It's not just Sniper's opinion, either.  Everything I've ever read says to avoid using camera directions in spec scripts.

Quoted from sniper Are we talking about spec or shooting scripts now? Obviously, in a shooting script you would find all those ANGLE ONs, POVs and what not but in a spec script the writer shouldn't be directing the DP imo, he should be directing the reader.

I see what you are getting at. It is a writers preference I guess. For me, ANGLE ON, isn't just about telling the DP what to do, it's about guiding the reader through your vision.

Some people, think readers are like these underpaid amatures who lack the patience or the knowledge of a finely tuned script. That is the contrary to reality. Readers are paid to read what ever you throw at them. Such things like ANGLE on or POV, are not a destraction for them unless it is executed improperly.

Either way, to ANGLE ON or to write flowing action is a writers choice. Remember even a spec is a blue print for a movie.

What's up tonka,

Very good, funny short. I enjoyed the first shot, Olwen standing out in front of the wrong house. I imagined Tony running out a bit cartoony, I would've kept him in his house. The whole exchange between Roy and Olwen was great, I would possibly cut the test down by one number. The punchline made me laugh out loud, even though I saw it coming. I imagined Olwen saying "You're an idiot" and the next shot of Roy, in his ridiculous outfit saying "Yes, I am." I think adding more to the end would be nice, but not necessary.

Oh that bloody Eric!

I got home from work, checked SS and was excited that my new short had 17 replies and over 200 hits in just 2 days. But as I read the replies I was dissapointed to learn the replies where mostly just Eric stiring up trouble as always.

Eric I find the whole ANGLE ON thing very interesting. Checked my script format Bible and does not mention it at all and I've never heard of it. So ANGLE ON must be Director's direction and taught in film school to film directors?

Change perspective is POV or INSERT is another thing you can use. So says my script format Bible.

You've raised an interesting and valid point but i don't full understand.

Okay in my script you got actor on the lawn, camera set up in front of her, then you need camera to take shot of window on the house. See person inside house look out window. What If you have to physically pick up the camera and move it across the lawn and set it up in front of window, isn't that a whole new location, even thou you have probably moved the camera only 5 metres across the lawn.

Beside who said the shot of window was from the actors view point? The script says she is just looking at the house not specifically the window.

Aahhg! This is so confusing. I thought that was the whole point of the spec script to give a filmaker the bare bones so they can come along and work his/her desired camera angles into the script.  How is a director suppose to write in camera angles into my script if I have already cluttered the script with angles?  
    

Quoted from tonkatough Aahhg! This is so confusing. I thought that was the whole point of the spec script to give a filmaker the bare bones so they can come along and work his/her desired camera angles into the script.

Well, that's my impression of how it works, too.  Sure, we can write something in such a way as to suggest certain shots, but the decision is going to be entirely up to the director.  Which is way using explicit camera direction is supposed to be a no-no.  Same with overuse of wrylies.

As for your script, I agree with the others that the ending needs a bit of work.  I like the concept, and I think the joke is good.  The timing just needs to be worked out better.  Or add a little something else, as Tommy suggested.

Also, Tony's reaction to Olwen seemed a bit out of place to me.  First, that he would run at her and second that he would say something so aggressive.  She is a high school girl after all, and I'd imagine that she clearly looks lost.

Finally, I was curious about the location.  "Dead presidents" suggests to me that they're in America, but "arsehole" is not American English.

Eric11, I sincerely love reading your comments. Truly.

Anyway, by the end, I did ask myself, "What was the point?"

There's a concept but no punchline at the end of the short. No closure to reward the audience with. It's one of those endings that an audience has no reaction to whatsoever and they shrug the film off as if they never watched it at all.

I saw the potential for the lead character Olwen to be endearing but it never got there.

I'd say do some drafts and find the ending. Round out the characters a bit and you'll have a nice little short.

Best,

G

Hey Glenn. A nice little short. Pretty solid writing and a pretty funny piece.

Quoted from Number Numb ROY Yes I am.

Absolute best line of the script. I laughed.

It all made sense and was contained nicely, not much else to say.

James

Quoted from tonkatough Oh that bloody Eric! I got home from work, checked SS and was excited that my new short had 17 replies and over 200 hits in just 2 days. But as I read the replies I was dissapointed to learn the replies where mostly just Eric stiring up trouble as always. Eric I find the whole ANGLE ON thing very interesting. Checked my script format Bible and does not mention it at all and I've never heard of it. So ANGLE ON must be Director's direction and taught in film school to film directors? Change perspective is POV or INSERT is another thing you can use. So says my script format Bible. You've raised an interesting and valid point but i don't full understand. Okay in my script you got actor on the lawn, camera set up in front of her, then you need camera to take shot of window on the house. See person inside house look out window. What If you have to physically pick up the camera and move it across the lawn and set it up in front of window, isn't that a whole new location, even thou you have probably moved the camera only 5 metres across the lawn. Beside who said the shot of window was from the actors view point? The script says she is just looking at the house not specifically the window. Aahhg! This is so confusing. I thought that was the whole point of the spec script to give a filmaker the bare bones so they can come along and work his/her desired camera angles into the script.  How is a director suppose to write in camera angles into my script if I have already cluttered the script with angles?

Hey tonkatough, I can be a bit of a pain in the ars but I don't attend to sound like a jerk, because I am a nice person in real life. Anyways in regards to your question.

ANGLE ON is an industry term for point the audience in this direction, but it isn't taught so much in screenwriting because only the Pros use it as fancy laungage to describe a change of angle. If you read Lord of the Rings, and some of the newer screenplays, you will see ANGLE ON used extensively by the writer.

To ANGLE ON or not ANGLE ON is a writers choice. Some writers choose to write action without inserting a camera direction. That's okay too, but as a director, I personally like it when a writer inserts Angle directions.

POV is different, it means we are looking through the eyes of the subject isntead of looking at the subject.

I know I said before that ANGLE ON means to pivot the camera but I was being a little inconsistent with the actual meaning. It doesn't really matter where the camera is on the lawn, provided that the audience can see the subject in the next shot.

In your scene, the set is outside thus we don't need to worry about relighting the subject unless we are using a sun deflector or white board. Another words you don't need a new master slug line to suggest a new shot/angle.

Okay last point, a spec is a propsed screenplay for the Studios. Some writers call all screenplays specs. That's false, films that are self produced or produced by an independent producer are not specs but screenplays. A shooting screenplay is a screenplay with scene numbers on the right and left side of the master slug line. i.e.

1   INT. CHESTERS CAR - DAY -     1
  
Also, keep in mind the primary reason specs do not contain camera jargon is inorder to sell the script to actors. The "spec" is essentially the actors screenplay.




  

Eric.

Normally your comments make my blood boil but in considering the slug lines in my script you pointed out, you are right. Maybe I should have written EXT. Tony's house- day then wrote in action Olwen on lawn and Tony at window. That does make sense.  

thanks for the explanation on "Angle on." I was honestly not aware of it but now I am.

And in regards to the ending, I have been here on SS long enough to know that when mulitple writers collectively point a fault in your script , the smart thing to do is fix that fault.

I have posted a second draft but don't when it will appear,  

I thought is was a cute little story and made a bit of a statement about how people may try and take advantage of someone if they could.  I picture Walter Matthau as Roy, and I love the image of him in a t-shirt and his wife's duster eating chips.  Hilarious.  I know how I'd tweak the ending, so I can't wait to see how you've changed it!

It's an interesting idea, this concept of a person who can't see numbers.  Whether it's real or not, it makes for an interesting story subject.  The script was funny, as the a-hole gets exposed for what he is.

But after I finished reading this, I kept thinking that you could have done a lot more with the concept.  I was reminded of Memento, where the main character has the flaw of short term memory loss, and the writer was able to make a full-length screenplay out of it. Olwen didn't seem like a very intriguing character to me.  This script was just one scene out of her daily life, but if she has a problem as complex as not being able to see numbers, I'd like to know more about how she contends with it.  What methods does she use for dealing with this problem?  If she doesn't see numbers, what does she see in their place?

This is a good short, but I think you can dig deeper into the concept.

Cam

  

Hey Glenn, sorry it's taken me so long to give you a return read, especially considering how easy and short this was.

Just very quickly - by 'not seeing numbers', do you mean she can't understand them? As in she's number-illiterate? Or can she physically not see them, so to her Roy's notepad would be blank? Not that I suppose it matters...

I too could see the ending coming from a mile away. But then you completely surprised me with the 'dead presidents' line, which actually made me laugh out loud. I completely didn't expect that! Nice work there. But surely Olwen should just let him get the correct money, rather than taking the parcel? That bit I didn't get. After all, her boss isn't going to be happy if she returns with nothing!

I kind of agree with Cam that seeing more of how Owlen deals with her very unusual diability (how can she tell what time it is, how does she have a job?) could be interesting, but that would be a whole different script. This works really well as a short little sketch with a funny punchline. Good job!

Jon

An original little tale.

Would team up well with the "haircut" script on here as part of unusual spooky comedy series.
The ending was very predictable, if this could be cloaked a little better then it would be a lot better.
Love the idea of such an unusal disease, the presidents line cracked me up, good work

Thank you everyone for the read. I am amazed at the responses how everyone is so intrigued by the idea of this script that they want more about Olwen's disability. And here I intended it as just a throw away gag not even aware of how much I could have mined out of this idea. Damn!

I have actually tweaked the ending to this script and uploaded it to Don but it is still not available on SS yet. Hopefully one day.  

Glenn,

After reading previous posts, I wish I had something new to write, but I fear my post will just be an echo of all those who have come before me.

Like others have said, I think it's a really neat idea; having your main character me someone who has trouble with numbers.

You crafted an interesting story with an interesting set-up that in the end felt kind of anti-climatic.  As most have pointed out, it was pretty easy to see where it was going.

I guess my suggestion would be to increase the page count a bit and work on the ending.  I think you've got a good ability at exploring people with unique tendencies and I'd love to see another draft of this script.  That is, if you're even humoring taking this script any further.

(NOTE: My review came before I saw your final post about the new draft.  Looking forward to it.     )