SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is August 20th, 2019, 3:41am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Press 1 for ... - Sold! - Filmed!
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Press 1 for ... - Sold! - Filmed!  (currently 1154 views)
Don
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 9:44am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13186
Posts Per Day
1.94
Press 1 for Ö by Anthony Cawood - Short, Thriller - A lonely telephone centre operator takes a call from a customer who is closer than she imagines. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work




Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 18th, 2019, 4:15pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Warren
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 6:09pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
2592
Posts Per Day
2.21
Hi Anthony,

This one didnít really grab me. It would be more effective if filmed. Also, this 'I'm on the phone but I can also see you or I'm in the room' thing has really been done to death.

One thing I would say as far as the format goes. I think it would be more effectively written if all the (O.S.) were written as (V.O.). This will cause us to think he is just on the phone and not in the room. The way it's written I assumed he was in the room from the first line he spoke. You also say that the last line of dialogue is heard through the phone and in the room. So if all the initial dialogue is heard through the phone it would be correct to write it as a voice over anyway.

Simple enough to make, so I can see this getting snapped up.

All the best.


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 27
MichaelYu
Posted: May 14th, 2018, 5:34am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
44
Posts Per Day
0.02
Anthony,

I have a feeling that this 2 page script is a setup. If it is, the setup is good.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 14th, 2018, 1:14pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Thanks both.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 27
Zombie Sean
Posted: May 14th, 2018, 1:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser

Location
Anywhere there's a zombie...
Posts
1458
Posts Per Day
0.29
Hey Anthony,

A quick read, nicely well done. I will agree with Warren, the idea has been done quite a bit, but the setup and payoff would make for a fun micro short. I can see the lit computer screens turning off, and each one is closer and closer to her, until our antagonist reaches her cubicle. I'd say, just to give us a bit more of Carol, to have her answer a call or two beforehand with other customers, just to give her character a bit more oomph and development. Even in a short as short as this one, you still want to have your characters have some kind of fleshing out; a few more lines from Carol could give her character another layer or two. Make her a bitch, or someone who hates her job, or something. Otherwise, she's just a call center lady who has nothing. I dunno, just some ideas to help flesh this out a bit more. I like how short it is, but you could tack on an extra page or two if you wanted to. And like MichaelYu had stated, this seems like a good setup for something more. Play around with the idea!


MY WEBSITE

CLICK A POSTER
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 27
Forgive
Posted: May 15th, 2018, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1432
Posts Per Day
0.42
Hey Anthony - last line but one is 'behind her and the Carol's headset' so doesn't make sense ... couple of problems here for me, first being that the man dictates the questions first, so he's pushing the direction, but then it turns and Carol's questioning him; the direction of the conflict needs to be maintained from him to her and the pressure and tension build from there ... second, the boiler's really irrelevant, but could you bring in that she's lonely and build on that ... oh and the third of my two issues, I'd bring in the cardigan early on in the description if it's going to be key in any way at the end. Positives are that its potentially really simple to film, so worth working on
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 27
StevenClark
Posted: May 15th, 2018, 10:04pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Upstate NY
Posts
1860
Posts Per Day
0.78
Anthony,

Seems like a little script written for an easy film project. And it would be easy to film. However, I think this needs a tad more background to it. I'd like to think it might make it creepier if Carol knew the caller. Perhaps he could be an obsessed ex or something, and play it up that way. At least that would give us a little something to grasp onto. At least it would me. I had a creepy stalker once. Scared the shit outta me!

Steve


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 27
LC
Posted: May 15th, 2018, 11:22pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3589
Posts Per Day
0.90

Quoted from StevenClark
Anthony,

Seems like a little script written for an easy film project. And it would be easy to film. However, I think this needs a tad more background to it. I'd like to think it might make it creepier if Carol knew the caller. Perhaps he could be an obsessed ex or something, and play it up that way. At least that would give us a little something to grasp onto. At least it would me. I had a creepy stalker once. Scared the shit outta me!

Steve


Really, Steve? That is creepy.

This is a good idea to inject into the script.

Anthony, I felt the story was just getting off the starter's block. I know it was a one page challenge and it's pretty good but does need ramping up imh. You've a great set up, turn the lights down low, minimal staff on night shift etc.

It could be great payback. We get telemarketers here who relentlessly call, and I've heard stories of them getting obsessed when people hang up on them. I know everyone's got to make a living but usually it's a case of they've got your number but you don't have theirs. It'd be good to tell a story where the tables are turned.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 27
Philostrate
Posted: July 16th, 2018, 2:05pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
335
Posts Per Day
0.61
Hi Anthony,

It's quick to read, well-written, has good visuals and is simple to film. I wouldn't be surprised if it gets picked up.

However, I feel like the others: it needs a little more background (to grab our attention) or character development (to empathize). Steve and Sean's ideas are both good starting points in that direction...  

If you don't have the time but want to give it a little more background maybe you can try make Carol find an article in the paper about a series of mysterious disappearances in call centers while she fills the Sudoku. Just thinking out loud...

David


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 16th, 2018, 3:39pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Oops - just noticed that this has garnered a few comments that I've not responded to, apols one and all!

This one was written as a one-page challenge, so intentionally quick and to the point.

I'm planning a re-write of this and a few of my other one pages, written for same challenge, in the not too distant future. So many thanks for all your thoughts and suggestions.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 27
Anon
Posted: August 3rd, 2018, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Posts
156
Posts Per Day
0.14
This isn't a critique - just an observation - this one totally reminded me of this Rick and Morty clip. -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lcM9btwz2M

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 27
jayrex
Posted: August 3rd, 2018, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.31
I liked this one.  Nice flow.  And a good ending too.  I can see this one being made.  And quite possibly lengthened to maybe 5-10 pages.


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 11 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 29th, 2018, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Press 1 for... Has been sold, should shoot early in 2019.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 12 - 27
jayrex
Posted: November 29th, 2018, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.31
Congratulations!


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 4:12pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Thanks Jayrex


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 14 - 27
MichaelYu
Posted: January 5th, 2019, 5:04am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
44
Posts Per Day
0.02
Congratulations!

Look forward to watching it. If my guess is right, the running time will be more than 2 minutes.

Michael
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 15 - 27
HyperMatt
Posted: January 5th, 2019, 8:47am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
London, UK
Posts
468
Posts Per Day
0.52
Congrats Anthony!

Couldn't happen to a nicer bloke.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 27
pale yellow
Posted: January 5th, 2019, 9:46am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Jacksonville FL
Posts
2137
Posts Per Day
0.76
OH super duper congrats Anthony!!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 17 - 27
eldave1
Posted: January 5th, 2019, 11:19am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
4829
Posts Per Day
2.62
Great news, Anthony - much congrats


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 27
Philostrate
Posted: January 5th, 2019, 5:55pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
335
Posts Per Day
0.61
Congrats, Anthony!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 19 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 20 - 27
Warren
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
2592
Posts Per Day
2.21
Nice looking little production. Congrats Anthony!


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
Logged
Private Message Reply: 21 - 27
_ghostwriters
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
Regular


I am a writer first and a critic second.

Location
"On the road to Rome."
Posts
904
Posts Per Day
0.24
Congratulations!  Is in order for you as well, Anthony. -Andrea


A-CAROLING FOR CHRISTMAS

GHOSTS OF APPALOOSA

RISE OF THE AMAZONS

THE SLEEPING TIGER

THE TIME GUARDIAN

https://lifeofrileysite.yolasite.com/resources/Jayonna%20Wick.pdf

"When I dive... I go deep, only to surface the hub when necessary."

Logged
Private Message Reply: 22 - 27
eldave1
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 8:15pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
4829
Posts Per Day
2.62
Nicely done!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 23 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 3:59pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Thanks all, and thanks Don for adding a banner and getting it on the links.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 24 - 27
Philostrate
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 4:52pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
335
Posts Per Day
0.61
Just finished watching it. Nice work!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 25 - 27
Kevin_S
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 10:13am Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
51
Posts Per Day
0.01
I just watched your movie on the main page and then read your script. I could listen to them talk all day. Those accents are awesome.  Good little short.  I noticed they changed from cubicles to home office . Was the location change done for the ease of not having to secure an office building or a creative decision?

I think the home office worked well because someoneís home is their sanctuary, whether they work out of it or not. Being stalked at your home seems to me ,added more suspense, cause your guard is gonna be down more.  I think everyone showcased their talent on this piece really well.  

Well done!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 26 - 27
AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 10:43am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3016
Posts Per Day
1.43
Hey David/Kevin - thanks for taking a watch.

Kevin, yes wasn't easy for the filmmaker to secure an office so he improvised, agree with you - works well!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 27 - 27
 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006