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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Myth of the Cuban Missile Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Myth of the Cuban Missile  (currently 3913 views)
Don
Posted: January 7th, 2011, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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The Myth of the Cuban Missile by Craig Ramirez (craiger6) - Short - Before becoming dictator of Cuba, Fidel Castro was just another baseball loving Cuban who got a tryout with the Washington Senators.  At least that's the way the C.I.A. tells it. 8 pages - pdf, format


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dogglebe
Posted: January 7th, 2011, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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I thought this was an interesting and could easily be turned into an urban legend.

I did have a problem with Sandy.  Was she a television reporter?  Or did she work for the government.  My opinion of her swayed from one way to the other.

You need to put a little more visuals into the script.  For the most part, it's just two people talking.  Throw in flashbacks or something.  Have George get up and move around a little.  If this is being shot in his den, have him look at photos of him with powerful friends.


Phil

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dogglebe  -  April 30th, 2011, 4:36pm
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grademan
Posted: January 7th, 2011, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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Hi Craig.

I like the way you told this tale. If it’s not true, it ought to be. Here are my comments.

P.1

Bellows > Billows

Tighten up the intro: aimlessly, this way and that, not needed. Get rid of the It by combining the two sentences. A shaky hand grasps the cigar...

Tokes is associated with marijuana not cigars. Stokes?

Can someone be described as earnest? Either way, you definitely show the reporter is earnest so it may be redundant.

A pad sits in her lap. Notepad would clarify this.

Why does she need a notepad if she has a digital voice recorder?

No need to cap props such as the recorder. Why not cap the notepad and pencil? It’s like reading your story nice and reasonable and then shouting DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER.

Osama Bin Jack Ass worth a chuckle but felt forced.

P. 2

No quotes needed around cigar

What are timber britches?

She means business is redundant, you’ve already shown that.

Rolls her eyes is cliche, weak. Try exasperated.

P.3

George is 80 or 84?

So, this is going to be a dialogue driven piece. Okay.

P.4

Dialogue reads the same to me without voice instructions such
as (beat) and underlining and italicizing.

Deligitimized > underminded?

P.7

Besides > beside

Pallid > pale

No need to cap EL PRESIDENTE, Fidel’s already been introduced

Pats his head > touches his brow

Ending good but a little muddled. I wasn’t clear if the myth was true (the CIA was misleading us) or if Fidel believed it himself?

Overall, I liked it but the reporter vs. the old agency man has been done. Still, you handled it well. Did you consider doing this as an action oriented piece with Fidel actually trying out?

Most of my comments are based on my preferences, so use them if you like them.

Gary

          

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RayW
Posted: January 7th, 2011, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Excellent story, Craig.

I see very few of these shorts being rewritten and resubmitted so I'm growing increasingly loathe to make suggestions for such, only for ideas going forward.

I liked it. As is, just fine.

I can see where a cinematographer and set designer would have fun with the environments and props.
Talking head interviews can be done well if aperture control brings attention to details like the deepening crows feet of an old man's grin, the crackling spark of a cigar's drag and the tightening of an old man's knuckles around an ancient baseball.
I believe the industry term is called "pick ups".

And the actors could add a little something, too, if a director is lucky.
The actor that does those Dos Equis commercials comes to mind.
            "George"


             "Sandy" (Leslie Bibb)



I've mixed feelings about Sandy.
It's a difficult spot for a thoughtful writer to portray.
If all the characters are intelligent and informed then there's little to talk about.

I look at you. You look at me. We both know WTH the situation means three layers deep leaving zero to discuss.

On the other hand, writing a character juuuuust ignorant enough to draw out conversation for an interview is difficult.
Sandy sounds like a junior journalist for an audience I have no clue about.
Anyone intelligent enough to care about George's story isn't going to care for her all-legs-no-brains approach to this interview.
Dumb@ss should have known old men are not dead men.
Of course he's gonna look at he legs. Duh. Wear slacks, ding-dong.

So... going forward with subsequent stories...
It's difficult. I respect your & the situation and like the visuals.


Oh, recorder -and- notepad (as opposed to "maxi", of course)
Recorder is for reference to later, and for legal reasons.
Notepad is to jot down perhaps a single word during the interview for follow-up questions or supporting detail that you don't wanna forget as the current/present answer drags out.

Now, why you'd want a digital recorder if a cameraman is taping - I can only guess.
Maybe for her own personal reasons without having to fool with a audio feed from the video.
Maybe the camera audio is garbage.
Maybe the audio boom guy is out with a cold.
Maybe the DTR is the audio.
I dunno.
I don't mind filling in some blanks myself.
Others do, however.

"Cigar" isn't the tobacco kind.

Would you like a cigar?
isn't the same as
Would you like a "cigar"?




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RayW  -  January 7th, 2011, 4:13pm
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khamanna
Posted: January 7th, 2011, 3:46pm Report to Moderator
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It's very inventive, I think. The conversation made sense - the only thing that I didn't like is that Fidel Castro fell in love with baseball - is that true, I wonder? That moment somehow diminishes the impact and I don't know what it's there for.

But I liked the short very much.

Some notes:

toss my hot coffee - will she say "hot"? - maybe just "toss my coffee"
p5 cuban woman - cuban women
he says dieing? - he speaks with an accent?
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: January 8th, 2011, 11:21am Report to Moderator
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Craig,

I like the tone of subject selection for this one, it stands out from the herd.
Injecting humanizing myth into historical figures is something I enjoy.
My attention wandered on page five after the cigar offer.
Partially due tom as Phil stated, a lack of variety on the page.
Cutaways, room details, some other dynamic would help your story.
I felt like we were summarizing the first five pages in the last three.
Capping it all off with the reveal for the ending.
After some thought, I think Sandy is the real problem with this story.
She's the cockblock for our storyteller with her quips and jibes.
Sandy is not in the know, but acts like she's got a handle on things.
I don't care for characters that impede interesting premises.
Perhaps if George was younger and about to retire from the agency.
He's a curator of some vintage but obscure archives.
George is turning over those old school archives over to a new school academy agent.
Now, we have a dynamic that let's George weave his urban legend spell.
That character dynamic accommodates your storyteller, Sandy does not.

As it stands, I enjoy most of the read and very much enjoy the premise.
I'm a sucker for "fictionalized" events surrounding historical figures.
Thanks for sharing and keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.


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Craiger6
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Hey guys,

Apologies for the tardy reply, but I’ve been running around nonstop for the last two days.  Thanks for taking a look at this one.  As always, it really is much appreciated.

I started thinking about this one a little while back after my dad, brother, and I were talking baseball, and the conversation somehow turned to Fidel Castro and how he had supposedly tried out with the Washington Senators (now the Texas Rangers).  I immediately thought, “Oh wow, what if he had made the major leagues instead of becoming a dictator.  That would make a cool story.”  Sure enough, after doing a smidgen of research, apparently a bunch of other people thought the same thing and had written any number of articles about the same fantasy.

I was going to just give it up all together, but, I’m a big baseball fan, and I haven’t written any baseball related scripts yet, so I decided to tweak it after I read a terrific book on the C.I.A. called, “Legacy of Ashes” (http://www.amazon.com/Legacy-Ashes-History-Tim-Weiner/dp/038551445X).  (That, and the fact that the other short script idea I had on my cork board was, and I shit you not, “Man slips in the shower – dog eats his face” – I was drinking).

Anyway, stories tend to differ, but best I can make out, Castro played ball as a youngster, and was a half decent pitcher and apparently someone from the Washington Senators submitted a scouting report on him.  The report wasn’t flattering (something along the lines of decent curve, but no fastball…pass) and he never actually got a try out.  So, there never really was a threat of Castro making the major leagues, but it’s still a fun idea to play around with.

Phil:

“I did have a problem with Sandy.  Was she a television reporter?  Or sis she work for the government.  My opinion of her swayed from one way to the other.”

Yeah, she was just meant to be a TV reporter interviewing an old CIA man.  I kind of had an issue with Sandy in general as she was kind of one dimensional.  All she was doing was asking questions.  That’s why I tried to give her a bit of an edge when George was getting pushy.

“You need to put a little more visuals into the script.  For the most part, it's just two people talking.  Throw in flashbacks or something.  Have George get up and move around a little.  If this is being shot in his den, have him look at photos of him with powerful friends.”

Agreed, and this is why I got stuck a few pages in.  I realized it was just two talking heads.  I couldn’t figure out a way to end the interview and get to the end.  

I like the idea of the pictures.  Maybe a young George, dressed in fatigues, cigar hanging from the corner of his mouth, palling around with some of his CIA buddies in some far off jungle.  Good idea.  Thanks again for the read.

Gary:

" P.1 Bellows > Billows”

My bad.  Embarrassed.  Thanks.

“Tighten up the intro: aimlessly, this way and that, not needed.”

I dunno, I kind of like this.  I think I’ll keep it.

“Get rid of the It by combining the two sentences.”

I agree.  Thanks.

“Tokes is associated with marijuana not cigars. Stokes?”

Generally, yes, but smoking is smoking.  But yes, def heard more in reference to pot.

“Why does she need a notepad if she has a digital voice recorder?”

Whether it’s for show or not, I often see TV reporters conducting an interview with a pad in their lap so that they can take notes.  Sure they have the recording, but they still want to be able to take notes so they can refer back to something during the interview.

“No need to cap props such as the recorder. Why not cap the notepad and pencil? It’s like reading your story nice and reasonable and then shouting DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER.”

Agreed.  I admit, I struggle with this kind of stuff.

“What are timber britches?”

Apparently, after a Google search, something that I thought old men used to refer to younger woman’s legs.

“George is 80 or 84?”

No, Castro is 84 – hence you would be talking to me about every 84 year old…

“Besides > beside”

Damn.  Thanks.

“Ending good but a little muddled. I wasn’t clear if the myth was true (the CIA was misleading us) or if Fidel believed it himself?”

See above for the “true story”, but basically I think what I was after was that Castro ends up loving the game even though it was all started by a plot by the CIA.  The whole, “the game transcends” all cultural boundaries and all that.

“Did you consider doing this as an action oriented piece with Fidel actually trying out?”

Yeah, I guess that’s where I was initially heading.  I saw it playing out on some baseball field in the deep south with Castro coming in during the late innings to try and save a game…but then once I did a little research and found out the truth, I don’t know, it felt too fake.  So, I created my own fake story.  Haha.

Ray:

Thanks for the read, man.
  
“I see very few of these shorts being rewritten and resubmitted so I'm growing increasingly loathe to make suggestions for such, only for ideas going forward.”

Any advice is always appreciated.  I don’t usually update these right away, but at some point, I do print out all of the comments and make revisions based on those suggestions I agree with.

Ha, yeah I love the Dos Equis guy.  He’d actually make a heck of a Fidel.  I’m not familiar with Leslie Bibb, though she definitely appears to fit the type I was going for with Sandy.

“I've mixed feelings about Sandy.”

I hear you, and judging from some of the other comments, you are not alone.  I had my own misgivings about the character.  As I said, I felt like she was kind of one dimensional, so I tried to show that she had a bit of an edge to her.  That she wasn’t all beauty and no brains.  I’m not sure if I succeeded in this.

The other issue I had with her was that she basically just kept asking George, “Why?”  I guess I was having trouble finding different ways for her to get to the heart of the matter with an evasive George.  I finally resigned myself to the fact that Sandy was supposed to be asking the questions that you or I would want asked if we were sitting on our couch watching this interview.  Again, I had trouble with this, and I’m not sure I totally succeeded.

“Now, why you'd want a digital recorder if a cameraman is taping - I can only guess.”

Yeah, good point here.  I guess I forgot about the fact that the cameras would make the tape recorder superfluous.  On the other hand, as you say I don’t think it’s totally out of the realm of possibility that a reporter would tape record an interview even though it’s being videotaped.  Maybe Sandy wants to be able to bring it home with her so she can listen to it after dinner on her couch.  

Anyway, thanks again for the read, Ray.  Much appreciated, and I’m glad you mostly enjoyed it.

Khamanna:

Hi Khamanna, thanks for taking the time to give this one a read.  I appreciate it.

“It's very inventive, I think. The conversation made sense - the only thing that I didn't like is that Fidel Castro fell in love with baseball - is that true, I wonder? That moment somehow diminishes the impact and I don't know what it's there for.”

Baseball is very popular in Cuba, and Castro has, on more than one occasion, played up his love of the game.  Whether it is genuine or more of a political ploy (see basically any American politician donning a jersey of a team that he/she thinks is popular among his/her constituents) is another story.

“p5 cuban woman - cuban women”

Duh.  Thanks.

“he says dieing? - he speaks with an accent?”

I’m not sure what you mean here.  Let me know if you have a chance.

Anyway, thanks again for the read.

ED:

Thanks for the read.

“My attention wandered on page five after the cigar offer.  Partially due tom as Phil stated, a lack of variety on the page.”

Yeah, I agree, there needs to be some more going on.  This is definitely something that needs to be added.

“After some thought, I think Sandy is the real problem with this story.”

Ah, poor Sandy, no one likes her.  Haha.  

“I don't care for characters that impede interesting premises.
Perhaps if George was younger and about to retire from the agency.
He's a curator of some vintage but obscure archives.
George is turning over those old school archives over to a new school academy agent.
Now, we have a dynamic that let's George weave his urban legend spell.
That character dynamic accommodates your storyteller, Sandy does not.”


This is all very interesting, and I like the idea very much.  

If you have two people who come from the same culture and speak the same language (i.e. CIA and its bureaucracy), then there is no need for all of the “Why’s?” asked by Sandy and George can tell his tale.  Excellent idea and thanks a bunch for it as I think this is a better way to go.

Well, thanks so much for all the detailed comments.  You guys have already given me a bunch to think about and a bunch of ideas that will certainly improve the piece.  It really is much appreciated.

Thanks,
Craig


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greg
Posted: January 9th, 2011, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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Craig,

Good story overall.  I like the idea of creating this myth of Castro's early adventures in America and his subsequent life into communist Cuba.  Well told and knit together, so it wasn't too out of left field, so to speak.  The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the really sentimental ending with Castro.  I think you may have been going for a bit of a poetical metaphor with him dropping the ball and playing up the whole myth and whatnot, but I think I could have gone without the IVs, the nurse, etc.  But I am nitpicking - I thought this was quite good.  Well done.

Greg


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leitskev
Posted: January 10th, 2011, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
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The idea of baseball being emblematic of American institutions and being used to help establish those ideals in a communist country is intriguing...especially as the plan was unintentional! I could see that being the basis for a larger story. I think Castro would have had to at least been interested in baseball before the CIA rumor though. Enjoyed the story.
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jayrex
Posted: January 11th, 2011, 3:39pm Report to Moderator
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Huh.

Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me.  Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it's people.  It's not the saviour.  It's like a hobby you enjoy.  Some sports or games will have been invented by European countries.  It doesn't mean those counties are trying to exert some sort of power values.  And if Castro liked chess or soccer, who cares?

Nonetheless, it was an easy read.  Just not for me.



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khamanna
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Craig, in response to your question - I thought it's "dying" Is it though? --got to check myself
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jwent6688
Posted: January 13th, 2011, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Craig,

Some notes as I go...


GEORGE
(laughs)
So am I sweetheart, and I can
guarantee you that at this point my
“cigar” poses more of a threat to
you than Fidel’s. - Are we to assume he's speaking of Fidel's cigar?

GEORGE
Once we realized that he was there
to stay, we started a rumor that he
had tried out for the Senators, but
couldn’t hack it? - I don't think this should be ended with a ??? It is a statement.

Okay, last gripe, I thought Sandy was very much leading George into his questions as if she already knew the answers.

I liked this. I had to step away from it for a bit. Think about it. It's quite a conspiracy theory. And it works in the way you project it. I just refuse to believe the CIA is that intelligent. Then again, I have no idea. Georges character was well developed. I think you did really good here craig. It got me thinking, which, I don't do much of... For good reason.

James


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Craiger6
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Hi Guys,

Thanks for taking the time to give this one a read. Much appreciated.

Greg,

I hear you on the ending, but as far as the nurse and the IVs, there have been a number of conflicting reports over the last couple of years regarding Castro’s health.  The fact that he resigned the Presidency a couple of years ago leads me to believe that where there is smoke, there is fire.  That said, I did use a little creative license with the ending.  

Thanks for the read.

Leitskev,

Thanks for the read and the thoughts.  I don’t have any plans of expanding this at the moment, but you never know.  Thanks again.

Jayrex,

“Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me. “

Fair enough.  I happen to be a baseball fan, but my hope was that even if the reader wasn’t, it would kind of get you thinking.  It seems I didn’t exactly accomplish that with you.


“Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it’s people.  It's not the savior.  It's like a hobby you enjoy. “

I’m not sure I would totally agree with this sentiment however.  I mean, yeah, in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a sport and pales in comparison to “real life” events like poverty, war, etc.  But, I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss a sport’s (in this case baseball) impact on a culture.  For instance, during the Great Depression baseball served as a much needed outlet for the general public.  More recently, after 9/11, I think sports played a therapeutic role in helping to heal the national psyche.  At the very least, it allowed people to get back to some sense of normalcy.

Lastly, I didn’t see the Matt Damon flick, but I did happen to catch this do (http://30for30.espn.com/film/the-sixteenth-man.html).  I think it’s a great example of the power something stupid and trivial like sports can have on a people.

Anyway, thanks for the read and sorry you didn’t connect with it.  Hopefully next time.

Khamanna,

“Craig, in response to your question - I thought it's "dying"  Is it though? --got to check myself ”

You’re right.  I’m an idiot.  Thanks.

James,

“Are we to assume he's speaking of Fidel's cigar?”

I was actually going for a double entendre there.  Not sure if it worked or not.

“I don't think this should be ended with a ??? It is a statement.”

Looks like I didn’t do a great job proofing this bad boy.  I ducking hate that.  Thanks for pointing it out.

Yeah, I had a problem with Sandy throughout the writing of this piece, and it seems that others have picked up on that as well.  I think if I re-worked this one, Sandy would need a big face lift or might even find herself on the chopping block.  

“I just refuse to believe the CIA is that intelligent.”

Ha – I wouldn’t be too hard on them.  For the most part, I think they do the best they can with an incredibly difficult mandate.  Then again, I guess the nature of the job dictates that we tend to focus on their missteps rather than their successes.  Kind of like a field goal kicker.  That book I mentioned in my original post was a real eye opener and worth a read to anyone interested in that kind of stuff.

Anyway, thanks for the read and I’m glad you liked it.

And to everyone, thanks again for taking the time.  I'll be hoping to pay it forward with some reads this weekend.

CR


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vinny
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Quoted from jayrex
Huh.

Castro & baseball.  I don't get it.  Who cares?  I don't know if the man likes baseball or not.  Doesn't interest me.  Nor do I not see any power related message you're trying to convey, because, it's baseball.  What has sport got to do with a government, a man, and it's people.  It's not the saviour.  It's like a hobby you enjoy.  Some sports or games will have been invented by European countries.  It doesn't mean those counties are trying to exert some sort of power values.  And if Castro liked chess or soccer, who cares?

Nonetheless, it was an easy.  Just not for me.


I bet you're not a sports fan, am i right? Couse belive it or not, for example, football or soccer plays an important role, okay, plays a role in politics these days. Sports are an industry and entertainment, used by many, including the politicians to, i wouldn't say control, but ease the minds of its people. Sport events bring prestige, like for example, hosting the olympics or FIFA world cups, and the politicians seek to take advantage of those exact same events to further their agendas.

And the baseball thing, i'd say, and i may be wrong here, but besides Guantanamo, baseball is the only remaining american influence in Cuba. It plays a symbolic role.
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jayrex
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Quoted from vinny


I bet you're not a sports fan, am i right? ...


I love soccer/football, like rugby, enjoy tennis, and other sports.  A sport how I see it is separate to the governing of people and how it can exert power.  Of which no sport can do.

Craig is right in that it can bring normalcy to life, but it doesn't create some sort of influence that can change the law of the land.  That's just crazy.

Just because it's American doesn't mean it can change the minds of the people and it's government.  I love soccer, doesn't mean that I'm worried that the British are going to take over Spain.  It's not going to happen.  It's nuts to even suggest or even hint at the idea.


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