So Little Done, So Much to do. by Midas - Comedy, Hourglass, Historian, Library.

Funny ending!

And I totally got up in the story which means you've done very well with me.
Timely entry, and I'm glad someone wrote something that goes along with time.
Maybe you could rework the beginning in the future to pull us in faster.
But the middle and ending totally rocks.

Nice job.

Haha, touché on the ending.

Very topical.
Not much comedy per se, but very clever and witty.

A little slow to start but a great ending and it was clever, and suspenseful, and it made me smile.

...they are running out for this.
Minor quibble: I would have stopped the sentence at 'out' for more emphasis. Time's running out.
And apparently it's 'a historical' not 'an'. I was writing it like that until recently too.

Why that description for Beth though? Scruffy and torn?

Could the title do more justice? Hmm...

Great entry. You did well. Just not big on the laughs.

A great ending but the only comedy moment is the last line. Apart from that, I think it meets all the other criteria nicely.

Well written and easy to follow. This reflects the current situation in the world nicely. I don't quite buy it as currently written.

How did someone in her condition gain his trust to get this tour in the first place? I know she uses flattery but it's difficult to believe she would even get an audience with such a man, never mind a grand tour looking so scruffy.

Once she's gone, he could report her and not have to worry about her coming back to burn the book if he doesn't use it to educate people better.  So a lesson for him, yes, but not one he needs to take any action on as there is no longer a threat.

A fab effort though, I am really impressed with the entries I've read so far.

-Mark

Hey writer,

So this is a really strong entry... however it is missing comedy. And I don't mean that there was comedy attempted and it fell flat, I mean that it was written as more of a drama, until the Python-esque punch line, which was very good. Or, I guess you can say it was written as more of a comedy of manners. Nice use of the hourglass. Library and historian of course fit hand-and-glove, so not the most difficult set of parameters that I've seen, but all things were woven together nicely.

I agree that it started slowly, and I'm not sure of the reason for Beth's visit, or what they are trying to accomplish with this meeting. I am a sucker though for socially relevant material and this is definitely that. Done in a unique way.

As for theme, you did connect the author to greed and then connect greed to evil.

Nice job -

AJR

Wasn't sure at first how this met the criteria of the theme (money/evil) but I guess the historical use of the slave trade and greed discussed in the diary. Not much humor throughout but a good closing line and visual at the end perhaps made up for it. Better one really good joke than a handful of duds, I guess.

I appreciate that the writer is making an important statement, but the dialectical exchange between Gerald and Beth is a little too staid to be very entertaining. Perhaps Beth should have broken out the Zippo earlier. Then she and Gerald could have trashed the library in her effort to bend Gerald to her will, while Gerald attempts to preserve the past without giving credence to her point of view.

First review though I have read some already.

Had to read this twice as I couldn't get into it. All the variables are there except the comedy as it wasn't funny at all. It was well written and formatted ok but it seemed to be about nothing. Sorry to be so blunt.

Hi Writer,

Quoted Text Gerald peers at her over his glasses, noticing her skin colour properly for the first time.

This seemed a bit strange to me, they have been conversing for awhile, would he really not have noticed?

Personally not a fan of the bolded text.

Very well written with excellent dialogue to boot. Not sure it's quite a comedy, but that's not to say I didn't enjoy it.

Probably in my top 3.

Great work.

All the best

I don't know what's funny about this, maybe I'm not getting the jokes.  Or maybe because I don't find it funny. What I did notice is a lot of looks, nods, smiles ... some odd descriptions ("noticing her skin color for the  first time" "Beth's turn to nod")

Here's something a bit strange. (highlighted)

Quoted Text Perceive it that way because I'm black or because I'm an intelligent, independent thinker studying at the best University in the world?

Earlier in the conversation, Beth was trying to flatter Gerald, noting that "he was a legend in the History department at that same University
and later Gerald says  "we're from the same college"

So all this setup leads up to Beth threatening to put a match to a rare book, the diary of Cecil Rhodes. Gerald seems embarrassed to show the book to Beth. It isn't his fault that the library carries the book. and it is a library.  Books, even controversial ones, or written by controversial figures, can be used for historical context. ,Since you mention the library is at Oxford...isn't it a bit odd that items related to Rhodes,. appear to be held in secret?  There's  the Rhodes Scholarship at Oxford, for example. so Beth's line of surprise of  Oxford's library  having something related to  Rhodes...is a bit strange.

That's why I don't find it funny. The whole joke is awkward.
"Hey I'm going to set fire to that book in this library...",

Quoted Text MS HOBSON, Head Librarian, you can just tell

No,  I can't.

I think you might have received higher points if this was in the Historical genre instead of Comedy. The only chuckle for me (and it was more of a rim shot) was the final line.

The theme of money was only referenced, I think? With the slave trade and free labor? I think the girl should have been well-dressed instead of shabby. It would be a greater turn when she lashes out.

Very well written, for sure. An easy read and it kept me reading without effort - Good job.

Extremely well written. Breezed right through. This is a very timely subject. I like Beth. Very clever plan she had to trick Gerald into showing her the book. Nice use of the hourglass.

It was a light hearted story about a very heavy subject. Nice job!!

Hi, well written, good characterisation, nice interplay and dialogue and relevant to the times we live in now. Not a lot of comedy for me but a nice funny ending.
Well done.

Lovely work

Not much to say.

Topical, clean, and with a message.

Well done

This was a little light on the comedy, but maybe it's meant to be a dark comedy with a poignant message.

The dialogue was well written, but if felt rushed and like it was missing something. I wish I had more to give but I just feel there was something left out.

Well done.