Beauty Behold by Steven Burton - Short, Drama, Fantasy - Gloria changes her focus from outer to inner beauty after a natural disaster accident. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This is good.

There is a little problem with the dialogue here:

WOMAN
Wow, that is something to think about. The values of outer and inner beauty. What does that all mean?

MAN
Well it caused her to think about not only in this art, but she has also written about it in a book.

WOMAN
Very impressive. You just never know what surprises life will bring. Now, I’m really curious to see and meet her. Where is she?

MAN
On the other side of the room in a group.

It's a little bit teachy-preachy disguised in dialogue. How can you express this in another way?

Thanks, for this helpful feedback to be taken taken seriously.

I like your creative approach to title pages. I have a suggestion. If you are going the route of an unconventional title page, get a little more creative. There are a couple of authors who go all-out with their title pages. I don't suggest you mimic them per se, but you can do much better with a little bit of work.

For the screenplay title, I would go with a font that is different than Courier 12 point. That way, it will go with the picture and the story, and not with your name. With the size of the picture you used, I would go with something bigger with a style that complemented the picture. Have some fun with it.

For your name and contact info, I would stick with the standard Courier 12 pt. It should look strictly business.

I took a minute and played around with the page you made for this script. Here is a link to what I made:

http://www.beastinn.com/scripts/BeautyBeholdTitle.jpg

If for whatever reason you want me to eliminate it from this site, I will do that immediately.
On the other hand, if you like it and want to go with it, you can copy the picture or if you want to do it yourself, the font I used Edwardian Script 30 point.

Nice work on the title page font, Michael.

I wouldn't hold your breath with Steve making an appearance however, as he hasn't been active since 2019, but you never know...

This is a weird story to say the least. Very loose and a lot of telling without showing. As for the title page, I’m sorry but it is just a photo image of a woman perpetuating beauty. I’m really not a fan of this at all. Sorry Michael but that title page does not do the script any favours imo.