Memories by Crazy Horse - Short, Drama - Sometimes dramas are buried deeper than we think. - pdf, format

This one's a winner.

Well not sure what to say other than I liked this one, fit the challenge I guess, I kinda felt bad for some of the animals....but oh well.  Good job

Same with Jordan here, I'm not sure whether I like it or not. It was a strange on indeed, and I do feel bad for dem animals der, but...I guess...


Sean

Yeah don't read this one around the kids. Well, don't let them read it.

I would have liked to see a bit more of a build up for this one... it was pretty good though...

Yeah, i laughed.  I think thats all you were going for.

This was certainly an interesting little number!

It did make me chuckle, but drama!?

Entertaining read, however.

Andrew

This was cute.  I'm not sure it was really a drama, it seemed more like a skit, but it was amusing.

Hate to disagree guys...and it's not about the "fucking of animals" that I have a problem with...Uncle Eddie certainly lives in a different world...OBVIOUSLY.  

The only positive thing I can say, is the twist at the end...albeit unwritten, was he got it in the end. *tee hee

Poor spelling, general mistakes throughout and it was short.  You know me...I think anything we put up should be our best effort - at least in written form.

Morgan  

Another piece of shit entry!  C'mon people...WTF?  Funny?  OK, maybe at first, but it's a 1 line joke...3 frickin' pages...3 poorly written pages at that.  No drama, whatsoever. no secret that I saw.  Just rubbish...pure rubbish.  Embarrassing, actually.

Hoping for alot more in the 2nd round.

Quoted from Dreamscale Another piece of shit entry!

I'm pretty sure, regardless of how bad the entry is, this is not appropriate.

Quoted from dresseme I'm pretty sure, regardless of how bad the entry is, this is not appropriate.

You are correct, sir.  But I'm going to let it stay.

Quoted from Dreamscale Another piece of shit entry!  C'mon people...WTF?  Funny?  OK, maybe at first, but it's a 1 line joke...3 frickin' pages...3 poorly written pages at that.  No drama, whatsoever. no secret that I saw.  Just rubbish...pure rubbish.  Embarrassing, actually. Hoping for alot more in the 2nd round.

I didn't hate it nearly as much as you did, Dreamscale, but I didn't like it, either, at least not for this competition. It's an okay short on its on, but it's the wrong genre. I'll probably get a lot of "screwing farm animals is dramatic!" retorts, but that's not what comes to my mind when I think of drama.

Where is it posted?

Quoted from JamminGirl Where is it posted?

First post.  The bolded part.  Click on it.

Thanks.

I'm not sure I got the writer's intent...
Format was good. Action bare, but I have to say, Ellen is not very smart, is she? Keeps doing the same thing expecting a different result each time.

I thought it was pretty well written and it was a pretty funny joke. If someone told me this joke I would have laughed and said "Hey, that's a pretty funny joke!"

You were supposed to be writing a drama though, so writing a joke doesn't really qualify as far as I can see. Still, better than not entering. Would have preferred you to at least try to stick with the genre.

Just a short joke. Is it even original? Idk. Just seems like not much effort was put into this one.

Gotta agree with Ste, really - the punchline made me laugh, but this wasn't really what the challenge was looking for, methinks. This is basically a joke told in screenplay format. Funny, but ultimately pointless.

Scores:

Meeting the competition criteria: well, there was a family, and picnic. But Eddie's activities don't count as secrets, and this definitely isn't 'drama' - 2/10
Characters: Not a great deal of characterisation to be honest, but Eddie was reasonably funny - 4/10
Dialogue: all set up for the punchline, which I did laugh at - 5/10
Story: well...there wasn't one. Not really - 3/10
Writing/format: couldn't see much wrong here - 8/10

TOTAL: 22/50

See, I didn't even realize it was supposed to be one of those "three men went in a bar" kind of thing. Didn't get the joke.

Hey I just realize is it a coincidence but every characters has familly 's first name from the Grisworld.

Clarck, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey having a picnic ; Even Uncle Eddie's here.

Poor Uncle,  I deeply understand his hidden secret and what drama could he Had...

LOL

No drama, no secret, no story really. I assume this isn't supposed to be taken as a serious entry.

It got half a chuckle out of me but that's about it.

This joke sounded very familiar.  I could swear I heard it or read it before somewhere, but can't remember where.

It read like you just switched a couple things in the joke to make it barely fit into the parameters of the challenge.

Not a bad joke, though.

This was okay for what it was really, funny and well written enough. I think JonnyBoy summed it up perfectly however, It was pointless.

I can't fathom why this was entered....

Kinda funny, a small chuckle.

But seriously.


Seriously.


Seriously.

Blatant plagarism.  Be careful, you do not want to get labeled as a hack.

Ok, I rolled my eyes a couple of times during this. It ran quickly through its paces, and to be honest, only barely followed the theme, since I can't see this being a "secret" insomuch as no one ever asked Eddie about this before. And sorry, this wasn't a drama at all. Nothing dramatic happened.

The first two "incidents" were kinda stupid. And then came the punchline. This is where I give you credit. You can tell a good joke at the very least.

And yeah, I caught the Griswold reference too.

This is not a drama and can see no secret revealed.  This was more like a skit.  Probably best for the short section.

That being said, I liked it.

All the best.

Quoted from Michel Hey I just realize is it a coincidence but every characters has familly 's first name from the Grisworld.

Clarck, Ellen, Rusty and Audrey

Damn it!  I usually notice things like that and it went right over my head this time.  I'm disappointed in myself.

I did get a chuckle out of it, so I guess that's good.  Followed the picnic them well enough, maybe even the secret, but definately not a drama.

Ahh memories...Reminds me of the time the cowboy rode into town from a hard ride on the trail.

He walked into the local tavern, and pulling up to the bar, asked the madam if he could have some company for the night...

She smiled, and said "Naw, all my girls are gone...We do have them, though..." She points into the back corral, in which there are a dozen female sheep...

The cowboy hesitated..."Well, I reckon things sure is different here, but...alright...I'll take that purty little ewe over by the water trough".

The madam is aghast! The other patrons look at the cowboy with scorn and shame!

"But I thought ya'll were OK with this here!" the cowboy sputtered.

"We are" said the Madam, "But that's the Sheriff's gal!"

This one stretched the meaning of a light-hearted drama blurring clearly into the comedy class. But I did see a "secret" in that Uncle Eddie is not as well known by his family as they thought. Comedy A+. Drama F.

The only good thing I can say is that this is only three pages. I did get a small laugh out of it but was expecting more because of all the attention this has been getting.

Much more suited to the shorts section than the OWC.

I plead guilty for that one.  For any further explanations about it, please read my reply on my other short thread "Riverside Afternoon".

Quoted from rc1107 (...) but definately not a drama.

It all depends on which side you're on. It was definately a drama for Uncle Eddie. Isn't it? LOL

Michel  8)