Space Mars Mission :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

I can tell that you aren’t much of a science geek. Some of your terms are a little off. That’s something that can be fixed with a little bit of research. There are many science-based magazines at the grocery store and in the public library that you may find educational as well as inspirational.

That said, it’s impressive that you undertook this story, anyway. While the science in the story wasn’t perfectly accurate, the story had a strong human feel to it. Ray Bradbury would have been impressed. If you haven’t heard of him, look him up. My favorite book of his is the Illustrated Man. It's a collection of short stories. A few of the stories in it are about space. This story would fit in with those.

Lately, I haven’t been so keen on the idea of sending people to Mars. After reading your script, I am even less enthused about going. You point out that the weather is horrible and dangerous. I heard someplace else that it’s not the kind of place to raise the kids. In fact it’s cold as hell. And there’s no one there to raise them, if you didn’t.

Anyway…

You need to break up your action text. A paragraph should not be more than 4 lines. Some people think that each line of action should be on its own line. I’m not quite sold on that extreme. However, seeing paragraphs greater than four lines could dissuade people from reading your work.

You shouldn’t use verbs that end in “ing” like walking and sitting. People walk around. People sit. People relax. People talk. Active verbs rule. Passive verbs get ignored.

A space station stays in orbit. It doesn’t go to Mars. A train station doesn’t go from city to city. The train does. A spaceship goes to another planet. You could call the spaceship the “Mars Explorer”.

While this story is pretty good, I think I liked “Pyramid” more. I’m not sure.