All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Hmmm. Nicely written. It was sort of like a story that never happened, though. The central premise is about a guy being scared to help if it was just him, but the central character is a germophobe...it feels like there's two different things there. The arc from germophobe to confirmed germophobe didn't fully work because of that, for me. There's no horror, either. It's mostly drama with a hint of thriller.
John Avery - the feature I'm working on has a character with the same name - This doesn't have anything to do with anything, just thought I'd tell you.
"Wrack his entire body"? Don't know what that means - google doesn't help me either.
"feared missing after a Mayday call and all communications were lost" - surely he IS missing, not feared missing? read awkward to me anyway
Maynard sure is an interesting character, and I really liked the V.O monologue reminiscing about his brother. The story just didn't satisfy me that much, maybe it was the ending, can't quite put my finger on it - it was intriguing though, I will give you that.
Solid writing on display and an attempt at something different, and a good attempt at that. Well done writer
The timing of everything seems off to me. The plane is reported missing, but how long ago was that mayday call? And the plane's still flying? Or is that another plane?
Then Maynard has time to perform his ritual scrubbing, don a hazmat suit, and run out in time to get there just after the plane crashes?
Okay, that aside, Maynard (I love their wine gums) does all this seemingly because his (presumably dead) brother was trying to get him out of his germophobe shell. Even if it means drugging him and dragging him forcibly out into the fields he's terrified of. Yikes.
So he's the best prepared to deal with this epidemic, the best one to rescue any survivors. His weakness has become his strength in the given situation. And he rescues the baby, and he proves to his (dead?) brother and himself that he can do it when called upon.
But, the baby's sick too so he puts it back. You didn't say the baby was dead. He left it to die there. The germophobia wins over human decency.
It's all just tragic. Not horror, just horrible.
The writing is quite good. It could be interesting with another attempt at it.
Isn't the 'pilot' originally introduced as 'John'?
All right. Nice end of days scenario with a little SF vibe. The single themes felt fragmentary within the whole plot and impression of the script. The VO tried to keep it all together and that worked to a degree I'd say. You somehow got through with a decent performance.
I agree with most everyone . While it isn’t really a horror genre , It’s a scary situation for the character. I think you did really well showing and telling us his phobia. You weaved dialogue with action just the right amount to help us see he’s a germaphobe and to a great extent.
I agree with him putting the baby back. Self preservation at its finest .
You know how to tell a story . Adding Henry’s voice was a good move in my opinion. It put me in Maynard’s mind because Maynard is talking VO the whole script. It reinforced what Maynard was telling us.
It's definitely an horrific ending. Versus actual horror? I'm on the fence.
I think you may need to ramp up the gore in terms of whatever epidemic is on the loose and clearly blood from a few orifices is not horror-enough.. On screen I think the visual of the guy in gas mask and baby would work a treat. Perhaps make him bigger, more imposing.
I loved the ending. It made it for me. The ghastly realism of a phobic person actually choosing his own life over another's cause he's petrified of becoming infected is horrible, but horrible good.
Writing was solid, save a few minor tweaks.
P.S. Reading the feedback, Stevie's suggestion is a great one re setting this in a post apocalyptic world.