I found out the hard way that you DO NOT ever read this script while sipping coffee in front of your computer. This was laugh out loud funny and brillant that not only will it be easy to produce but you could get a lot of gold out of Sarah and Charlie  reaction as they listen to shouting from the other side of the wall.

The very last scene I didn't get and your wonderful script just derailed and tumbled into a flaming wreck.

But other then the one stumble this is a very cool funny script.

favourite line of Dialouge:

"come on man, this thing is poking out my ass! ! !"

This was a decent read. I didn't think all the dialogue was funny but the basic concept is solid. I also like the end in how the bad neighbors think they're the victims. The stuff with the boss, I didn't quite buy. Is he a mafia boss or something? That's what I gathered and if that's the case, I don't understand how these two wouldn't be dead, let alone how he ends up on the floor. I also thought Charlie getting hit in the gut was a poor way to end. It just doesn't fit with the tone you've set up. There's also some minor errors in word choice. I think a simple proofread should be able to clean up most of them.

Anyway, I can't say too much. It's a simple story and with some exceptions, I think it does what you intended it to.

Thanks for the read guys, glad you like my script.

I truthfully don't see why people continue to say that the ending doesn't fall into place. I mean, halfway through the flashbacks Dan and Steve start talking about having cocaine and then there's gunshot, something bad is gonna happen if you try to argue with these guys.

James, to tell ya the truth, I didn't really think the boss thing all the way through, I don't know if he's with the mob or if he's just a drug lord, which ever one works for you, use your imagination. And as for the typos, I read over this thing a billion times and yet these things still slide right pass me, there most be something wrong with my eyes.

Again, glad you guys liked it.

Hello Xavier,

Not bad, pretty funny throughout, just didn't find the ending that funny.  The ending was more serious and took the edge of the whole script.  Nonetheless it was a decent effort.

There are a few errors throughout, and if I've got the right Xavier, I think this is one of your better scripts.

All the best,


Javier

Glad you liked it, Javier, I didn't really put much effort into this one, so I'm glad that it came out good.

Hey, if any of you guys want something read, just shoot, I don't have anything to do until september, so I've got time to kill.

Hehehehe I know Im dwelling in an old script but I actually like this script minus the ending..

Too abrupt and makes no much sense for the audience..

from direction point of view, its nice and achievable easily.

Except ofcourse the gunshot scenario...


Its a nice scene but makes no much sense for a short film, it can be incorporated in a long film..

wow, people are being really nice about this one, i guess this place hardened up since 2009, b/c if this was posted yesterday it would get destroyed.  there are a bunch of problems in 5 pages, no character intros, weird dialogue, weird action lines, a missing (O.S.). etc.  And the whole Boss angle and ending don't work.

im 32 and i thought it was pretty funny!

dan and steve remind me of some guys i used to know in high school....

kind of a beavis and butthead thing going on.

i liked it.

as far as the ending goes... i loved it...but i love stuff like that.... plus it works on the level of....  two boneheads like those guys can be the centers of their own hurricanes at times - their actions can destroy the lives of others, while coming out virtually unscathed themselves. i think with a little more set-up - people might actually buy it.

but i say if you're going to go for a sucker punch like that - go the whole way... maybe make sarah 6 months pregnant. *evil*

Xavier hasn't been around in close to a year and a half.  I doubt he'll read anyone's review of his work.

Digging up old scripts, like this, serves no purpose.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe Xavier hasn't been around in close to a year and a half.  I doubt he'll read anyone's review of his work. Digging up old scripts, like this, serves no purpose. Phil

Hehehehe Sorry its my fault I guess,
But im looking for scripts to produce for my film school portfolio so I click on ALL and I read all the scripts from the start of this forum

hope you contct people first, b/c somone "produced" one of my scripts i posted without asking and it was embarassingly terrible.  you google my name and that comes up, they credited me, but big deal, they never asked, and it makes me look bad.

scripts get around on this site. i found a couple of my shorts posted on sites i never posted them on.... i have no idea how they got there or who put them there.

oh well. at least someone likes it haha

Quoted from Conz hope you contct people first, b/c somone "produced" one of my scripts i posted without asking and it was embarassingly terrible.  you google my name and that comes up, they credited me, but big deal, they never asked, and it makes me look bad.

OMG I feel so bad for you...
I can imagine if it makes u look bad, thats nasty