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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2016 OWC  ›  Get a Clue - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Get a Clue - OWC  (currently 3051 views)
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 1:08am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Get a Clue by Chris Bodily - Short, Murder Mystery, Suspense, Comedy - A family's patriarch is murdered during a game of Clue(do). Was it Colonel Mustard? Professor Plum? Mr. Green? Or perhaps Miss Scarlet? - pdf, format

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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  March 12th, 2016, 8:38pm
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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 4:11am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

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Here we go with my first read of this OWC...

This is one of those scripts that work best/only within the context of the OWC, with some of the funniest references relating to specific things in the thread/past OWCs... but...

I quite liked it, funny in places with a good pace to it.

There's a couple of 'errors' which are probably due to getting it submitted in time, namely, there's a dice roll called out on page 5 as a 4 but then the token moves 6 (unless they're cheating) and Kyle says he's going to play Halo but Kate says 'He wont be that long', which implies he doesn't go play, so wouldn't be prime suspect.

The Han line made me laugh out loud!

Good effort.  

Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays -
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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 6:03am Report to Moderator

Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
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Being a newbie I haven't studied previous OWC so may have missed a couple of the references suggested by Anthony.

I enjoyed the script, a little bit cheesy.

Had good pace and flow, was easy to read and visualise. Nice.

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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 6:25am Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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Nice script with a little bit of a familiar, if convenient ending. Writer has a definite flair for dialogue of a certain type I.e., teen-speak.  Enjoyable, but not too out of the box. Yep, a little board game pun there.  

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Pale Yellow
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 8:36am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

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Love the title and love the logline. Can almost tell this is going to be a punchy/fun sort of read. (hope)

The two names starting with "K" kept me busy at first. Try to at least use different letters for names if you are going to put four characters into the first few paragraphs of a script. I'm a lazy reader, sorry.

Felt talky through page two but them you inject mystery with the game pieces ie footsteps outside. Good job!

Then we get super cheese...with the dead body and would any kid ever roll their father out of the way to keep playing? Unless it was to save the rest of them. I really like this concept but feel like it needs some work at this point (pg7-

Done now and still really love this concept, but think you need to maybe do more of the mystery and less talking through the first part maybe...give us more of a great thing

Great job, writer.
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irish eyes
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 9:55am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

There`s too much blood in my alcohol

Upstate New York
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A pretty decent script.

A lot of eye rolling from Kyle at the start and it's good to see a 13 year old know a an obscure Beatles song

I like that Dad was murdered and everyone played around added to the non seriousness of the script.
A nice little if predictable comedy

good job

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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 10:00am Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

Upstate NY
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Pretty good. I liked this. It read quick, and I liked the dialogue -- yes, I have a clue as to who wrote this based on the dialogue. Anyway, it was fun and didn't take itself too seriously. The writing was pretty clean, and the story wasted no time in getting to it. Only thing was it tied up in a neat little bow. A little too neat. However, it was in keeping with the quirkiness of the story so I didn't mind all that much.

Overall, good job!


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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 11:04am Report to Moderator
Been Around

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Good read, with everything going on it wasn't hard to understand. Chuckled a few times.

I was waiting for Colonel Mustard to say something, but he kinda just got sucked away as fast as he was introduced. It was cool to see Eugene pull through, but it still didn't feel resolved. Good job, could be better.
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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

North Carolina
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Seems like a variation of "it was all a dream."

They keep playing after Dad dies (and falls on the board)? I guess so if this is filmed as black comedy.

What is it about the footsteps that makes them "ominous"? And I think of footsteps as a sound, not a visual.

When I read about the tokens lighting up I figured this must be a new electronic version of the game. Not until far into the script does somebody remark on the strangeness of it. Seems as if somebody would have said something earlier.

I had to Google the Clue (do) designation. I'm an American so didn't know. I believe it should be written as Cluedo. Sticking with Clue, as you sometimes did, would be better.

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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 1:44pm Report to Moderator

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The biggest problems I had were with Kyle after Eugene "died". His reaction doesn't seem believable, and he literally just pushed the corpse aside.

Also, Kate is the adult here, but she is oddly quiet. Most parents would either freak out or try to control the whole situation or calm the kids down.

I did not understand what was going on on the last two pages. This may have been due to the fact that I read this last night before going to bed, but I don't know. Also, I was thinking that Scarlett would be important, because you mentioned that she was the last one placed on the table.

I would love feedback on any of these!
Back to Class: (comedy series, RECENTLY UPDATED DEC. '16)
Cause & Effect: (comedy-drama series)
Waking Up: (comedy series)
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Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 4:24pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Southern California
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This is too slow paced in the beginning. Not sure that all the debate about which game moves the story forward or is really necessary/

Quoted Text
Clinton was still President.

Not sure this line works. Kyle is 15. Clinton was President 16 years ago - seems like an odd reference for him to drop.

Quoted Text
Eugene takes the game out of the box and starts to set it up
on the coffee table. An ominous crimson light flashes across
the board

There is no reaction from the characters when this light flashes. Wouldn't they have at least been surprised by it?

Quoted Text
It was Colonel Mustard in the
bathroom with the plunger--

A clever line - but really? Is this going to be the son's reaction to seeing his Dad dead?

The subsequent Maddie dialogue has the same problem - her Dad is dead! Why is she so flippant it about it? Where is the reaction from the wife?

Quoted Text
Did anyone else notice something
strange about the board? Or the
tokens? Did anyone else see them
light up and shit?

This is now a bridge too far for me - so Kyle did see the pieces light up and said nothing at the time????

I'm out here. I just found a huge gap between the events (footsteps, mysterious lights, murder) and the dialogue that followed.

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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Abe from LA
Posted: January 23rd, 2016, 8:00pm Report to Moderator

Downey, California
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This one didnít work for me. Maybe if I knew something about the game of Clue.
There was a lot of talk, but that didnít bother me as much as trying to get a handle on what was real and what was cheese. The Eugene death scene and the familyís reactions is a prime example ó I was left spinning in space. I tried to visualize this and the ending.  Sorry, I gave up piecing the clues together. I guess itís just me.
Thanks for playing.
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Posted: January 24th, 2016, 3:52am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Killing villains since 1980!

Buffalo NY
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Best one that I have read yet.

It was pretty well written, funny, scary.

Some stuff I wish:

Less time on the kids fighting, more on why no one gets out of the house when dad shows up dead...  I mean, if my family member comes down the stairs dead (You know what I mean), I'm not gonna think the game came to life, I'm gonna think there's a psycho in the house.

I got the Jamanji reference and I loved your name.  How the kids knew about that was beyond me...


Please read my scripts:

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

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Reef Dreamer
Posted: January 24th, 2016, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Part time writer

The Island of Jersey
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Get a clue

Logline - I really like this simple idea, let's hope the script doesn't disappoint....I haven't read any other comments....

Oh tell me it was the candlestick....sorry, just a tad excited....let's see...

Beetles song - do you have to??

Oh, I'm not sure. I like the premise, and the delivery isn't bad, but hell, that's a lot to pull off. Does it work, not sure. I think this was a bit ambitious for this size, it needed to be narrowed down.

Clean writing, and I followed it as it went.

Thinking about it I just imagined them all walking around the house looking for clues like one big posse

For a week, a fair effort, just a tad too much to achieve.

Ps what was the Han line??

My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link...
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Posted: January 24th, 2016, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
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Jim Onji,

This was a nice, quick read for me. Love Cluedo, still play it every now and then. It was pretty funny in parts. The characters could do with a bit of fleshing out, I didn't feel any connection between them. That can be expected in an OWC though. Other than that, good job.

Best of luck,


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