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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hiccups - Filmed! Moderators: bert
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  Author    Hiccups - Filmed!  (currently 8561 views)
Sham
Posted: December 16th, 2013, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
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I was able to see the film for the first time today. I'm extremely happy with it. It's a pretty slick and faithful production, and I was immediately surprised to see such technical quality for something that no one invested in or made a paycheck from.

I asked the director how the premiere went, and he said lots of people commented on how scary it was. I think I'm even more happy for him than I am for myself.

The film is currently password protected on Vimeo, so I'm talking to the director to see when I have his permission to share the film with others.

In the meantime, here are some screengrabs:





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spesh2k
Posted: December 16th, 2013, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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I remember reading this a while back and liking it a whole bunch... looking forward to seeing the film! The stills look promising, very slick, good lighting.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Grandma Bear
Posted: December 16th, 2013, 9:51pm Report to Moderator
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Congratulations!!!!  And let us know when the rest of us can see the film!  


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James McClung
Posted: December 17th, 2013, 10:24pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Chris. Congrats on this. Would be interested to see the finished project.

I dug the script pretty good. I liked the use of the reflection a lot. It's little things like this that make horror effective. I liked the image of the glasses in blood as well.

I realize the script's already done but for future reference, I'll say I thought the "Jenn, we tried..." line was too expository. I don't think they'd refer back to all this stuff in such a way. You could've just said "We've tried everything" and the reader would've understood.

Not a huge gripe. Just something to think about for next time. This was about the only issue that really stuck out. Otherwise, not bad and once again, congrats.


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Heretic
Posted: December 19th, 2013, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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Haha! So awesome. Y'all gotta watch this!

I couldn't remember if I had read this one -- I had, apparently, because I remembered how it was going to end partway through -- but that didn't really diminish my enjoyment of this one at all. Well-executed, and a lot of that is down to the pacing, the sound design, and the choice to spend money in the right places (though that's all I'll say about that).

Beautiful in its simplicity, this one, a good ol'-fashioned spooky story. What I really appreciated about the film was that it knew when to take things slow and how to keep a consistently engaging pace that kept things moving but allowed us to spend some time with the characters.

That said, I did feel that there were some quiet moments in here that could have been used to bring more character out of these two. We get to see them while they're alone a lot -- would have been neat if the dude muttered something to himself, or picked his nose, or some little character-building thing, while he was waiting. Same goes for her...this one would have been even better for me if some character quirks and tells were packed into those moments of silence.

The cinematography's probably not quite up to the task in some of these shots; there are times when the shots are a little bit boring because the lighting can't quite support the slow pacing. Some shots look great, though, and I think it's the right choice to have the right pacing and not perfect lighting, rather than to ruin the pace trying to move quick through the boring shots.

The major directorial gripe I had here was the failure to establish a spatial relationship between the bedroom and the hiding spot at the bottom of the stairs. I definitely lost some tension just being confused about where he was, where he was going to jump out from, and so on. Tension there relied on my imagination and my imagination was handicapped by not knowing where the source of danger would be coming from.

Sound design helped a LOT, though the rising strings were a bit overbearing during the reveal. Other than that, though, I thought the designer's work was excellent.

Script came off great; lots of great stuff in this one. Definitely something to be proud of, Chris!

Revision History (1 edits)
Heretic  -  December 20th, 2013, 2:38pm
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: December 20th, 2013, 4:39am Report to Moderator
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I just read this - It was well written and as a stand-alone scare it worked. I'm all about the story though and this seems like a scene from a feature rather than a contained short. Don't get me wrong, I liked it, I just personally think a short should still be a story with a beginning, middle and end.

However if you have an idea for turning this into a feature and this is just a taster then I'm sold.   

Congratulations on getting this produced, that's FAB!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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LC
Posted: December 20th, 2013, 5:00am Report to Moderator
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Great news Chris. Looking forward to seeing the final product.
Let us know when the rest of us can get a look at this!

Libby


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Sham
Posted: December 21st, 2013, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Heretic
Haha! So awesome. Y'all gotta watch this!

I couldn't remember if I had read this one -- I had, apparently, because I remembered how it was going to end partway through -- but that didn't really diminish my enjoyment of this one at all. Well-executed, and a lot of that is down to the pacing, the sound design, and the choice to spend money in the right places (though that's all I'll say about that).

Beautiful in its simplicity, this one, a good ol'-fashioned spooky story. What I really appreciated about the film was that it knew when to take things slow and how to keep a consistently engaging pace that kept things moving but allowed us to spend some time with the characters.

Thanks so much! I was really impressed with the sound design myself. The director wants to convert it to 5.1 surround (which he wasn't able to do originally because he was on a time crunch to finish the film as his senior project). I think that'll really benefit the film since so much of it relies on the music and sound effects.


Quoted Text
That said, I did feel that there were some quiet moments in here that could have been used to bring more character out of these two. We get to see them while they're alone a lot -- would have been neat if the dude muttered something to himself, or picked his nose, or some little character-building thing, while he was waiting. Same goes for her...this one would have been even better for me if some character quirks and tells were packed into those moments of silence.

You're right. I feel like the camera lingers a little longer than it should in some instances (Jenn looking underneath the bed and preparing to scream, Kyle texting in the hallway, etc). I did like a few things the director did on his own, like Kyle turning off the fish tank, Jenn seeing the red yarn retreating at the foot of the bed, etc. I was actually VERY surprised and happy he felt comfortable enough to make those changes, because they work.


Quoted Text
The major directorial gripe I had here was the failure to establish a spatial relationship between the bedroom and the hiding spot at the bottom of the stairs. I definitely lost some tension just being confused about where he was, where he was going to jump out from, and so on. Tension there relied on my imagination and my imagination was handicapped by not knowing where the source of danger would be coming from.

I see what you're saying. I mentioned to the director I wish there had been a tracking shot of the monster's POV as it walks down the hallway, just to establish the thumping was footsteps instead of somebody pounding on a door or something else that could potentially make the same noise. That way it also establishes where Kyle is hiding AND how close the thing is to him.


Quoted Text
Script came off great; lots of great stuff in this one. Definitely something to be proud of, Chris!

Thanks again! I'm glad you enjoyed it.


Quoted from MarkRenshaw
I just read this - It was well written and as a stand-alone scare it worked. I'm all about the story though and this seems like a scene from a feature rather than a contained short. Don't get me wrong, I liked it, I just personally think a short should still be a story with a beginning, middle and end.

However if you have an idea for turning this into a feature and this is just a taster then I'm sold.  

Congratulations on getting this produced, that's FAB!

Thanks for reading, Mark. This isn't a deep story by a long shot, and I'll be the first to admit I built the whole thing around a quick scare, but I do feel it has a solid beginning, middle, and end for such a short piece. It's definitely a "what you see is what you get" scenario, though. Thanks again!


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Sham
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 10:18pm Report to Moderator
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Hey guys, here's a short teaser trailer for Hiccups. Meant to post it a long time ago but forgot. Enjoy!

Hiccups Trailer from Karson Holbrook on Vimeo.



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JimiLamp
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 11:37pm Report to Moderator
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Nice man, this was fun, quick read. A bit of a twilight zone vibe. Sucker for that kind of stuff. Solid writing.
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JimiLamp
Posted: July 4th, 2014, 11:40pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats on getting it filmed. Trailer looks cool.
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Sham
Posted: November 3rd, 2015, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Hey guys!

Hiccups is now available to view online. Check it out!

Hiccups from Karson Holbrook on Vimeo.



And here is the final poster:



Hope you guys enjoy it!


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TonyDionisio
Posted: November 4th, 2015, 10:28am Report to Moderator
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Very nice. Well paced. Razor sharp. To the point. Visual. I liked it.

BTW, (hic) is an acceptable way to write hiccups.

GL

Tony
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Don
Posted: November 4th, 2015, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Filmed:

Hiccups from Karson Holbrook on Vimeo.



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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 4th, 2015, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
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Creepy! Loved the reflection in the mirror! Good job!  


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