Thanks for the read dkw208, credit has to go to Mark for the change in the ending. Didn't go with exactly what he suggested but took his idea of giving it a happy twist.
I wasn't happy with the title either, but wanted a title that didn't give away the ending.
I can see what you mean about the holding hands but they both felt a strong connection straight away and felt comfortable with it.
I think maybe for the not knowing how he could get home he could just stop and look around, arms out wide. It was just a comedic part though so if that got lost don't think it would take anything away.
Pleased you enjoyed it anyway.
I'm currently working on a short(possibly a feature) a little closer to the kind of films I like to watch. Gonna work on it alot before posting it though so Mark doesn't have to correct my errors haha
Sorry for any typos, I read it through a few times and spell checked it so thought it was all clear.

yeah, i agree, holding out arms would will read i think

Wow.  Tons times better than the original, and I even liked the original.  (Lol.  And it's not just because of the change in the ending, either.)

I could definately tell you put some thought into this one now.

In the first draft I read, a lot of the funny parts were very forced, almost like the sitcom 'Saved by the Bell'.  Just regular same old  jokes that would have only gotten a laugh out of a twelve year-old.  But I honest to God laughed from my gut when I read this version.  There was some very true humor here.  When Pete told Anna "I should have thought of that to shut her up" when he saw some stranger kissing the blonde, was my favorite part.  I even stopped and played it out in my mind after I read that.

And you managed very successfully to bring Anna up from a one-night stand to a prim and proper, and ultimately, very likable and well-rounded character.  Even Alex was likable now because he wasn't forced upon us.

Excellent job on the formatting, also.  It flowed really well and breezed right through it.

An amazing rewrite with this, Stephen.

- Mark

Hey Stephen,

I don't know how the first draft ended (but going through the replies here I'm guessing it ended at a funeral instead of a wedding - forgive me if I'm wrong).

Having just read You Can Keep The Dog I thought this script here is much better written. Okay, my formatting notes on You Can Keep The Dog still goes, but this worked much better cos' you had a really good build up and then pulled a major twist in the end. About the twist though, it did seem a little too melodramtic that Pete cries on the day of his son's wedding - that's usually reserved for the mothers   - and because of this the twist seems a bit forced.

I think it would work better if the story was about Anna and how she met Pete, and not vice versa.

My 0.2

Cheers
Rob

Cheers Mark/Rob for the reads. This one is probably the one I'm most happy with so far, although the one I'm doing now is a proper idea.
Rob, Pete is a new-age kind of guy and very sensitive lol real men can cry too ya know lol I take your point tho.
My scripts at the moment are just at a level where I'm trying to nail formatting, structure etc so if the story is a good one then it's a bonus.
Mark, I liked that line too. Seemed easy to write that situation, think I've been there too many times haha

I was just wondering if my use of 'cut to' and 'continued' is wrong in this script? Just been reading the forum about proper formatting and it seems I'm still making mistakes. Cheers for the help.

Generally the use of 'cut to' and 'continued' is frowned upon... but it's not really breaking any rules.

~Zack~

Also, the CUT TOs are redundant cos' the writing itself should clearly show whether it's a new or a continuating scene.

Thanks you two. I've had a look at the options on celtx, so should I take it off for dialogue and scene breaks (the continueds i mean)? The CUT TOs being redundant was what I gathered from what I read.