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This was pretty good! It had vague connections with 'the dark', but ultimately the writer wasn't sure whether to continue with the comic undertones.
The violence at the end sort of changed the dynamics of the story. Up until then it was more of a spy movie spoof. Dragan's accent in my head sounded like the count from Sesame Street! Anyway, the script was faultlessly formatted and really moved.
Well? I'm pretty sure this isn't supposed to be a comedy, but it sure is fucking hilarious!
Wow! Love the "etc." in the dialogue. That's something quite common in human speech. Also, love the line Screenrider quoted. Pure comedy!
But...this isn't supposed to be comedy. This is supposed to be serious and dark. This isn't any of the two. There's also almost no story here at all. I'm actually scratching my head in amazement cause I don't really know what you were possibly thinking.
Tons of grammatical errors, passive verbiage, agonizing dialogue, over the top examples of action prose, crazy action, countless unfilmables...Oh God...
If this is meant as comedy, congrats, you succeeded. If not, back to the drawing board, bud. But again, if it is meant as comedy, why? Why would you not write a script for the challenge?
Damn, where's Baltis when you need him? I've got to find him so he can read this...
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Is Grant and Brent the same person? I'm sure it is as you got them mixed up. Don't understand the purpose of the flashbacks. Don't understand why Snuffles is there in the first place, especially for an assistant who doesn't obey his master.
The bantering back and forth between Brent and Dragan went on a bit too long. Especially during when Dragon doing his stuff with his apparatus.
The ending is a bit of a letdown as well. Don't get me wrong, it's still a complete incident, but it feels the story needs to go on further as there are some unanswered questions. Who's this Dragon guy anyway?
Anyway, I think it's a good effort and you did quite good for a week.
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
Hmm... Don't know where to start. Didn't feel like a serious enrty. I guess there's a sci-fi factor to it, but it's certainly not dark. It was comical, dunno if that was your aim. was almost hoping brent/Grant would try to fry Dragan's brain in the end and accidentally fry his own.
The dreaded BLACK BLOB of VENGEANCE. There's something you don't read everyday. I can honestly say I had no idea what was going on in this script, but that dialogue was some awesome camp.
PROFESSOR BRENT (urgent whispering) Come on, boy. Come on. Here boy. Here etc.
I lost it when I read that line. He's calling over a black blob with, "here etc." I can already picture that in moviestorm.
This sort of reminds me of some whacked out sci-fi story from the 50's. Didn't make much sense, and I don't think comedy was the goal here, but it is the end result. I don't think it really belongs in this OWC, but you definitely had some memorable lines in this one.