Nicely done. Reminded me of the beginning of a script I once read; JACK HAMMER: MALE STEWARDESS (which was hilarious).

Certainly has some humor here and it's done in a way that's not intrusive, hmm... how to say what I'm thinking...the story extends beyond the porn industry? So to do that, you had to get some character going and some decent dialogue, which you did.

I liked this, it's a taboo subject that i think many a comedy could be born from. Not to say i haven't watched one or too myself.

Your writing was goo, dialogue felt true to the situation.

i had a problem with the way Sharon was intorduced. I thought he was talking to Vanessa at first. I think you should introduce her using her name in caps. i completely missed the character change.

All in all nice work. "Living the Dream"?? nice title. I always wanted a fluffer.

James

Nicely written, Ophelia. The action was well described and made it highly visual, with a couple of great lines in there too.
However, this felt like an opening for a much larger story. You've introduced a lot of characters in the space of six pages, and also a neat little set-up for something bigger going on in the relationship between Joseph and Sharon, which hints towards something darker, and more profuund running beneath the comedy, but it doesn't really lead anywhere so far.

Best,

H

Ophelia

Great opening to this, I was wondering what the hell after the "suck your dick" line until the porn set was revealed, nice touch with that. Coincidentally, I just watched
"Boogie Nights" for only the second time a couple of weeks back.

Plenty to like about this, I loved the hysteria which echoes through the set when Dirk says he's getting "soft", it had me laughing. Also, the new fluffer doing her bit to resurrect Dirk for the scene.

As a few have already pointed out there are some grammatical errors and technical stuff but as you say it’s yours first try, it’s understandable and you will learn all the "do and don'ts" as you go along. The important thing you are able to construct a scene and write believable dialogue, thus creating believable characters, something that’s a lot harder to teach then the technical stuff.

JOSEPH
You got a couple shades before
you’re in trouble. -- Snappy line, I liked it.

SHARON
To resolve my daddy issues? -- Ha, great line.

JOSEPH
(Over his shoulder)
I’m not a masochist, Sharon. -- This kinda’ came out of nowhere, seemed a little un-warranted.

I really enjoyed this, very cool, clever and witty. The ending however left me disappointed, maybe because I was enjoying it so much I didn't want it to end so soon. I think you could definitely take this and flesh out a bigger story like a 12-15 pager or something. As it stands, its just a scene really rather than an actual fully rounded story.

I'm curious about the relationship between Joseph and Sharon and would like to learn more about them. In their brief exchange I found them to be likeable, realistic and above all interesting people. Again a credit to your dialogue throughout, it felt very natural and funny in places.

Good effort for a first try, very good in fact. I'd like to see where you take it from here.

Col.

Thanks for the read Cloroxmartini, yea i was definately trying to have at least one or two characters that were real people outside of the industry they worked in.

James, yea I had a little issue with that paragraph where sharon's introduced too.  I was mostly trying to avoid just blatantly writing:  'A middle aged woman with fake breasts walks up, putting her hand on his shoulder.  This is SHARON.' But I'll keep playing with it.  (Also I think the down side with a fluffer is they just keep you going, but dont ever finish the job.)

Harriet, I was definately trying to set Joseph and Sharon apart from the rest of the crew.  The idea was that they had some kind of long relationship, and had been in the industry long enough to be entirely disillusioned.  This would sort of keep them together despite whatever cynicism they had.  Something that would have to be expanded properly to come across.

Colkurtz, thanks for the time, glad you mostly liked it.  I was a bit worried that the awkwardness of the first couple lines would put people off, but hopefully they read long enough to realize the reason for it.  I actually found it harder than expected to write porn dialogue.
I can see how the masochist line comes across a little harsh.  The relationship I had in mind between them was two older people that had had much more than their fill of sex, and mostly enjoyed eachother for their shared cynicism and company.  Somewhere between a very old friendship and a marraige.  So the line is just part of their banter.  I'm thinking about maybe adding her reaction to his remark, like she just smirks or something, showing that this is not something she takes seriously.  If this is ever expanded there would be more time to show their dynamic.

Seems like most people are left a bit unsatisfied by the end.  So far the only storyline i've come up with is Joseph, on the verge of retirement, decides to try to take one of his porn projects and make it without the sex, trying for a real movie.  So it would be the same crew and budget and actors, finding surprising talent (probably in the fluffer)  and less surprising disaster.  Of course the film created would be horrible, but perhaps some hilarity and life lessons would ensue in the meantime.
Not sure that's really enough to float a feature on, but i'll keep thinking about it.
Thanks everyone for the input, it's all been very helpful.

If people were put off by the first couple of lines without reading anymore to found out what was really going, well thats their problem of having a hopelessly short attention span so I wouldn't worry about that.

The way you have it set-up is spot on in my opinion as I was thinking WTF until I read on which is the whole point of it I imagine.

Yeah I know exactly what you are getting at about their type of relationship.

I think it would help alot to show Sharon's reaction to Joseph's remark. It serves as a way of letting the reader in on their relationship and the nature of it as you intended.

Once again, I'll say this had great potential and a solid attempt at a first script, well done

Funny stuff!  my personal favorite was, "we're not going to shoot around your balls, dirk.'  once you know theyre shooting a porno.
I think it would be worth expanding, I think your idea above could work pretty well.  Just have to sell it without lapsing into too much seriousness.  Maybe have Sharon as the writer or something?  Just to give her a reason to be around besides, y'kno, the obvious.
Good luck with it.

Thanks again Colkurtz.

Jackx, thanks as well, happy you liked it.  I was thinking of having sharon kind of be graduated into Josephs assistant kind of position.  But now that you mention that I might her go over the potential scripts and be in charge of changing it from a porno to a real movie.

Is that a Half Baked reference?

Hola Kyle!  Welcome to the wonderful world of SimplyScripts!  

Coming soon:  ATTACK OF THE LAND LOBSTERS!!

----In the quiet suburb of Whereever, CT, a mysterious crustacean menace is lurking.  What starts as innocent lawn mower mangling soon turns into full scale apocolypic toaster consumption.  Will anyone survive?!

Hi Ophelia,

I absolutely loved this, I have to say.

I found it a complete joy to read, and the humour and dialogue are absolutely spot on!

I totally agree with other comments, it was all over too quick (no pun intended). I was a bit dissapointed that it ended when it did.

Can't wait to read your future stuff, this is genius!

Craig

Hey craig, thanks for the encouragement.  Been kinda busy with the day job to be producing much, but eventually I'll get something new up.
Take care