A Ballad Of Morbid Fantasy

by Zackary M Akers

Two disturbed strangers come together to satisfy their darkest desires. 9 pages - - Short, Horror - pdf format


Writer interested in feedback on this work




The Trailer



Follow along on The Facebook

Thanks for getting this one up, Don.

So, the plan was to shoot Under The Blood Moon this upcoming July, but it turns out that I bit off more than I can chew. My team and I decided that our first production should be something simpler. Something we are confident that we can do justice with the finished product. This script is the result of this shift in approach.

Can't wait to share the completed short film with you all!  

Well, I for one can't wait to see it, so chop-chop.  

We get what's advertised here, so well done. I suggest you mention the music reaching a crescendo along with Claire's warcry. The bit with the telephone (cord) reads a bit convoluted
- I thought for sure because she mentioned the slow death that she would just sit back and watch - or maybe dance (or something likewise absurd).

Gabe's motivation seems unclear but I suspect that's not the point.

One big thing you must change (granted, Claire is vile) is the word vile to vial.

Good luck with this, Zack. Great to hear you'll be filming your own material.

Thanks for reading and the feedback! Happy you enjoyed it.

In the first draft, there was a bit more background information revealed about Gabe. Issue is that it messed with the pacing. And since this is ultimately Claire's story, I thought it best to trim the fat.

Thanks for the heads-up on that typo. At least one always slips by me.

Thanks again, Libby. Hope you are doing well!

Quoted from LC The bit with the telephone (cord) reads a bit convoluted - I thought for sure because she mentioned the slow death that she would just sit back and watch - or maybe dance (or something likewise absurd).

I think you might be on to something there...  

Quoted from Zack I think you might be on to something there...

Cool, will be interested to see what more you do with it.

New draft up. Thanks, Don.

Incorporated most of your notes, Libby. Appreciate your help.

We've got a teaser trailer just about finished up, as well as a new poster. Will be sharing them both very soon!

Here's a link to the Oblong Box Productions Facebook group page, where you can keep up to date on this project. -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1547830519380479

Read the new draft, Zack.

Question: Are you filming this for experience e.g. delving into the film making process as well as writing, and this is your first project so that content is not overly ambitious for your debut?

Good to see the phone chord is gone, and it's more hands on, so to speak,   but honestly I wanted more story by way of clarification, or a twist.

For example - if Claire has been done wrong in the past and is trailing these guys on a website who have this deadly fetish it plays perfectly into her own bloodlust maybe? Sort of like the character in Promising Young Woman - more than meets the eye. We get some impression of this because of your final scene.

I don't really get why Gabe goes along with everything. What was her plan if he'd said he doesn't drink? My other quibble is why the Salisbury steak? It appears isolated to the whole plot and only there as misdirection so the audience thinks she's going to poison him this way? Dinner's ready! But not for her... Seems odd that she wouldn't share a meal with him, or at least pretend to.  And then why give him what appears to be a revolting microwave meal - is this just the macabre Lynchian absurdity of it all that he just goes along with everything?

I think everything just went too easily for her. I would have loved a surprise at the end; something up his sleeve (that nobody sees coming) so that they both ended up dead at the end. And then fade out on the hidden video camera in the wall.

Or, if not something he had up his sleeve then some gruesome last minute accidental death (think Six Feet Under) for her involving slipping on gravy (her Mum's favourite recipe) and a steak knife to a vital organ.

P.S. Zack, this is just a FYI and I don't expect you to change it cause it's minor, but : recurring (as in dreams) and reoccurring are two different words.

Hey man, I know you’re producing this, but I’d love to make another version. I fell in love with the psychological horror and just want to throw cinematographic brain behind it. This is me begging for permission.

Quoted from Misterkba Hey man, I know you�re producing this, but I�d love to make another version. I fell in love with the psychological horror and just want to throw cinematographic brain behind it. This is me begging for permission.

Appreciate you reaching out. Happy you enjoyed the script and am flattered that you'd like to produce it yourself. For now, I'd prefer to be the only one to produce this script... So I'll have to decline your request. Luckily for you, there are plenty of other quality scripts here.

If you'd like for me to write something for you specifically, that can be arranged.

This is pretty messed up, and I mean it as a compliment. Claire’s actions are deranged yet precise. She was delightfully insane. She just kills for mindless fun.

I too would have liked to have known what her backup plan was if he didn’t drink. When Gabe first started falling ill, I thought there was something in the recipe and perhaps she took after her grandmother in her devious hobby.

This made me think of the many Jeffery Dahmer murders and the many people who expected a quiet get-together but ended up dead. I wonder what went through their minds.

I don’t have any advice that hasn’t already been said.

I will think of this story anytime I hear In the Hall of the Mountain King.

While I have your attention, do you have any Potem news?

Hey, Michael! Thanks for reading, man. Happy that you enjoyed this one.

Still rewriting The Potem. Rewriting a few things, actually.

Looking forward to this!  

Thanks, Libby! Can't wait to share it with you.