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A Slice in Time (currently 186 views)
Don
Posted: July 25th, 2021, 10:18am
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So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
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A Slice in Time by Gary Parr - Short, Sci Fi - Two boys, a time machine, and a hankering for pizza. What could possibly go wrong? 3 pages - pdf format
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Gary Parr
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 8:52am
New
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Reply: 1 - 10
AlexanderLR
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 9:28am
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This was a good laugh. Sci-fi with some dark humour at the end, can't really find any faults so well done. Cool title as well.
Reply: 2 - 10
Gary Parr
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 11:06am
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Thanks man,
glad you liked it
Reply: 3 - 10
bert
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 12:38pm
Administrator Buy the ticket, take the ride
Location That's me in the corner
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This is fun. Well written, with the balance of description and dialogue just right.
Hey, it's my tiny, little
IMDb!
Reply: 4 - 10
Gary Parr
Posted: July 28th, 2021, 10:00am
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Hey Bert,
Thanks for the read. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for the feedback, gives me a lot of other ideas
Reply: 5 - 10
Zack
Posted: July 28th, 2021, 11:32am
January Project Group
Don't get it right. Get it written.
Location Kentucky
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You've got quite the imagination, Gary.
Very creative. I really like this.
You're writing is much better here than the last script of yours that I read. Still some grammar and punctuation issues, but nothing major. A missing period on page 3 stood out to me.
Short, sweet, and surprisingly dark. My kind of script. Good stuff, Dude.
Reply: 6 - 10
Warren
Posted: July 28th, 2021, 5:39pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
Posts 3546
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Hi, Gary, this was an entertaining little short and I think it could actually be made on a pretty small budget.
Reply: 7 - 10
Gary Parr
Posted: July 29th, 2021, 7:19am
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You've got quite the imagination, Gary.
Very creative. I really like this.
You're writing is much better here than the last script of yours that I read. Still some grammar and punctuation issues, but nothing major. A missing period on page 3 stood out to me.
Short, sweet, and surprisingly dark. My kind of script. Good stuff, Dude.
Thanks Zack,
glad you liked it. And thanks for the feedback. I'll give another edit to fix the issues you mentioned.
Reply: 8 - 10
Gary Parr
Posted: July 29th, 2021, 7:20am
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Hi, Gary, this was an entertaining little short and I think it could actually be made on a pretty small budget.
Thanks Warren,
Glad you liked it.
I'll be writing a new draft this weekend to try and improve it.
Reply: 9 - 10
Zack
Posted: July 30th, 2021, 12:23pm
January Project Group
Don't get it right. Get it written.
Location Kentucky
Posts 3960
Posts Per Day 0.71
Thanks Zack,
glad you liked it. And thanks for the feedback. I'll give another edit to fix the issues you mentioned.
No problem. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Reply: 10 - 10
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A Slice in Time
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Very creative. I really like this.
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