All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
A young boy must face the reality of his situation, he's dead. Now he has one task before he moves on, bring an Angel a flower. If he fails, he falls into the void and becomes part of the bone pile.
This starts out with grammar problems and/or typos. Spacing all off. No fade in.
The beginning drags very slow for me but I'm glad I read it all the way through because the end or near the end was my favorite part of this script. It is very unclear until the flashback.
I was happy when he told the Angle to shut up was sick of hearing walk or fall
Like the fairy tale this is based on, but your story is kinda all over the place for me. I'm gonna go with this mindset while reading these, and that it should be a cohesive story. That's not to say yours had no action or horror elements. It did, and I think it's written well and paced nicely towards the end. I just didn't know what the heck was going on and why.
He bypasses the Angel. The Angel shrinks in the distance.
Both sort of mean the same thing....he passes the Angel.
Like others I'm a bit lost as to what exactly is going on in this story, I think a bit more insight into what happened between Mario, Ravi, and the little 30 year old girl , but I stuck it out to the end though, which I enjoyed. So what is Mario doing now? Does he have to collect one or more flowers in order to follow the Angel into heaven?
Also, why did the Angel keep saying walk or fall to Mario? Seemed like there was only one outcome the Angel was going to allow, so why not just tell him to get the damn thing? Maybe I missed something.
Your title is not remotely centered and this ain't a good start.
Wo...WTF? No clue what's going on and the writing ain't good at all, sorry to say. Lots of little errors that are making this really tough to understadn and continue on. Incorrect verb tenses...really?
I really hate to do this, but I'm out on Page 3, as I'm completely clueless what's going on and why.
Seems like you tried to take the fairy tale and literally turn it into a script, which doesn't work here at all. Your descriptive writing and scene setting needs alot of work.
vaguely familiar with this story. let's see how it goes...
So far, the writing is... not so good. i appreciate the fact these lines are short though.
not really setting a good scene so far. i'm already a little confused on page 3.
the word "fucking" hit like a brick. can't imagine that needs to be here.
This one isn't working for me. I'm getting frustrated just reading it. I didn't want to bail on any, but I'm breaking my rule. Sorry.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
I read this twice, and still wasn't sure what had happened. Like everyone has said, there are some spelling errors throughout.
I was getting tired of the "walk or fall" line. It was very repetitive.
The story itself could be alright, but I think you really need to flush it out and really work on making it clearer. I'm fine with trying to figure something out on my own, I don't necessarily have to have all the answers handed to me. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was happening, or even why it was happening. I'm sure that it probably makes sense to you, but if it doesn't make sense to anyone else you're not going to get far with it.
Awesome logline, but a boring, interchangeable title choice, plus untidy cover page.
Visually strong opening. I read such hell descriptions quite often and yours do work properly, fine.
There's a passage between 3 and 4 where you miss to keep the tension by staying in redundant dialogues and repeat the situation too often. It's a pity. Though you repaired that soon after.
P5 wait, did he shot himself in the head? The pronoun indicates that. It's unclear. I stopped over and over there.
All right. This is very ambitious because it's a complicated story, with a complicated structure.
You partly almost lost me, although I think I understood your story of an open gateway to the underworld and back.
The story is just cool, dialogue was also an ambitious choice, to go modern within such a fundamentally transcendental atmosphere.
Don't get me wrong: The story is not clean and the plot rumbles and stumbles forward in my sight. No problems with that because
in one week I shouldn't and won't hold that against you at all. Especially the visually construction is such a hard confrontation you tackle yourself and then send us in. Keep that. Keep ambition above security. Good script, good Job.
"The Angel leans down. His face was shaped like the blade of an axe and his eyes rounded the corners - all seven of them." from "The Angel" OWC
The wording of this screenplay is bewildering, suggesting an unfinished edit or a translation...
This work has charm. It makes good use of the source material, shadows it, somewhat. Sets a scene between life and death so skillfully that one goes along for the journey.
I look forward to reading a revision of this "Angel" and expect it to be wonderful.
It was pretty hard to follow what was going on here, and for me the characters were lost in what was an exceptionally confusing script. There were some serious formatting issues and typos, plus the pacing wasn't great.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Great attempt, but it fell flat for me. I liked the description of the angel, but unfortunately none of the other characters got a description.
Liked the ending where Mario became death, I'm not familiar with the source material, but that's what I got from it.
Had a lot of grammatical errors throughout was hard to read, I'm not sure if this was your first script or ESL. But stick it out, if screenwriting is something you really enjoy, you can only get better with time, and patience.
Good luck and I hope to read a revised version, you got a lot of pointers from the other posters now make it happen 👍🏾
The writing suggests someone fairly new to this game so I’ll bypass all the usual comments and just suggest you read a lot of scripts and a good screenwriting guide.
The story is very visual and hints at a moody, strange yet atmospheric trip through purgatory. Unfortunately, it just comes across as weird and is difficult to follow. I very quickly lost track of what was going on. So it is a pass from me but well done on entering the owc and I hope you get a lot out of it.
-Mark
For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK