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Get a Clue by Chris Bodily - Short, Murder Mystery, Suspense, Comedy - A family's patriarch is murdered during a game of Clue(do). Was it Colonel Mustard? Professor Plum? Mr. Green? Or perhaps Miss Scarlet? - pdf, format
This is one of those scripts that work best/only within the context of the OWC, with some of the funniest references relating to specific things in the thread/past OWCs... but...
I quite liked it, funny in places with a good pace to it.
There's a couple of 'errors' which are probably due to getting it submitted in time, namely, there's a dice roll called out on page 5 as a 4 but then the token moves 6 (unless they're cheating) and Kyle says he's going to play Halo but Kate says 'He wont be that long', which implies he doesn't go play, so wouldn't be prime suspect.
Nice script with a little bit of a familiar, if convenient ending. Writer has a definite flair for dialogue of a certain type I.e., teen-speak. Enjoyable, but not too out of the box. Yep, a little board game pun there.
Love the title and love the logline. Can almost tell this is going to be a punchy/fun sort of read. (hope)
The two names starting with "K" kept me busy at first. Try to at least use different letters for names if you are going to put four characters into the first few paragraphs of a script. I'm a lazy reader, sorry.
Felt talky through page two but them you inject mystery with the game pieces ie footsteps outside. Good job!
Then we get super cheese...with the dead body and would any kid ever roll their father out of the way to keep playing? Unless it was to save the rest of them. I really like this concept but feel like it needs some work at this point (pg7-
Done now and still really love this concept, but think you need to maybe do more of the mystery and less talking through the first part maybe...give us more of a great thing
Pretty good. I liked this. It read quick, and I liked the dialogue -- yes, I have a clue as to who wrote this based on the dialogue. Anyway, it was fun and didn't take itself too seriously. The writing was pretty clean, and the story wasted no time in getting to it. Only thing was it tied up in a neat little bow. A little too neat. However, it was in keeping with the quirkiness of the story so I didn't mind all that much.
Good read, with everything going on it wasn't hard to understand. Chuckled a few times.
I was waiting for Colonel Mustard to say something, but he kinda just got sucked away as fast as he was introduced. It was cool to see Eugene pull through, but it still didn't feel resolved. Good job, could be better.
Spoilers: Seems like a variation of "it was all a dream."
They keep playing after Dad dies (and falls on the board)? I guess so if this is filmed as black comedy.
What is it about the footsteps that makes them "ominous"? And I think of footsteps as a sound, not a visual.
When I read about the tokens lighting up I figured this must be a new electronic version of the game. Not until far into the script does somebody remark on the strangeness of it. Seems as if somebody would have said something earlier.
I had to Google the Clue (do) designation. I'm an American so didn't know. I believe it should be written as Cluedo. Sticking with Clue, as you sometimes did, would be better.
The biggest problems I had were with Kyle after Eugene "died". His reaction doesn't seem believable, and he literally just pushed the corpse aside.
Also, Kate is the adult here, but she is oddly quiet. Most parents would either freak out or try to control the whole situation or calm the kids down.
I did not understand what was going on on the last two pages. This may have been due to the fact that I read this last night before going to bed, but I don't know. Also, I was thinking that Scarlett would be important, because you mentioned that she was the last one placed on the table.
This one didnít work for me. Maybe if I knew something about the game of Clue. There was a lot of talk, but that didnít bother me as much as trying to get a handle on what was real and what was cheese. The Eugene death scene and the familyís reactions is a prime example ó I was left spinning in space. I tried to visualize this and the ending. Sorry, I gave up piecing the clues together. I guess itís just me. Thanks for playing.
Less time on the kids fighting, more on why no one gets out of the house when dad shows up dead... I mean, if my family member comes down the stairs dead (You know what I mean), I'm not gonna think the game came to life, I'm gonna think there's a psycho in the house.
I got the Jamanji reference and I loved your name. How the kids knew about that was beyond me...
Logline - I really like this simple idea, let's hope the script doesn't disappoint....I haven't read any other comments....
Oh tell me it was the candlestick....sorry, just a tad excited....let's see...
Beetles song - do you have to??
Oh, I'm not sure. I like the premise, and the delivery isn't bad, but hell, that's a lot to pull off. Does it work, not sure. I think this was a bit ambitious for this size, it needed to be narrowed down.
Clean writing, and I followed it as it went.
Thinking about it I just imagined them all walking around the house looking for clues like one big posse
For a week, a fair effort, just a tad too much to achieve.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
This was a nice, quick read for me. Love Cluedo, still play it every now and then. It was pretty funny in parts. The characters could do with a bit of fleshing out, I didn't feel any connection between them. That can be expected in an OWC though. Other than that, good job.