepted the fact that I am and always will be a talky writer, and as long as I don't cause things to drag, I can deal with it.  In regards to the mix up, had I included the second woman in that ending, she would have looked very similar to Renee.

James,

It's funny you should mention the intro scenario, since I've been thinking of using this in a feature I have in the works, which I'll probably be able to get to sometime before the end of the decade.  It won't be an intro per se, but I think it will give more to the hopelessness of the character.

Thanks again for reading.

Hey Mike,
I missed this one somehow.
I thought this was a very good script, too.

The guy's ackward and shy acting, so I wouldn't like to see him turn into an ass as with the first ending.

My vote is for the second ending.  

And I agree with bert as to him having candy, gum or mints as a gift for her...
AND when he calls out to the other woman, maybe he could pull out a candy bar from his pocket as he is chasing after her...???

I liked it though, Mike.

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Thanks for reading.  I agree that he does turn into an ass in the first ending, but I thought that his 180 was a big source of the humor in it.

I think I will be using the candy bit when I rewrite.  My initial concern was that the pile on would be even worse given that not only would the girl look like the other one, but they'd also like the exact same candy.  Luckily I was able to find a way around that.

Thanks again.

Mike,

Had a few minuts to spare so thought I would check your script out; the title was what captivated me the most. I like the way this plays out, kind of like a joke. It's smart, concise and the dialogue is spot on.

Early this morning I waked up decided to read what was up on the Unproduced Script of the Day in SS, so I went there and for my surprise it was a Mike Sheton�s masterpiece. Cupidity.

I loved it just not for its simplecity and easy Mike's writing, but for the story itself. It wasn't completed without the second end. For me it has to have the two options! Congrats Mike. Long, long time I didn't read anything from you, dude! It was a pleasure indeed!

cheers
Helio

Hey Helio,

Thanks for checking it out, and for pointing out that it's the script of the day.  I hadn't even looked at it yet today.

I haven't had much time to submit anything to SS lately, but I like doing these little one off shorts every once in awhile, and I'm glad the feedback has been relatively positive.

Thanks again.

This was very nice, and I agree with Bert about the candy/snack thing and with McCornetto that "She's to perfect."  I felt she was to perfect when she actually put her arm around his neck,  I don't know about you, but only on the rarest of occassions other than possibly a floozie at a pick up bar would the female who is a "complete stranger" to me, with doubts about who I was go about putting her arm around my neck in such a "perfectly sweet" way.  This reminds me of the commercial with the dialog:  "If suddenly a man you never knew before runs up to you with a bouquette of flowers........"      I suppose you might get away with it if there was a way to show us that she is the flirt or something. Is she dressed like a hoe? Is she chewing bubble gum like a cow chewing cud? Go with the first ending all the way!  For some reason, if this were the late eighties or early 1990's I see Tom Hanks doing this Barry character really well.  Maybe you have the opening to a really good romantic/comedy going here.  Well best wishes with it...................Al

ajnemeth@sbcglobal.net

Hey Al,

Thanks for reading.

I liked the candy aspect of it myself, and have since incorporated it into a new draft, but since that was the only change I decided not to post it here.

As far as the hand on the shoulder thing goes, I agree that it's a little odd, but I wanted to convey a sense that Renee kind of feels sorry for Barry, and that seemed the best way to do it without being totally blatant in the dialogue.

Her style of dress is what someone would wear to work, professional I guess, since that's where she's coming from.

Thanks again for the read....much appreciated.

This was a good script. Very clever title and well-written. Barry was a very good character, jumped right off the page. I prefer the first ending better-- it's more surprising, I think, because I feel for Barry, want him to get the date, and feel bad for him when he doesn't, so I found it more surprising and entertaining to find out he had mixed up the faces.