Thank you for the read, Jonny.

Quoted from JonnyBoy This was an enjoyable read. It was bizarre, but in a positive way.

Thanks. Yes, it came off more bizarre than intended.  I just went with the flow and by the end, could not go back to make any changes. It was a deadline thing and I just made it under the wire.

Quoted from JonnyBoy However, I was never quite sure what genre you were pitching for - is this a comedy? A horror? A bit of both? At the moment I think you've 'fallen between two stools' (as the Sarge might say) slightly.

You've exposed me. My bent is horror, but with this piece I started out to write comedy.  In the end I guess it ended up a black comedy or a campy horror piece.  Probably more the former.

Quoted from JonnyBoy Chelsea and Abby were suitably grotesque, and the sudden switch of names for a brief moment made it pretty clear where your inspiration came from! There was certainly gluttony here, so that was good. I liked Kill, thought he was a nice idea.

Uh, yeah, the name switch was not intended.  My bad.  I thought I did a find and replace, but somehow in that instance, the former names slipped through the cracks.  Or the stools.  In some ways, the dog was underutilized.
The inspiration behind the end kill scene with Sarge and his dog was inspired by the 1972 horror film anthology, "Tales From the Crypt." If you saw it, you will remember the "Blind Alleys" episode and the final wicked scene with the razor blades.

Quoted from JonnyBoy I have to say I didn't like the ending. To me, "it was all a TV show" is the modern-day update of "it was all a dream". Kind of feels a bit like a cheat, you know?

I hear ya.  It was an easy way out and I can see how it can be looked at as the modern-day equivalent of the Dream ending.  Yeah, I do hate dream endings.
Again, thanks for your insights and your encouragement.

Quoted from bert Abe.  Nice to see you back in the mix again with something new.

Good to hear for you, Bert.  Yes I'm writing a bit and reading a bit, too.  I think you and I might be in the same boat, with work severely compromising our writing time.

Quoted from bert What I have always enjoyed most about your style is the unapologetic asides you supply for the reader -- but at the same time -- with an almost staccato rhythm that keeps the reading brisk.  You have a truly unique style of presentation, and it is a good one.

Thank you, Bert.  I don't know whether this familiarity is also a bit of  curse.  I think it suits some things I've written, but wonder if I switch genres it will be a bit of a curse.

Quoted from bert Without disrespecting the opinions of others, I would submit that the "real world" criticisms you have received should carry little weight.

Appreciate the support.  I try to take it all in and figure out what works and what should be discarded.  I know you do the same.  It's all about seeing things from different perspectives.  Rarely do I take anything as a personal attack. Ha.

Quoted from bert Most of the dialogue has a nice snap to it, with a relatively low quotient of cringe-inducing silliness, and I think it would actually play better on the screen than it does on the page.

I hadn't given this any thought.  I know if I were doing it over, I would add more subtext.  What I really wanted was to get a little more into their backgrounds and have them arrive at a point where they understand each other.  That all the Hollywood stuff was BS and that they shared common fears, hopes and goals.  All this before working together.
It just didn't come off.

Quoted from bert What is really my only complaint -- or at least, what I might have handled differently -- is the "death clause" Sarge mentions.   I do not think I would have created these characters in this situation in order to have them team up.  I think there is a much deeper comedic well to mine with these women plotting the demise of one another.

I agree now in retrospect that the Sarge could have done more to pit one woman against the other.  In fact, a reality TV show would naturally love that angle.  The more tension and conflict, the more interesting the story line.

Quoted from bert I enjoyed this script, primarily for the characters, your descriptive work, and the wonky mentality that pervades the piece.  A pleasure to find you back on the boards with some fresh work.

Thanks again, Bert.  "Salvage" is still my favorite short horror piece, with a couple of other Newcomer shorts not far behind. Hope to see more of your work on the boards, as time permits.

Quoted from bert And while this could stand another round of proofing, the lone typo I will correct for you is "booby traps", not "boobie traps".  The Boobie Trap is a bar in Orlando haha.

Yes, it could have used even one round of proofing -- LOL. Boobie, huh? I've got that now inscribed on my next trap. And it will be set in an Orlando bar, for sure.

guess its personal taste but I thought this was pretty damn funny.  right from the beginning it set itself up as a bit surreal, so i didnt have a problem with the wackiness.  particular bits that stood out, The center for the 'obese at heart' was funny, the fatties parody of sarges shoe speech was great.  also I liked how the girl's kind of gave up on their own dreams even while they were actually coming true.  
I'm pretty sure any critisisms I had were covered by others, so I'll leave it all positive, nice job.

Gary (Abe)

This had its moments. Your desriptive writing is very crisp and to the point which makes for an easy, quick read. The dialogue was funny in places but I wasn't finding myself laughing too much.

I thought the two girls were going to get the ultimate comeuppance at the end (in a food related way I mean) but the more a saw the Sarge (great name) stuffing his face in front of them I knew things would turn on him. After all Ally and Chelsea aren't exactly the most likeable people either, very well drawn characters though, great job with them.

I loved Sarge's stereotype speech, I'm glad you were aware of that in his character.

Great twist at the end too, never saw it coming.

Decent job with, deliciously disgusting. As I said above I particularly enjoyed your terse, no frills writing style.

Col.

Thank you for the read, jackx.

Quoted from jackx guess its personal taste but I thought this was pretty damn funny.  right from the beginning it set itself up as a bit surreal, so i didnt have a problem with the wackiness.

Yeah, it's a wacky world. I didn't plan to go balls-out goofy, but as I was writing the script, things just drifted that way.

Quoted from jackx I liked how the girl's kind of gave up on their own dreams even while they were actually coming true.

I thought a certain bonding was necessary.  Whether or not the women like each other, they would at least work together against a common antagonist.
Thanks for your comments and I'm glad that most of it worked for you.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 The dialogue was funny in places but I wasn't finding myself laughing too much.

Okay.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I loved Sarge's stereotype speech, I'm glad you were aware of that in his character.

Although a cliche, I did have fun writing the Sarge's character.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Great twist at the end too, never saw it coming.

Haha. Well, at least somebody liked the ending.  I tried to mix the food aspect with the "need to be in the spotlight" element that a lot of stars crave.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 As I said above I particularly enjoyed your terse, no frills writing style.

Thank you very kindly, sir. I'm influenced by such writers as Mamet, Black and Bigelow.
Appreciate the read and comments, colkurtz8.