SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 6th, 2021, 4:24am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Wedding Day
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Wedding Day  (currently 303 views)
Don
Posted: July 31st, 2021, 9:08am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
15045
Posts Per Day
1.97
Wedding Day by Ben Breuer - Short, Thriller - A young woman is imprisoned on her wedding day by a woman with white savior complex. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
AlexanderLR
Posted: August 9th, 2021, 12:52pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
62
Posts Per Day
0.21
Quite a unique direction so well done. I have to admit I did have to read it a second time to really get it. Just a few things to consider:

   Don't need the beats. Makes it look too busy.

   Don't need (CONT'D).

   (Shouts Silently) - didn't really get that. Unless she's being watched on a monitor and the FEMALE VOICE has
   switched the sound off?

   Black lifes - should be Black lives. Don't forget to always re-read.

Maybe after...

                          FEMALE VOICE  
             You should care more about
             what's going on around you
             and be less self-centered.

...you could then put...

                          CHARLOTTE
           Well excuse me it was my wedding day!

           Don't know if I missed something, but why did the pigeons explode? Was it like a SAW scenario
           where a device is attached to the victim?

           I wonder what happened to the groom? Might be something to think about or delve into. Is he also
           trapped somewhere?

Overall I liked it, just a few tweaks needed here and there. Also remember to finish with FADE OUT or THE END or both.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 6
almighty9000
Posted: August 12th, 2021, 8:40am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.02
thank you for the pointers. Very helpful!
I appreciate you reading it. If you have something you would like feedback on just let me know
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 6
AlexanderLR
Posted: August 12th, 2021, 11:48am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
62
Posts Per Day
0.21
You're welcome. Yeah I do have a few scripts but I don't know how to attach them here in the discussion board so you can open them. I've noticed in the forum rules it says 'you may not post attachments'? I'm not very technical you see!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
AlexanderLR
Posted: August 12th, 2021, 11:55am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
62
Posts Per Day
0.21
Teeth, Terror and Toby

Unboxing


Here a two of my stories if you'd like to have a look.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 6
AlexanderLR
Posted: August 12th, 2021, 11:58am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
62
Posts Per Day
0.21
Or search for as I've just realised you can't click on them!! I'll figure it out eventually! LOL
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
LC
Posted: August 12th, 2021, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
6127
Posts Per Day
1.27
Alexander & almighty9000,

Here's a link that may help you both:

New Person's Guide to SS:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-cc/m-1124159895/

You can add script links to your Sig.
You can also post a link to a script, especially considering almighty offered to read in exchange.

Teeth, Terror and Toby:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-shortcomedy/m-1619789904/s-new/


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006