Bear Trap by Dan Haggerty - The former members of a rock band meet in the house where they recorded a hit album.  Short, Drama

Writer,

I watch enough music docs on Prime to appreciate this. Nice work, though I was expecting a kicker in the end. Say, maybe, something to tie it all together. But I enjoyed the absurdity of this and kinda wanted to see where you might have take this had it been longer. So, overall, nice work!

Steve

Dan Haggerty,

This was a good one. The flow of it was nice and I enjoyed the bickering between Kenton and Patch. I'm assuming that Kenton and Roy didn't want to do heavy metal, but Patch seemed to be a kind of sell-out for it that got them where they are?

Sergey was a funny addition. Made me nervous, but good thing he only ended up hurting himself.

Good job,

Sean

Writer,

First thing I thought while reading this was Lynyrd Skynyrd. A huge fan of them growing up so I was hooked.

Liked the overall feel of this, especially the banter. It got a bit crazy with the bear trap and all. Had the right amount of humor. Well written no doubt. Enjoyed it for what it was. Good job.

All the best,

Ghost

I liked this with the exception of Sergey, took me totally out of it.

Couldn't believe he could be a super fan yet not know who they were, and the stuff with the beartrap seemed OTT to the mood and tone previously established.

Good effort, well written, but the end doesn't work for me.

Hey Writer,

Good stuff. Particularly enjoyed your visual descriptions of the characters, especially Patch Von Poppell - that's a wonderful name btw

Patch and Kenton's bickering was fun and I did like the introduction of Sergey, who was also visually funny. However, I do feel the bear trap snapping on his leg and the influx of blood to proceedings, did interrupt the tone - a tad violent for what I mostly perceived as a bit of light-hearted entertainment.

Still something I enjoyed reading though, good work.

Loved it.

Nothing more to say really.

Reading this I felt a definite note of meloncholy in the aging former rock stars, along with a few LOL moments (a dead yak on your head, describing Patch's hair piece).  I thought the bear trap bit was funny and appropriate, seeing that was the title of their hit album.  I'll agree with Steve's comment above:  this was an absurd little tale that I found genuinely touching and funny.  Good job writer.  All criteria met and technically sound.  Thanks for sharing!

I love the "Old Rock Star" theme. The characters were natural and believable to the point that I think you were one and writing from personal experience.

I'm not only a big fan of many kinds of Metal, I'm a big fan of Dan Haggerty.

At first, I thought it would end with all but one of the band members being long dead and the sole remaining member is just remising. Boy was I way off.

I did like this though, I enjoyed the interaction between Kenton and Patch, and thought it was leading somewhere interesting.

Having Sergey show up out of the blue I think kills the story a bit. There may be a workaround though, like showing the exterior or maybe a fence being covered with messages from fans. Something that tells us that fans go there often. This is the only issue I have with this.

I liked Sergey's line about being able to sniff them out because he was a bear.


Good job on this one.

Hi Writer

Loved the characters and the read was nice and easy.

Not sure about the story though, not sure there is much of a story to be honest. As enjoyable as it was to read, I'm left with feelings of "Is that it?"

Best of luck

This is another one that feels like it needs a seventh page. As it sits, it's more of a scene than a story...though it's a super fun scene.

I've mixed feelings about the super fan. Most of the fun for me was the banter between the two old rockers, and I would really like to read a full story centered on their disparate views of how things were, and how things turned out.

I liked the super fan. I just liked the story I was in before he arrived more.

Good stuff. Loads of fun.

Nicely written, fun story.  Liked the back and forth between Patch and Kenton.  Did feel like you were searching for an end to the story by bringing the super fan in.  I would have preferred to see you go another way with that ending. Still, a decent wrap-up with Kenton at the end.  Overall a nice effort and I enjoyed the read.  Best of luck with it.

This was a hoot with old band members carrying their grudges and resentments all these years to throw salt on each other's wounds.

I also liked the double entendre that the bear trap not only being literal but also that the interview trapped them again in their conflict.

I thought either Patch or Kenton might throw one or the other into Sergey's open bear trap.

A fun ride!

This had me laughing out loud a few times. Clever scene writing and banter that set the pace. It also had me thinking of FUBAR for some reason: a 2002 film following the lives of two lifelong friends and head-bangers.

The actual Bear Trap was a nice addition to the final days of these over-the-hill rockers, and (showing) the way their music inadvertently bred a legion of fuq-tards such as Sergey (actually, that’s uncalled for, cause I like Sergey, lol). Anyway, fun shiny script. Best of luck.