The story has definite promise and may have worked better (for me) if there were some clues to the crime along the way that would sum up the ending. Reg is 'well spoken' but agree with others on Edie's phrasing. More time and submitting for a two-week challenge would prove worthy!

Make sure all of the description is necessary. Do we need to know that the car is a Ford? Probably not.

When Reg says "fiance, eh?" Edie has already mentioned her fiance before.

I did not see that twist coming at the end, but it made sense, wasn't too out there.

I liked it a lot until I reached the ending - not because I didn't want it to end but because I didn't like the way you handled it. I don't know the right way to handle it but right now the VOis on the nose for me. And her inhandcuffs and all is rather abrupt. The fact that she might have killedher fiance isnot a twist for me either. He was cheating onher andbeating her.

But it was a captivating read other than that.

Pretty much my fave at the moment though low budget it wouldn't be.

Really good set up and writing and its one of the few entries to have people trapped in cab in a proper way.

Recommend but will have budget issues

I have very mixed feelings about this. It's overly written but this also sets the scene vividly. The first three pages are quite dull, I was expecting this to be just a charismatic cabbie charming the truth out of his customer on their journey and helping her make a major life decision.

The crash was a welcome change of pace and quite spectacular. Unfortunately this and the extreme setting puts this script beyond the reach of a lot of low budget producers.

After a few very tense and atmospheric moments, the script returns to the taxi driver trying to charm the truth out of Edie. Reg is a very likable character but some of the dialogue exchange doesn't quite work. It feels unnatural, especially when they are both seriously injured.

As others have mentioned the twist at the end comes a bit out of left field and also doesn't resolve what Reg asked Edie to say to his wife.

A well written script, an atmospheric story and a commendable effort for one week. With further drafts, I'm sure this will be stellar.

-Mark  

Well written. Flows smoothly. Over all, a good piece of work.

Just a couple of things . . .
I do think Edie's dialogue is often too on the nose.
Not sure how to film "Keep Calm".

For some reason I read Reg as a Brit - wasn’t till the vulture appeared that I realised we weren’t in Scotland… Maybe it’s the name?  I reckon a UK writer behind this, something in Reg’s dialogue…

Anyways, not a bad idea.  I didn’t see the end coming, but unfortunately that left it feeling a bit tacked on -- the newspaper headline was pretty much from out of nowhere.  I did like the deer visual - it gives the whole thing a deeper meaning but Edie’s past was so hidden that I feel kind of cheated.  There’s nothing but the newspaper to suggest the truth -- or maybe i’m being harsh?

Didn’t feel much impact in Reg’s V.O. at the end.  Events were really beyond their control leaving them effectively passive in all this.  All we really get is a choice from Edie to tell Reg only a half truth.  Even Reg’s ‘tell Rosie’ angle got lost in the final scene along with the budget.

Nicely written, a little description heavy in places but it helped set the pacing/mood.

Decent effort.

Not sure about the vulture, in the snow.

Tighten up the ending, and perhaps make her more active, and it s nice tight tale

Consider

Nicely written. I liked the different turns you had in this short.

I didn't see that ending coming. It was a nice twist, but I think it came out of nowhere.

Maybe, just maybe, the driver should tell her what he wants her to tell Rosie, and then she could say something like, That was beautiful, but just out of curiosity, was there ever a time you thought about murder.
Then maybe she could look at him and find him dead...

Just saying.

Good read though.

Congrats,
Cindy

     It was a great accomplishment to engage me throughout the script from fade in till fade to black. It was certainly an enjoyable read. The writing, the dialogue, the character were all solid.

     But if I were to nitpick I would complain about how slow the first act was. I know that you can't force the pace out of the right tempo because of page count limitation, because it would feel unnatural. I wish you have found a way to get us over the introduction between the characters and the first reveals of Eddie story a bit faster. Because the good stuff only started after the car crashed. Before it the dialogue was too casual despite all the hints you tried to throw at us about Eddie internal emotion.

    Also it felt a bit forced that right after the crash Reg was requesting a confession. Didn't seem plausible nor natural in such a situation. You should have gave it time, something that would have been easy to do if you crashed the taxi earlier than you did.

    The reveal in the end was good but I wish it was great instead. The full impact of a twist or a reveal is when white turns out to be black not when grey turns out to be black. We already knew something was seriously wrong with Eddie at that point. Maybe even earlier. So the reveal was a mere explanation and had no momentum to affect us.

     One of the ways you could have got this fixed is by making Eddie resist all Reg attempts to get a confession. It might have been great if you left us with doubt about how right Reg was in his read of Eddie. You could have had her smile and show all the opposite signs of a woman in her situation just to lead us to that shocking reveal in the end.

    Like I said it's one of the ways I could think of. But you did great. This is a very solid script that got great potential despite the scary budget that could cost to get it produced. But after a few rewrites it could serve as a wonderful writing example.

OMG - this one's awesome - one of my faves!  Frankly - so far from what else I've read - it deserves to be the winner of the OWC... or at least a runner up.

(I suspect I know who wrote it, but I could be wrong...)

My thoughts:

Maybe cap EDIE at her intro?

p. 8: suggestion – at first, Edie would likely try to argue her injuries are due to the crash.  But Regie mentions he saw them before… well,*this* thing…

General comment: I could also see Regie making a BRIEF comment about the crash being a “wake up call” – about how precious life can be, and Edie shouldn’t waste time with a loser that uses her as a punching bag… before they even tie the knot.  (Just saying! One doesn't have to be on the nose about it, but it's still an organic and satisfying line.)

Love this one, impressive, enchanting. Had a beautiful cinematic atmosphere to it... like The English Patient, I know, polar opposites (sand vs. snow). Felt like a silent requiem for some reason, or candle mass perhaps.

I hit a big ass Buck once, doing 120kmh... damn near ripped the thing in half, and totaled my truck. Physically I was fine (thank God for air bags) but, emotionally... it caused PTSD for awhile. I think, if Edie was in shock when they found her, maybe similar to Tom Hanks in 'Captain Phillips'... when it was all over he was an emotional train wreck and, it really gave you a sense of how trauma can creep up on you when you put your guard down. Just opinion of course.

Not a big fan of the ending... does Edie have to be a murderer? Go to prison? Kind of bummed me out because it was going along so peacefully, IMO. Great use of theme, well done.

Great writing! The ending didn't resonate with me - neither did Reg's speaking on the taxi holding him together. What did resonate with me was how the stakes kept getting raised, I kept wanting to go further. The imagery with the deer was fantastic.

Overall, this was solid writing. The dialogue has a few issues but I see others have already discussed it at length.

I just wish you had gone a bit darker with this one. They're in this dangerous situation yet calmly discussing marital stuff. I like Reg's character a lot but not so much Edie. I could see her as a manipulative liar that spins a tale of marital bliss as part of a plan to get Reg to sacrifice himself to save her or something like that. Although that'd be a very different story and maybe one you're not interested in telling...

As written though, there's just not a lot of conflict. The crash is tense. But then he's doling out life lessons. This seems like a perfect set-up for a "you or me" scenario where only one person is gonna be able to make it out alive. But if that's not the kind of short you wanna write... I guess my advice would be just shore up the dialogue as others have mentioned.

I enjoyed this one.

I thought the writing was great and story kept me intrigued to the end... but then I felt a little let down with the headline... why? because I predicted it.

I was hoping for a bigger twist, but still one of the better entires.

good job on entering