Ghosts of the Third Reich by Anonymous Alice - Short, Thriller - A nerdy ghost hunter must negotiate with a Nazi poltergeist in order to save his family or face a second Holocaust. - pdf, format

The premise and the first two pages had promise but then Captain aka Himmler killed it for me. Maybe the author was trying to be comical with "Himmler", because as is he just doesn't sound like a scary Nazi. More like a goofy version.

Points for sticking to the paramaters well. One room location, low budget, supernatural elements, hurricane, etc. Okay effort.

Eh.  This one was nothing special to me, sorry.  For a comedy, I didn't laugh once.  The writing and formatting are all there, but it just wasn't that funny.

So, I have to assume this is a pisser.  It's funny in some ways, but too dull to really succeed as a pisser.

I stopped on page 4, as the dialogue was just nonstop.

Listen, if you want to take the piss, you need to really let the urine out, and this didn't. sorry to say.

It's very awkward and offputting how you started out here, over BLACK with the V.O. conversation and then the BEEP.  Didb't work for me at all.  Then, you assume that we know Pete is stil on the phone and never give us a visual of him talking innto a phone and that's a mistake.

Then, on Page 2, the PETE ON VIDEO thing also reads poorly.

Sorry, this didn't do it for me at all.

I enjoyed this for the most part.  Stuck to the parameters well but I think some of the early more comical lines were a bit off-putting, especially given the underlying heavy stakes at the center of the story.

The Nazi should probably be a little more serious, I think.

Overall a good job for a week.

Greg

This had some lines that made me chuckle, but the script tries to strike an uneasy balance between humor and fright and the result was a mixed bag.  Not sure about the idea of making the ghost Himmler.  Why not just a local serial killer or something?  Never really cared much about the fate of the family because we never actually saw them in danger.

And then Himmler uses the ol' Keyser Soze on poor Pete.  But why is the phone number disconnected if the motel is actually still in business?

I appreciate the humor, but it's like the writer didn't know whether to pull the trigger on the laughs or the scares.  Pick a tone and stick with it when it comes to these shorts.

I slugged through this one hoping it would pay off but man was I disappointed. If the ending was basically that the Pete got the wrong address, then it took far too long to get there.

I thought most of the dialogue was good and liked that it was carrying the script. Definitely low budget and fits the perimeters but it needs more umph.

My grade: C but take that lightly.

Due to the premise, I'm guessing this is a pisser. I mean, you open with a "pee stained bed" and later "I know jujutsu, bitch" and then a nazi with a pink smart phone. This has got to be comedy at the very least, but apologies if this isn't a pisser. Either way, it could be much funnier.

Good job completing the OWC.

Congrats on finishing the OWC!

This is my first go round with the contest so all this talk about p@#$ takes is new.
I'll assume that this would be an intentionally bad script written to agitate or amuse the reviewer?  If that is the case, congrats to you!
If not...sheez...

The dialogue bounces back and forth and off all four walls like a raquetball match.

The premise is totally nuts.  What code?  I forgot already.

So many digits in the dialogue it looked like a phone book instead of a script.

Thanks for playing.

err congrats on completing a OWC? i'm hesitant because i'm not sure if this is a serious entry or you're just yanking our chains. then again, i like it when people yank on my chain.

this started off strong for me. it really did. i liked your descriptions. but then it started to unravel. i guess you were going for a comedic vibe, but i didn't find it all that funny.

the whole thing was just...silly. too silly for me unfortunately.

please excuse my brief review as i'm trying to read as many of these as possible in a short amount of time.

I have a feeling about this script, and the author...time will tell.

To me this strikes as a decent writer, short of time who rang out if ideas for an interesting...err... idea. Starts off a touch of ghost busters, which is good. Just then gets bogged down.

Simple, efficient, easy to film and has the supernatural. Storm a bit of an after thought, as it is in most scripts

As it has a humorous basis i feel the end needs to round this off, rather than a 70's psychological  thriller, with the "is there anybody out there finish."

all the best

I liked the premise.

The hurricane feels wedged in though.

I think you should find a way to make it more visual. Dont know how to do it in this case though.
Pete is a paranormal investigator and he doesn't act on it much, maybe make him more active somehow. Also he believed the Captain way too fast. micro budgedet too.

Why Himmler? To go back and forth in time and win the war? You have to let us know, I think

At first I was doing cartwheels. It's setup is not unlike a found-footage/ Paranormal Activity sort of thing, and it's one of the few FF sps in the OWC that uses the guidelines of the challenge very effectively. That said...

I has some doubt when i read 'the pee-stained bed'.

Quoted Text I�m gonna terminate your ass back to 1984.

Interesting choice of words. The Terminator was released in '84.
I'm not suggesting it's a bad line. Just interesting.

Bad lines include

Quoted Text I know jujutsu, bitch.

Quoted Text Oh, Petey. Being out on the ocean that long does things to ya. I�m just happy to be back, in some form anyway.

All in all, I don't know what this was supposed to be. The dialog meanders and crawls. What should have been a easy read became a chore.

I wouldn't say this was a pisser, but it was disappointing.

At first I was doing carwheels. It's setup is not unlike a found-footage/ Paranormal Activity sort of thing, and it's one of the few FF sps in the OWC that uses the guidelines of the challenge very effectively. That said...

I has some doubt when i read 'the pee-stained bed'.

Quoted Text I’m gonna terminate your ass back to 1984.

Interesting choice of words. The Terminator was released in '84.
I'm not suggesting it's a bad line. Just interesting.

Bad lines include

Quoted Text I know jujutsu, bitch.

Quoted Text Oh, Petey. Being out on the ocean that long does things to ya. I’m just happy to be back, in some form anyway.

All in all, I don't know what this was supposed to be. The dialog meanders and crawls. What should have been a easy read became a chore.

I wouldn't say this was a pisser, but it was disappointing.

Written well and format was right on but hit and miss on the comedy. I believe you hit on all the challenges so kudos to you. Congrats on writing the OWC.