Hi all, I'm looking for feedback on this pilot that I have written for an animated series.

Logline: A young farmhand undertakes a quest with his most hated enemy across the land to warn his uncle of a terrifying new threat to their way of life. The King.

I would appreciate feedback on the following:

My main focus for feedback:

Do I have a clear conflict?

Does my main character have a character arc? Are my characters compelling? (Not sure how possible this is in a short)

How can I add more subtext as I feel what I have written is quite on the nose?

Are there any animated scripts you suggest looking at? I struggled to find many to help with character descriptions?

As this is a pilot, I wanted to emphasise that some of the main themes for the series were: wanting freedom, being a parent and struggling with your child (And vice versa) , forgiveness, revenge, people pleasing and validation. Do you think these were present in the pilot?

I am hoping to cut to the 20/23 minute mark - are there any parts which were particularly uninteresting?

Here is a link to the script:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wXVPVCrX__5Dv2sCPWfuaxVe2h7ajSWO/view?usp=sharing

Hi Scrawlx,

A big part of this site is interacting with people so that when they kindly post feedback you respond.

People give up their time to read and reply but sadly no reply from you acknowledging that feedback. Please endeavour to do so.  It's kinda rude otherwise and not encouraging.

And then to post yet another WIP?

Apologies, I will try to do better in the future. It is not my intention to come across as rude at all. Sorry about this.