Vultures by Yuvraj Rajwanshi - Short, Drama - For a farmer, nothing is worse than seeing his crops destroyed. But there is always something much worse.  4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

The link isn't working, Don.

Quoted from Yuvraj The link isn't working, Don.

Fixed.

Don

Quoted from Don Fixed. Don

Thanks Don for posting. And for that amazing swiftness my man!!

Hi Yuvraj.
I didn't see a story here. To me, it was much to poetry.

All the best.    

Quoted from BarryJohn Hi Yuvraj. I didn't see a story here. To me, it was much to poetry. All the best.

Thx, Barry, for reading and commenting.

I think it is pretty much clear. The story shows the harsh side of life. One misery just befallen, another soon followed.

Anyways, if it felt poetic to you, it is completely fine. Love to hear different perspectives.  

Thank you once again.

Yuvraj,

Even though there isn't any story here, this is well written. This will work as an opening for something bigger or a random scene from a bigger story.

On second thought, if I look at this story from an Indian perspective, this may work as a political satire too. Parasites (capitalism) are destroying the farmers (farming industry) for their own benefits. Perhaps, I am thinking too much. Lol.

Good writing.

Quoted from Fais85 Yuvraj, Even though there isn't any story here, this is well written. This will work as an opening for something bigger or a random scene from a bigger story. On second thought, if I look at this story from an Indian perspective, this may work as a political satire too. Parasites (capitalism) are destroying the farmers (farming industry) for their own benefits. Perhaps, I am thinking too much. Lol. Good writing.

Thanks, Fais, for reading and commenting.

As for mentioning that there 'isn't any real story here', I would beg to differ. Since no writer writes without anything in his/her head.

This simply signifies the fact that when life hits you with bad luck, it hits really hard.

Anyways, thank you checking this out.

Yuvraj, gave this a read. First, your writing continues to improve. You've come quite a ways in a short time.

But I'll echo the others and say I didn't see much of a story here.

Still, some interesting visuals on display. Keep writing, Dude.

Quoted from Zack Yuvraj, gave this a read. First, your writing continues to improve. You've come quite a ways in a short time. But I'll echo the others and say I didn't see much of a story here. Still, some interesting visuals on display. Keep writing, Dude.

Thank you,  Zack, reading and commenting.

As far as the story goes, I will say there is a story. Back to back misery. No one wants that.

Thank you once again for checking this out.

Less of a story and more of a theme IMO.

Quoted from Zack Less of a story and more of a theme IMO.

Well, I probably don't disagree.

I found it easy to read. It can develop to a nice story.

Quoted from Miranda I found it easy to read. It can develop to a nice story.

Thank you, Miranda, for reading and commenting.

Hi Yuvraj,

I like the tone and visuals, very gloomy and ambiguous. You've set the stage well for a story, I feel more along the lines of horror though for this one. Maybe it's because I just watched a new release last night called The Dark and the Wicked. Your script reminded me of that. Set on a isolated farm, a dying husband in bed, wife depressed, but in this instant it was the devil harassing them. The tone of that is similar to yours and it got 90% critics on rotton tomatoes. Although I thought the story was too simple. The scripts of yours that I have read are strong with tone and atmosphere which is great!  

Quoted from Kirsten Hi Yuvraj, I like the tone and visuals, very gloomy and ambiguous. You've set the stage well for a story, I feel more along the lines of horror though for this one. Maybe it's because I just watched a new release last night called The Dark and the Wicked. Your script reminded me of that. Set on a isolated farm, a dying husband in bed, wife depressed, but in this instant it was the devil harassing them. The tone of that is similar to yours and it got 90% critics on rotton tomatoes. Although I thought the story was too simple. The scripts of yours that I have read are strong with tone and atmosphere which is great!

Thank you, Kirsten, for reading and commenting! Really appreciate it!