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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  The May 2015 "Elevator" scripts
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  Author    The May 2015 "Elevator" scripts  (currently 26707 views)
stevie
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 5:22pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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To some of the virginal writers   having their first OWC, I've had an idea banging(no pun intended) around for awhile about a future OWC:

We are given a set theme then the genre is randomly allocated to whoever is keen to enter. Obviously if there were say, 40 writers and 10 or so genres - drama, comedy, horror, rom com, western etc - then 4 perps would have the same genre. I think it would be fascinating to see the differnt interpretations of the same strict theme!  And the limited parameters would make it more challenging.

Anyway carry on chasps.  I've got a couple more to read. I'm actually a bit let down by the overall quality - there has been only 5 that have been good IMO.



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Max
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 7:33pm Report to Moderator
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Saturn Method is my favorite so far.

Feels like falling, good stuff.

What else? Fabrini was a sweet little tale.

Top entries.


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Dreamscale
Posted: May 28th, 2015, 7:52pm Report to Moderator
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The only decent script is the Bunny Man!!!!  

There is screenplay grammar.  It's not the same as proper grammar, but you can't just say that grammar doesn't come into play in screenwriting.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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SteveDiablo
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 12:54am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


Steve,
Just because you might not know as much as they do about formatting, set up or whatever doesn't mean you don't have valuable insight to offer.  You might be good at dialog, or spotting weak plot points, or punctuation or something else like that.  Everyone has something to offer, even if that is just something mundane.  If you catch a typo that others missed, you've done a great favor for them.

Don't discount yourself.  Knowledge comes with time, effort always matters.
Dan  


Thanks Dan.

I think I can go to town on something when I have time, I'm just struggling with the amount.
It makes you a little ratty, twitchy, anxious to get to the next one because there are so many to get through.
At the same time, a couple of scripts really caught my eye and made me read them through to the end so these are the ones I class as good.

Thanks for the encouragement,

The others, whilst decent, just can't keep my attention, so I'd put them in a lower bracket.
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DanC
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 1:45am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max


Fair enough but some great screenplays ain't written like that, and of course I'm talking about some of the professional scripts

Look at Zodiac script, that is riddled with domino action and it reads like a dream...

But of course that doesn't mean it's grammatically right but it's a snappy read.


Do you have a link to that Zodiac script?  I'd like to see how it was tackled.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 1:46am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from stevie
To some of the virginal writers   having their first OWC, I've had an idea banging(no pun intended) around for awhile about a future OWC:

We are given a set theme then the genre is randomly allocated to whoever is keen to enter. Obviously if there were say, 40 writers and 10 or so genres - drama, comedy, horror, rom com, western etc - then 4 perps would have the same genre. I think it would be fascinating to see the differnt interpretations of the same strict theme!  And the limited parameters would make it more challenging.

Anyway carry on chasps.  I've got a couple more to read. I'm actually a bit let down by the overall quality - there has been only 5 that have been good IMO.



Ooooo  That's cool.  I'd be down for that.  I call pisser for my ideas, oh wait, that isn't a compliment...


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 1:51am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max
Saturn Method is my favorite so far.

Feels like falling, good stuff.

What else? Fabrini was a sweet little tale.

Top entries.


So funny.

I hated Saturn Method.  Like a lot.  

Oh, Jeff, when he was outside in an elevator, I imagined the lifts like in Vegas where they are outside.  Since I'm handicap, you have to look in the corners of the casinos that no one wants you in.  Those are where they put the lifts.  Those carts can't go up escalators.

So, I imagined they were outdoors.  Some do exist like that.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 3:53am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max


I'm now employing his "white space" technique


For every rule Iíve seen quoted here and in screenwriting books, thereís a script out there that has broken it. And not just any old amateur script but a script written by a paid professional that has gone onto become a successful movie/TV series. Hereís one of my all-time favourites from the script ĎLethal Weaponí

XT. POSH BEVERLY HILLS HOME - TWILIGHT                      49

     The kind of house that I'll buy if this movie is a huge
     hit.  Chrome.  Glass.  Carved wood.  Plus an outdoor
     solarium:  A glass structure, like a greenhouse only
     there's a big swimming pool inside.  This is a really
     great place to have sex.

I love this lol. Everything you need to know about the house is in the scene heading, but Shane wastes loads of white space elaborating. This was the first screenplay Shane Black sold and it was for $250,000. I know someone will come back on this and say this was a fluke or something but just go out there and read scripts, lots of scripts and youíll see plenty of examples were a certain rule has not been followed and yet the script was sold.

If anyone had employed anything like the above in this OWC, some would have loved it also but some would have ripped them a new bottom-hole, or stopped reading the script right there. And yet, doesn't it stand out? If you read 36 scripts with descriptions like 'Posh, expensive house' sure it's simple and saves space but memorable? No. The above one you'll remember forever and sometimes you need to stand out from the crowd to be noticed.

Itís simply a case of opinion and if someone has laid into your script in a manner which suggests they know exactly the right way which will be universally accepted by any studio or director; just bear in mind they are simply stating their opinion. Even if that opinion comes from some experience in the business, donít give up because someone on here has told you that you are a poor writer.

I watched Tomorrowland over the weekend. Itís pretty shit really but with some OK parts. What is really noticable,  about 70% of the dialogue is exposition and the movie is dialogue heavy, a big no-no if you go by certain Ďrules.  Whatever you think of the movie and how it performs at the box office, this script was written and sold for a fortune, it was also turned into a multi-million dollar movie. Just donít get me started on Jupiter Ascended lol!

The White Space technique is there simply because there is one absolute in this business - NOBODY READS. Itís a quality gate; a way of quickly scanning through a pile of scripts for the secretaries, the assistants, the interns, the proof readers, the copyrighters and the reviewers on this forum lol.  They are the undervalued, the underpaid, the pool souls who get dumped 100ís of scripts every week and assigned the task of picking Ďthe goodí ones to show to a producer; and they get bored very easily.

But as no-one takes the time to properly read each script this means many great stories are lost to the trash can. Due to this lazy approach, we end up with the Hollywood and the movies we actually deserve. I understand it, reading through 36 scripts was a chore but it was worth sticking with it and giving each script a full read as Iíve come across some great stories. At least the TV industry seems to be doing better, thereís some top quality TV being produced at the moment!

I've taken up loads of white space with this reply so I'll leave it there


-Mark




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
MarkRenshaw  -  May 29th, 2015, 6:43am
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Dustin
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 4:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale


There is screenplay grammar.  It's not the same as proper grammar.


There is simply grammar. Grammar is a set of rules that govern a language. If the screenplay is written in English, then it uses English grammar. It doesn't use a special screenplay grammar.

Ridiculous.


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JSimon
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 6:30am Report to Moderator
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In Stephen King's On Writing, King, himself a former High School English teacher, allows that even the rules of grammar can be broken, such as by using incomplete sentences, if the writer has a reason for doing so. There are times, for example, when incomplete sentences work better for the pacing and flow of the story.

But that's not really the "grammar" we were taking about. I'm pretty sure when Fenigus was referring to "grammatically right", he was talking about the "rules" of screenplay writing. What I wanted him to understand is that there really is no such thing.

There are forms and traditions. But what's happened is that starting in the 80s and 90s colleges started teaching screenwriting as a course. THAT is what created a need to boil this down to rules. But that process is still ongoing and is highly artificial.

For example, there is the "aside". It's common sense not to include things in a script that can't be filmed. So it's useful to teach it that way to beginners. However, it's not a rule, and there ARE reasons for using asides...if the writer knows what he's doing and has a purpose in using one.

It's the rules of effectiveness that matter most, not some bible of rules that doesn't exist. There's no such thing as "correct". There's only what works best. Asides are a thing to learn how to recognize because it's not effective to include things in a script that can't be filmed. But sometimes asides are the most efficient way of making sure something is understood.

Passive language is a weaker form of writing. But under certain circumstances it works best.

All kinds of rules are thrown around. I used to hear it said it's a rule that a character needs to be named if it has dialogue. Nonsense. There's no reason the bartender can't be called bartender.

There are all kinds of reasons to break rules in order to more effectively present your story. It's actually the mark of amateurism to not understand that.

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
JSimon  -  May 29th, 2015, 9:49am
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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 9:46am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


There is simply grammar. Grammar is a set of rules that govern a language. If the screenplay is written in English, then it uses English grammar. It doesn't use a special screenplay grammar.

Ridiculous.


Ha! Well said.

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Stumpzian
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
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I have a suggestion about parameters for a future OWC.

Whatever the subject, the following elements would be prohibited:
1. Anything supernatural.
2. Zombies, vampires, or any other kind of monster.
3. Murder.
4. Graphic horrible deaths.
4. Torture.
5. Graphic sex.
6. The Bunny Man.

Would be interesting to see the results. Fewer entries maybe?



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JSimon
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 4:21pm Report to Moderator
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Had those limitations been in play we would have had 36 stories of sentimental conversations on an elevator. Jeesh, no.
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Stumpzian
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 4:27pm Report to Moderator
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JSimon: Maybe so. Sentimentality isn't the only other option, though. And the subject would have to be right. An elevator wouldn't work, I agree.



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Reef Dreamer
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 4:27pm Report to Moderator
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Almost finished

I appreciate that I rushed a few. It's the nature of the OWC that we have to hurry and that's not always a good thing.

If anybody wants a second read, feel free to PM me, whether now or next  week.

Once again, thanks Don. The OWC is a real special event...free of charge.

Best we not forget that.  


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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