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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Antisocial Emissions Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Antisocial Emissions by Dustin Bowcott - Short, Comedy - A Human Emissions officer discovers that curses are real. - pdf, format


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Ajai
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Hi Dustin

Just started hanging out in the forums. I liked the beginning, the Human Emissions is original! I initially thought they were in state inspection office or something and then it hit me - that stench!

But I did not get the part why Gerard started feeling sick, and started wondering if it was because of being near that dog...

Ajai
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Dustin
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ajai
Hi Dustin

Just started hanging out in the forums. I liked the beginning, the Human Emissions is original! I initially thought they were in state inspection office or something and then it hit me - that stench!

But I did not get the part why Gerard started feeling sick, and started wondering if it was because of being near that dog...

Ajai


Hi Ajai, in the beginning the Bum curses Gerard, he then tells him about a poor little doggy that is now doomed because he will be locked in prison for two months. Being an animal lover (as is clear once we get to Gerard's home) this makes him begin to stress out about the little doggy that could possibly die. He goes on the phone to ask about the Bum, can't eat his dinner, and stays awake all night worrying.

It was the curse that caused it. Or, if you want the scientific term for it... a mixture of stress and a large dose of guilt.

Thanks for the read and your thoughts. Much appreciated.


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TonyDionisio
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 9:00pm Report to Moderator
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Man, I wouldn't make it 2 hours after a night of drinking in this world. I happen to like fart stories and adolescent humor, so good job with this one. Must be major profits for Pepto Bismol makers.

Good "reap what you sow" story.

Tony
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GreenGecko
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 10:42pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it. The way it escalated was perfect.

I was also a little confused because this is the type of world where a farting curse could exist. At the same time, the anxiety from the dog could also cause stress-farts. And those two lines (the curse and the dog) are so close together and out of the blue, that it left me confused when he starts having problems. But I don't think it matters too much because the result is what matters.

Nice title too.


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Dustin
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 2:36am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from TonyDionisio
Man, I wouldn't make it 2 hours after a night of drinking in this world. I happen to like fart stories and adolescent humor, so good job with this one. Must be major profits for Pepto Bismol makers.

Good "reap what you sow" story.

Tony


Hi mate, thanks for checking this out. I'm writing a children's novel at the moment and during that I got the inspiration for this. I was going to ignore the urge, but thought what the hell, just write it.

There is a deeper message, bit of an obvious one regarding all the silly laws that we have to face on a daily basis. I imagine human emissions could well be one for the future.

Thanks again mate, glad you got some enjoyment out of it.


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Dustin
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 2:39am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from GreenGecko
I liked it. The way it escalated was perfect.

I was also a little confused because this is the type of world where a farting curse could exist. At the same time, the anxiety from the dog could also cause stress-farts. And those two lines (the curse and the dog) are so close together and out of the blue, that it left me confused when he starts having problems. But I don't think it matters too much because the result is what matters.

Nice title too.


It was actually the anxiety from the dog that caused it. Which is kind of how curses work. I believe they're psychological maladies caused by things like stress and guilt. I'll look into seeing if there's a way to make it more clear.

Thanks for checking this out and I'm glad you got something from it. Cheers.


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Max
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 7:35am Report to Moderator
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Fart jokes eh? Oh dear Dustin, oh dear.  It was fun for what it was, but not really my type of comedy.

I personally love the way you write though, it has an injection of personality about it.  When you write stuff like "Unfortunately the noise isnít the worst of it", I like it because it adds a certain something, it makes the script less mechanical if you know what I mean.

The concept is utterly ridiculous, being fined for farting, serving jail-time because your farts killed an old lady = LOL

Yeah, not much else to say. I can tell that you're super comfortable with your writing style, almost as if you just let loose and have fun with it.

Solid entry.



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Simon
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 8:03am Report to Moderator
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I guess a lot of children would find this funny, but it wasn't for me. It's not that it wasn't well written, I just thought it was too silly... and that's coming from me, lol.


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Dustin
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 8:11am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max
Fart jokes eh? Oh dear Dustin, oh dear.  It was fun for what it was, but not really my type of comedy.

I personally love the way you write though, it has an injection of personality about it.  When you write stuff like "Unfortunately the noise isnít the worst of it", I like it because it adds a certain something, it makes the script less mechanical if you know what I mean.

The concept is utterly ridiculous, being fined for farting, serving jail-time because your farts killed an old lady = LOL

Yeah, not much else to say. I can tell that you're super comfortable with your writing style, almost as if you just let loose and have fun with it.

Solid entry.



Yeah, fairly juvenile material... but it made me laugh. Even if I read it now I'd still laugh, which is quite sad, I know. Like I said though, I'm writing a children's novel and this idea occurred to me during that. Plus I wanted to see if I could pull it off, the story that is.

Thanks for the comments on the writing. Writing prose really helps in that area. There's so much freedom involved that little bits leak over into my screenwriting now and again, for the better though I believe. Glad to see you do too.

Cheers mate.


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Dustin
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 8:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon
It's not that it wasn't well written...


I'll take that.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.


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IamGlenn
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 9:32am Report to Moderator
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Wow. Farts!

You know what? And this could be saying quite a bit about me, that was funny! Yes, it was juvenile and just plain silly but it got a few chuckles from me. And that's what you were going for, right? Well written too.

Good luck,

Glenn.


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Dustin
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 10:42am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from IamGlenn
Wow. Farts!

You know what? And this could be saying quite a bit about me, that was funny! Yes, it was juvenile and just plain silly but it got a few chuckles from me. And that's what you were going for, right? Well written too.

Good luck,

Glenn.


Yeah, just a few chuckles. I'm more than happy with that. Thanks for checking it out, mate. Good to see you back around the boards too.


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IamGlenn
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 10:49am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


Yeah, just a few chuckles. I'm more than happy with that. Thanks for checking it out, mate. Good to see you back around the boards too.


No problem and thanks man. Got a bit caught up with finishing up in college and writing the episodes for a Web series along with some other shit. But I'm back and want to kick on. Anything else you've written that you want me to check out, I'd be more than happy to take a look.


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JimW
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Hey Dustin, I thoroughly enjoyed this one,  Especially, what Gerard resorts to when his emissions detector is out of commission.  Flatulence humour is timeless, whether child or adult.  I've read some of your other scripts, which I've also enjoyed, but found this one to be deliciously twisted!

Take care,
Jim Waterous
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