Thanks Reef but about 90% of the comments have nothing to do with the script, you should have a read of them, I'm sure you would find them amusing.

I hear what you're saying about the lack of theme and depth. What do you mean Linkage?
I know I need to give it more beef, but I never at the time, that's what it's all about eh! Thanks for the feedback

Quoted from AtholForsyth Of course they can ad-lib, I'm not one of these 'my way or the highway' type of people. I'm not asking you to lie to me but you dont have to be so arrogant and your opinion is an opinion, that's all it is.

When you first arrived and you let me know you were getting into film-making I really wanted the best for you. So I gave you my honest opinion on your script. Doubtless you could get better at this craft... but I wonder why, as a producer you really want to write too. That's a form of arrogance, isn't it? You admitted that you'd never written a screenplay before, yet feel it is so easy that you can master what is required in a few months. Sounds pretty arrogant to me.
So far you want to produce, direct, write and do the camera work, from what I can gather. Now that's real arrogance.

You also have friends that want to get involved. Don't you owe it to them to do the best job you can do? Or are you so arrogant that other people's motivations don't matter so long as you are enjoying yourself?

Maybe you could become a decent screenwriter one day. Who am I to say otherwise? Will you be a decent screenwriter in just a few months? I don't think so.

The best thing for you to do right now is team up with another screenwriter. Even co-write. Take a 'story by' credit and give the screenplay credit to someone else. A screenplay is just a small part of the production. Indeed once it is written the writer is often forgotten about as much as possible. The producer gets all the credit. Hitchcock didn't write, The Birds, Ed McBain did (under the pseudonym, Evan Hunter). Hitchcock went to Ed Mcbain and simply said something along the lines of, hey read this short story by Daphne du Maurier and write a script along those lines. That was it in regards to the script and story. They would have collaborated through drafts too, but the writer was not Hitchcock. Who gets all the credit? The Producer.

Once you've worked with a writer a few times then you most likely will pick it up yourself and not need the help any more. I thought you wanted to be a film maker, not a script writer.

Quoted from DustinBowcot When you first arrived and you let me know you were getting into film-making I really wanted the best for you. So I gave you my honest opinion on your script. Doubtless you could get better at this craft... but I wonder why, as a producer you really want to write too. That's a form of arrogance, isn't it? You admitted that you'd never written a screenplay before, yet feel it is so easy that you can master what is required in a few months. Sounds pretty arrogant to me. So far you want to produce, direct, write and do the camera work, from what I can gather. Now that's real arrogance.

When did I ever say it was easy?
When did I say I wanted to produce, direct, write and do the camera work?
What I did say was getting people involved.
For your information that includes Creative Director at Ad-Lib Theatre Arts Perth Scotland. Vicky Rice.
We did try to shoot the traffic warden scene with her there to help but due to the nasty weather we had to stop half way through.
You are getting arrogance mixed up with optimism.
Nobody in this project has a title, it's a pitch in affair.
We have a saying in Scotland ' You can only piss with the cock you've got'


[/quote]
You also have friends that want to get involved. Don't you owe it to them to do the best job you can do? Or are you so arrogant that other people's motivations don't matter so long as you are enjoying yourself?.[/quote]
It's a case of us all enjoying ourselves equally.



[/quote]
The best thing for you to do right now is team up with another screenwriter. Even co-write. Take a 'story by' credit and give the screenplay credit to someone else. A screenplay is just a small part of the production. Indeed once it is written the writer is often forgotten about as much as possible. The producer gets all the credit. Hitchcock didn't write, The Birds, Ed McBain did (under the pseudonym, Evan Hunter). Hitchcock went to Ed Mcbain and simply said something along the lines of, hey read this short story by Daphne du Maurier and write a script along those lines. That was it in regards to the script and story. They would have collaborated through drafts too, but the writer was not Hitchcock. Who gets all the credit? The Producer..[/quote]

I tell you what Dustin, why don't you rewrite the Traffic Warden scene and we can see how good it is?. I'm not being sarcastic,  I really want to see..[/quote]

Quoted from AtholForsyth I tell you what Dustin, why don't you rewrite the Traffic Warden scene and we can see how good it is?. I'm not being sarcastic,  I really want to see.

I'm 40 pages into a new thriller. Why would I want to write your short?

Because you been telling me from the start to get someone else to write my script.

Do one paragraph and if it's good, I'll take my hat off to you.

If you don't even try, then shut the fuck up and find some other mother fucker to wind up.

I tell you what, you give me a paragraph from one of your scripts and I'll replace it, make it in the first 5 pages and we'll see who is the creative here.
I'll shoot you down in flames.

Quoted from AtholForsyth I'll shoot you down in flames.

Quoted from DustinBowcot My scripts are all over the site...If you want to put your scripts against mine, all you have to do is post something.

This.

I have not noticed, but have you commented on any of Dustin's work, or had a fair, honest read of some of it?

When I have a disagreement with a fellow author, their own work is the absolute first place I go to verify their cred.

Quoted from bert have you commented on any of Dustin's work, or had a fair, honest read of some of it?

Have you?  And I don't ask that to be a smartass, but all the scripts I've read from him I have not been impressed at the least bit.  So, I'm wondering if there's a script of his that you've read that you'd be willing to  recommend.  Again, not trying to fan the flames, just trying to gain a broader perspective of the situation.

Quoted from NickSedario Have you?

Of course.  I read a little something by nearly everyone -- even you -- though I do not always elect to comment.

I recall one Dustin wrote about a magician -- and while I found it somewhat flawed, and told him so, it was also unique and engaging enough that I saw it through to its conclusion.

I would point you to that one -- "Great Escape" if memory serves -- though I do not have time to track down the link.

Quoted from bert This. I have not noticed, but have you commented on any of Dustin's work, or had a fair, honest read of some of it?

If I'm honest which I am, I haven't read much of his stuff. I did try to read 'Donny and somebody' but I got put off straight away when someone was trying to do a shit, farted, then followed through. I did read on for a a bit after that but I thought he had ate the dictonary so I bailed like a rat down a drainpipe.

But the main problem I have is he's an arrogant waste of time.

This is about him telling me what I should and shouldn't do.
Read back to the Cocaine Galore thread and this one if you have time and you'll see where it all comes from.

He don't like newbies or anyone that he feels that he's superior over, which is about 101%.

The proof is, look back the feedback he has given, he gives bad negative feedback, falls out with the person, comes back in like a new person, all possitive. Next thing you know, he's snapping at the heals, waiting for a response and if he dont get it straight away snap snap snap .

Hey Athol

Ok, I gave it a read through. Since it's only 3 pages, it only took five minutes. So what got from that five minutes of reading was....

Dialogue - It read so so. Not terrible by any means.  Example. Big Bald guy tells traffic cop "Aye, get your stinking hands off me." For some reason I was compelled to say " You damn dirty ape" That's just me..lol.  The rest read fine, it was only 3 pages

Story- As many stated, there needed to be a little more depth into. I know  it's a borderline micro-short, but even still. Why was billy the bomb so pissed? I mean we all get tickets and they suck. But he seemed extra pissed. Pissed enough to hit a traffic cop. Maybe insert some type of reason on why he was angry that day. Could have given your character a bit more depth.

Overall it was ok.  But I think you could admit it needed some more work.

Hope this helps in any way.

Best of luck man

Marcello

Quoted from bert Of course.  I read a little something by nearly everyone -- even you -- though I do not always elect to comment. I recall one Dustin wrote about a magician -- and while I found it somewhat flawed, and told him so, it was also unique and engaging enough that I saw it through to its conclusion. I would point you to that one -- "Great Escape" if memory serves -- though I do not have time to track down the link.

I'll check it out.  And I suppose I did see some talent in his Adm and Ev script.  Heck I even liked his troll story to a certain degree.   Okay sorry to distract this thread, but one last thing.  Dusty has been riding Athol pretty hard.  He's like the Energizer Bunny on crack.  Keeps going, on and on, and on, and on...And Athol's taken fairly well.  Most people would've run off by now.

So props to Athol.  Just no more white boy rap, please.  

I know it needs work Reel-Truth I'm not denying that in the slightest but remember films aint real life. Look at 'Training Day' with Denzel. He's a nasty piece of work, a bent cop, he beats people up, not for any reason more than he want to.

I'm Scottish and if I used the line 'You damn dirty ape' it wouldn't ring true, nobody says that here.

As I said I know it needs more depth and I plan to fix it,

Thanks man

It was a Planet of the Apes reference. I wasn't saying to use it. Not at all. I was just saying that's where my brain went after reading that line.

Definitely don't use that ape line...lol

Hey writer!
I look around some scripts around holidays, so I'm finally back from nowhere since the One Week Challenge. Who cares... Ok, 1 and a half page. I'm not experienced in this short length, but story is story...
I got no personal conflict here; in any of the other discussions; hope to spend you some feedback.

Want to say to you that I like the script and maybe that helps you to reflect your statistic better. It's not in a false way concerning to the number of peoples with sympathy for the stuff.

It's a very short script.Shoot the script if possible for you. It works imo.  It's easy to shoot. I see it almost ready for filming.

A big rough John Goodman guy (only by giving me the characters name; it's enough ) and a helpless thin controller. There's a comic-style violence scene, oversubscribed (don't know if that's the right term) sure, but, why not? It's cinematic. It's a kind of telling a story, for sure.

The twist (pointe) is good.
I would do almost nothing to the script except of making the pointe bigger in style.

The cop could respond the actual emergency-call of the victim which he gets from the police office to the radio in his car by saying sth. like the following - just better: "Yeah-no, false alert!" Then he starts the engine and there's coming off the radio Cypress Hills "Ouuh Ouhh, sound of the police" He rushes away in his Mustang.

I'm not joking- point out the cool behavior of the cop. I see only more style in the pointe. It's already the strength of your script, you can develop it further.

Another thought is- you could do the headbut-move with some slow-motion blood. I mean tune the violence act up, your twist is so good and will avoid the film of being stupid violent stuff.
Shoot it up. Could be a runner on youtube.

Quoted from PrussianMosby Cypress Hills "Ouuh Ouhh, sound of the police"

lights a joint at the end instead of a cig, Hits from the Bong

I think we onto something