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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  Lessons - OWC
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Don
Posted: February 27th, 2008, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Lessons by Scott Peeler - Short, Drama - {no summary} - rtf, format



{Don's edit} - Note: This script doesn't entirely meet the criteria for the OWC as it is 19 pages and the limit was 12 pages.  This was an oversight on my part.  Since I did put it out as part of the OWC, I will leave the script up.  You may choose to review it or not.  However posts pointing out that it is over the 12 page limit or off topic posts will be deleted.}


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  March 8th, 2008, 3:52pm
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Zack
Posted: February 28th, 2008, 6:35pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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First things first... where's the sumary? Having no sumary is a huge turnoff...

I couldn't really get into to this one... It's very boring. Your description are bunched together like paragraphs in a novel.

I'd suggest reading some other screenplays on the site. It'll help you a ton, I promise.

I thought 12 pages was the maximum amount? This is 19 pages.

I won't give this an overall grade because I didn't finish the script. Sorry.

~Zack~


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TheUsualSuspect
Posted: February 29th, 2008, 11:13pm Report to Moderator
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I agree with Zack on this one.

It didn't flow that great for me and seriously what is with the no summary?

It easy to just write something that fits the OWC description and that's what you basically did. There was nothing here that kept my interest. I was struggling to finish.

Format problems, I'm sure there is some kind of thing you can download for a script format for WORD.

Nice effort though.


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cybercelt
Posted: March 2nd, 2008, 10:51am Report to Moderator
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All this needed was a blue pencil and a rewrite.
An edit would have cut it down to size without too much effect to the story.
  Spoilers..

It was a simple story and the ending not much of a surprise. The only real complaint was that the guy "walks out the front door". Why didn't Nightland do it himself?
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