The Real Pig Flu's Story by Helio J Cordeiro & Michel Duthin - Short - Poor Pig Flu! 6 pages - pdf, format

An odd pair write and odd story.  

Helio great to see you posting again.

I thought the short was cute.  An interesting way to send a message and you picked no bones in how you presented it.  

Loved the ending.

Hi Michael! I wouldn't write it without Michel's help and his critical vision about this matter.

Was nice to read your comment, dude! Thanks!

cheers
Helio

I know this tale may sound weird and stupid at first sight. But Helio's world is far from that.

Behind this tale, we tried to communicate a serious message. Never mind if no one get it.

We would have warn you....

Michel

Don't worry Michel, because any message we have to comunicate is just one message that we have to comunicate and we did it, mon ami.

Oh, we have Michael's comment, haven't we?

A quick read and an interesting little story. Obviously Babe and Animal Farm came to mind when I read this, a nice warm feeling.
I understand neither of you have English as a first language so well done on that count. I can't any further than "Hello" in a foreign tongue without resorting to sign language and shouting.

There's a lot of the phrasing in need of correction, I'll let you know what if you like. However there are others roaming these boards with a much better grip of English than I.
Good work.

We make an allegory about what most of people believe to be reliable information. What we try to say was that we have take care about all information we receive from the media.

Yes, Baby and Animal Farm may were a great inspiration for this short alert-tale. Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one; a French!

Thanks for your comment!

Quoted from Helio Fortunately I had a good partner to understand this kind of matter, the best one

Funny! I was about to write the same comment

Michel

Helio & Michel

A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable. It was ok other than that a good concept, which has the potential to make a decent animation piece should someone take it on.

I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced.

Thanks for your comments, colcurtz8!

About the scene of the end, maybe, we wrote it because we are an exaggerated latinos guys.

Thanks again, dude!

Quoted from Colkurtz8 A lot of spelling and grammatical errors in here but thats understandable.

It's not because we're both not English language native that we should be allowed of this.  That short has been written in the rush to stick to the event. That's all. The "understandable" sounds a bit inept.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I liked the ending when the occupation of the man is revealed but the "message" delivered by the cook felt contrived and forced.

Precise your thought please.

Michel

Hi guys

I felt the story has a very good message surrounding the whole swine flu pandemic that really isn't.  A media propaganda machine that conveniantly draws the publics attention away from the world economic crisis.

I understand what message you are trying to tell here but I feel the ending is a little confusing.  What is the cooks point in killing pig flu?  Is he too fooled, I think your message is a little cloudy here.

A good short though and a very relevent story.

Thanks Alffy. Hey, It's been a long time...

The point is that he's a cook, and it's the proof that the pigs are harmless regadring man's health.

This kind of twist is really Helio's. You know him. Always think reading a little cute story and BANG!
cruelty comes back without a warning... That's Helio humour, man.

Of course, that's not English humour (rather Brazilian - I could almost say of him: Excuse him, he's from Barcelona...) A far cousin rather.

Thanks for the reading

Michel (& Helio)

Ah yes, after those delightful visual of a pig getting gang raped by more pigs how could I not pass up on another swine flu story.

The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story. How you have done it is as blatent as on the nose dialouge.  For a great example of a loaded theme woven deeply into story and not so in your face read Sniper's  "The Total Awesomeness of Cars That Fucking Rock" or Stevie's script about swine flu wchich I can't recall the name of.

The good: The end how you reveal the true nature of the saviour in white. Laugh out loud funny.

A couple of funny lines of dialouge like mother sqeals: "Holy pig!" Plus when Mother pigs says to son "I love you" he reply "me too mom."    

Quoted from tonkatough The bad: the message that was as big boulder that your story crashed down on top of my head. No, no, no, no. The message should be buried deep in your story.

What most of people around wouldn't guess that there's a hidden message inside. Of course, the form here is clumsy, but behind certain words, something is buried.

Michel

I have to say that is very dificult to understand what happen with us when we see just one way and don't see what kind of different things. The cook is it more than a type of dangerous flu that is spreed ou by the news and others medical corporations and their interest. All this told by a short script with animals seems to be a nice ideia and I belevied on that, my dear palls! Thanks anyway.

hey, fun read, definately enjoyed it.  I live close to the mexican/american border so I had a front row seat to the drama.  even spent a week or two required to wear a breathing mask at work.

I was wondering, was the dog coming forward a reference to the Wolf and the Three little Pigs?  I'm assuming that wasn't originally an american story, but wasn't sure if you were familiar with it.  If you are it might be something worth playing with, to add to the folktale feel of it.  

I agree with the idea that maybe your message could be buried a little deeper.  though I wouldn't suggest Cars that Fucking Rock as an example of subtlety, much as I enjoyed it.  I know that's easier said than done, so good luck.

If you're interested in fixing all the little typos I'd be happy to go through line by line, but overall it was entirely understandable and a fun read.

Thanks, Jackx, I'll transfere the answer to your comment to Michel, because he has better English than me. Anyway, I apprecieted you help to fix the little typos.

With the word Michel Duthin...

Liked the story of Pig Flu and found it interesting that the little piglet was actually called this, so it seemed to me that the mob were after him, as a maligned iundividual, rather than the illness, so the mob were ill-informed or acting on partial knowledge, in a kind of knee jerk way, caused by media panic.

It reminded me too of a lynch mob in a western, with the stranger in town wearing a white coat rather than the white hat, who comes to the rescue.
I saw him more as a butcher than cook, but I guess he could be both, with the message being not to  trust those who claim to act in our defence, nor to follow too blindly media reports..

Thanks Harriet for your review. We knew, Helio and I, that our message was heavy and should had been buried. You really did get ii.

This is a real situation we live. Like I said before, we wrote it in a rush, to stick with the events.

And it's far than be over...

Michel

Hey Helio, meu amigo,

we're Unproduced Script of the Day for: June 1. 2009

I bring the wine, fetch the glasses...

Michel

This was a recurrent situation once when I was a habitual SS member.

Better to say: when I gave lot of trouble to Don Boose!

A toast so!

Michel

"It's not because we're both not English language native that we should be allowed of this.  That short has been written in the rush to stick to the event. That's all. The "understandable" sounds a bit inept."

-- Sorry, I meant no disrespect. Its just I commented on scripts from you and Helio in the past few weeks and mentioned how I wasn't going to judge your spelling/grammar/phrasing, or overlook so to speak, since English isn't your first language. I didn't want to repeat myself here again by saying the same thing all over again, I realise now how I phrased it was a bit condescending to say the least, my sincerest apologies. Maybe its me that needs to brush up on my English (in fact I know it is )


"Precise your thought please."

-- This is purely a personal thing but the whole "cherish what you have" message, although noble and which I'm a firm believer of has been thrown around so many times in films, books, newspaper articles that it can become tiresome and repetitive. Especially with this recession on everybody is talking about people going back to their values and appreciating what really matters, taking a step back, seeing the bigger picture etc. As I said, all very noble, honest and in part very true its just I've heard it coming at me from all corners in recent times.

Keep up the work, no hard feelings I hope.

Regards

Col.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I meant no disrespect. (...) my sincerest apologies.

Col, don't worry. I didn't feel any disrespect and you don't have to apologize. Waht I meant was that it's not because we're not english that we're allowed to make these kinds of mistakes.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 the whole "cherish what you have" message, although noble and which I'm a firm believer of has been thrown around so many times in films, books, newspaper articles that it can become tiresome and repetitive. Especially with this recession on everybody is talking about people going back to their values and appreciating what really matters, taking a step back, seeing the bigger picture etc. As I said, all very noble, honest and in part very true its just I've heard it coming at me from all corners in recent times.

I got your feeling. But this time, that message came directly from my heart and had a deep meaning for me.

Michel

Hi, Colcurtz8
make Michel's words as if they were mine.

Thanks Michel!

Quoted from michel But this time, that message came directly from my heart and had a deep meaning for me.

You know Col, whatever people can say there's always a subconscious message in every script. Even if the reader doesn't always get it, it's like a subliminal message hidden somewhere. No script are written for nothing. Especially mine, even if they sound meaningless or clumsy.

Michel