SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is June 17th, 2024, 5:27pm
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Writers' Choice and who wrote what - May OWC

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2019 Writers' Tournament  ›  Terror From The Sky - WT3 Moderators: Mr. Blonde
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Terror From The Sky - WT3  (currently 1207 views)
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 9:48pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Terror From The Sky by Anonymous22 - While getting trashed in the woods, three dumb teenagers unwittingly get caught up in a military experiment that's gone terribly wrong. - Short, Horror

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Posted: June 17th, 2019, 11:38pm Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
Posts Per Day
Reads a little bit inspired by the monsters in Jeepers Creepers

Not bad either. A few typos here and there. A few moments of comedy that worked for me too, notably:

Yeah, yeah. Fatty fell down. Very
funny. Laugh it up.

Made me chuckle.

I do wish you'd had the guys squirt the sanitizer at the monster in your denouement, given it ends up being its Achilles Heel.

Private Message Reply: 1 - 15
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 2:15am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Posts Per Day
Fun little story.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 15
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 10:19am Report to Moderator
Guest User

Hello writer ,

You are right. Kids will almost try anything to catch a buzz.  Kids that do that type of stuff . Almost makes me want to get a bottle and chug it lol.

You did well fleshing out the characters . There is always at least one with common sense in a group.  He was content just smoking his herb.

When you said the plane sputters... Although you didnít specify the type of plane other than cargo. Most if not all are turbine powered . Sputter makes me think of a car engine.  I got what you mean.  Because only having five pages  makes since not to waste time explaining the sounds of a sick plane engine .  I  new to giving feedback so if thatís way out in left field irrelevant  my apologies.

Your creature was graphically written well.  Made me think it was a descendent of the Jeepers Creepers monster.

Thatís life.... the two dumbasses survive while the sensible one gets mangled .

The puking in the monsters mouth was funny.  Stabbing it with a burning object and the vomit catching on fire was a little eccentric .  Visual but eccentric.  Even tho the monster is real in the movie you donít want to get to risky on the action.  You risk people calling bullsh** and losing their interest . I donít mean specifically this script but anything you write.

If itís going to be wild. Make sure we know why itís able  to be eccentric . Like the monsterís skin is an 80 percent hydro carbon molecular make up. Not exactly the best idea but I hope you know what I mean. 5 pages you are forced to omit a lot .  

Overall decent read . Good work.

e-mail Reply: 3 - 15
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 1:42pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Posts Per Day
Their humorous reaction at the end feels out of place... seeing as they're still standing right next to their friend's severed head. Now, if they had all survived to that point...

I liked the use of the hand sanitizer. Clever in its way.

Funny that I read this one, complete with comedy elements, right after I spent time defending comedy/horror on the discussion thread.

I won't ding you on the parameters... though, I will point out that the airplane is supposed to be a location. This one took place around an airplane, not in one. Again, close enough for me, but some might not be as forgiving.

A decent little story. Nothing too ground-breaking, but still, I enjoyed it.

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 15
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Posts Per Day
Thought the first few pages were a iittle too jokey, but they did a job in establishing the characters.

Didnít expect to say this, but the plane felt shoe horned in... but thatís fine as you did well with the sanitiser.

Felt like a hybrid between Jeepers Creepers and Super 8... not a bad thing.

After the creature attacks I think the return to humour on the last page felt odd give their friends decapitated body and part eaten head is right next to them.

Decent effort though.

Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays -
Available Feature screenplays -
Screenwriting articles -
IMDB Link -
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 15
Gary in Houston
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 7:54pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Posts Per Day
Not sure this really meets the parameters, and I'm sure a lot of reviewers are going to ding you because it didn't take place at any time in a plane.  There's a plane in the story, I guess, and it's central to the action, at least at the end, so I'm going to give it a pass.

I'm less inclined to give the story a pass as it seems to jump off the rails on the story.  So what I'm gathering is that some beast, probably two based on the ending, burst out of the crashed airplane. One of the beasts grabs a kid and cuts off his head, and tries to eat another kid, who throws up hand sanitizer down the beast's throat. The kid then picks up a FLAMING piece of metal -- how does this piece of red hot metal now burn his hand?? -- and jams it down the beasts throat to set his hand sanitizer vomit on fire.  I think it was all just a bit much for me, but hopefully others feel differently.

Best of luck,

Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 15
Posted: June 18th, 2019, 8:29pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Sydney, Australia
Posts Per Day
Hi writer,

Quoted Text
NICK, 16, short and stocky, and JARED, 16, tall and lanky,

These are probably two of the most generic character descriptions you see in scripts. I'd try and give them a little more flair, make them your own.

Quoted Text
Itís hand sanitizer. And itís the
good shit, Dude. Eighty-percent
alcohol. Shitís actually flammable!

Really making sure we get the point with the italics and this statement.

Quoted Text
I told you we should have stayed at
your place and played Halo.
Jared smirks, releases a CHUCKLE.

Some tone issues here.

Big issue for me is  that the plane isnít a location, itís in a location. For me this doesnít meet the criteria.

There isnít enough meat to this story to make it enjoyable. Stuff just happens and then it ends.

The writing isnít too bad, nothing really jumped out at me.

All the best.

Private Message Reply: 7 - 15
Posted: June 19th, 2019, 4:35am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Cool little story. This is the second script I read where character vomits and survives. Lol... That was funny. Loved the creature description. Loved the ending line that there are more creatures. Overall very well done.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 15
Matthew Taylor
Posted: June 20th, 2019, 7:16am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Shakespeare's county
Posts Per Day
Hello writer

Just read the whole thing through. Writing was good, characters good, dialogue good.

The beast, will probably be scary on screen - I would have liked it if i knew a bit more about him, why were the military transporting him? where to? - but you only have 5 pages so these things have to suffer.

Are they really chuckling at the end? next to their friends severed head? odd children

Not too bad at all



Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Private Message Reply: 9 - 15
Posted: June 20th, 2019, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Cut to three weeks earlier

London, UK
Posts Per Day
I like it.  It meets the criteria I think.  It sure does have horror.  But humour too.  I'm sure I'd laugh seeing puke that chokes and end that monster.

It was an easy read.  I like how the HS was used.  The ending good.

Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 10 - 15
Posted: June 20th, 2019, 7:05pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Winged creatures escaping from downed military planes makes for a good action story. For a couple of slackers, Jared and Riley do good to kill one of the creatures, even if it did involve vomiting into its mouth. I like these guys, so too bad they donít get some kind of warning that theyíre about to become worm-food. Maybe the creature above them inadvertently drops a guano bomb on them?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 15
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

No sh*t, there I was....

Tucson, AZ
Posts Per Day
Having not read the reviews yet, I'm sure peeps are making a big deal of the flammability. If we didn't make movies that stretched reality, we wouldn't have many movies now, would we? I'll buy in just because of that.

Did peeps complain that it didn't take place on a plane? Oh, man, you should have had them walk into the fuselage! That would've been your argument! Regardless, I'll say it counts.

I've a pretty good idea who wrote this. Three weeks in and style starts to show.

I like this. Good set up, decent character building and dialog. It started to go down the path of Super 8 but that's okay. Nice job!
Private Message Reply: 12 - 15
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 6:40pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Posts Per Day
I don't know. This seems very silly to me, but the writer clearly knows what he/she/they are doing. This is not they're first rodeo by any means.  Another story where the sanitizer tended to really get in the way and led to absurd results.

Ok, going to take a moment and re-read because CLEARLY the writer is very competent.

I'm back.

The concept of a crashed plane with monsters IS good. That could even be worth pursuing if the writer chooses. I think low budget producers would be looking for that kind of thing. I might even know one.

But, the hand sanitizer is absurd to me. I don't buy the idea of drinking it. And once again we see puking of it used as a weapon, and then the flammable nature. I mean even if you drank a bottle of grain alcohol, if you puked some of it, mixed with bile, onto a much flammable power would it have? Enough to maybe make a child go ouch? But here that puke destroys a powerful monster!! Eesh.

solid scores on prose. Outside of this challenge, the crash is a good concept, and the writer seems to have the skill to make a run at it. Good luck.
Private Message Reply: 13 - 15
Posted: June 21st, 2019, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day
Terror From the Sky

up to the top of p4--- p4, p4, p4, p4,p4, p4, damn page four, it's just another one with a pure adventure out there vibe - very, very cool-

dialogue says its flammable on p1 and burns on p4, soooooo check, sanitizer is tnt -- got it, meets the criteriaÖ

"Nick SCREAMS as the Winged Creature wraps itís jaws around
his head and bites down.

Please, God! Fuckiní... Help me!"

I tell you, I laughed out loud. Oh am gee. Thumbs up.

Second half p4 Okay, the horror (comedy) elements are hammered inside nowÖ at least bring some visuals to the table from now.

Yeah, it had its momentum in third act.

Forget the set-up stuffÖ a short exchange of the idiotic boys is more than enough to throw them 'unprepared' in front of the demon,,, which was super funny. You were actually closer to the genre than most. I liked it. Some nice entertainment here.

Private Message Reply: 14 - 15
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    The 2019 Writers' Tournament   [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006