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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  Just a Little Nudge? - May
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  Author    Just a Little Nudge? - May  (currently 738 views)
Don
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 6:56pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Just a Little Nudge? by The Impatient One - In the near future, a real estate developer plots how to remove an endangered species from some very expensive land.  Short, Sci Fi


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spesh2k
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
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Hmmm... this is the 2nd one I've read that was sci-fi. I thought this was supposed to be horror or thriller. I guess the reveal/twist at the end borders horror I guess, but this was absent of any tension. And there was a TON of exposition delivered through dialogue. Not that I have a problem with exposition, but it felt a little forced here. The writing itself was fine. But this didn't feel like this met the criteria that much, outside of the twist, which I kinda expected.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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LC
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
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Horror, Thriller or SciFi, Michael.


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Gum
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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Oh man… this dude’s ‘ol lady is a Reptilian…? Gross. Had a ‘They Live’ fear factor in the mix. Sixty million tied up, just waiting for something to happen to an endangered species to get the move on? Not buying it, humans are a plague on this planet and will do whatever is necessary to achieve a goal; “end justifies the means” is a creed the cabal works with tooth and nail, but I digress. The twist is obvious, err… now that is, after reading, but I didn’t see it coming, so kudos. Best of luck.


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SteveClark
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 9:42pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Good marks from me. I love the premise of this one -- wish I had written it! Nice end reveal too, though I think you could do without the last line of dialogue. Might hit just as hard, if not harder, without it. Very good work!

Steve


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mmmarnie
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
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First slug....what's a "scenic" apartment????

So this feels like it's set a bit in the future except you say it's on the heels of COVID.

Dialog had some exposition. I liked the whole lizard idea and the visuals with him watching through the drone. Pretty cool.

But the end...I didn't get it. Barbara's last bit of dialog ... didn't understand. Sorry.


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Spqr
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
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Very nice!
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spesh2k
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Horror, Thriller or SciFi, Michael.


Ah, missed that. Oh, well, didn't effect my score, either way.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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Warren
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from spesh2k
Hmmm... this is the 2nd one I've read that was sci-fi. I thought this was supposed to be horror or thriller. I guess the reveal/twist at the end borders horror I guess

-- Michael


Nope, horror, Sci Fi or thriller, there also doesn't have to be a twist, there can be a shock or a sting in the tail.

Not mine, but seeing lots of comments like this.


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LC
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:52pm Report to Moderator
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Michael already acknowledged he got it later that SciFi was included, and that it won't affect his judging.


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Warren
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:53pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Hi writer,

Great writing on display, it's a nice easy read. topical but still sci fi as well.

Enjoyed this one.

All the best.


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spesh2k
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 10:56pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Michael already acknowledged he got it later that SciFi was included, and that it won't affect his judging.


Even if a script doesn't quite meet the criteria, it doesn't affect my scoring. My favorite and highest scoring from the March (or February, I forget) challenge was a comedy and I believe the theme for that challenge was a thriller or something lol. I just score according to originality, quality of writing, story and, for this one, twist or sting in the tail -- and if the "shock" aspect leaves enough of an impression, that too.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2


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spesh2k  -  May 12th, 2021, 4:56am
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Cacutshaw
Posted: May 11th, 2021, 11:06pm Report to Moderator
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Barbara's coming to get you!

I loved this one! Absolutely embodies the time we live in. We have the isolation, the boredom, the obsession with petty shit, the looking forward to the future.

And what I loved most about the twist, is even though it could be read as downbeat, I saw it as showing how resilient us apes are despite our quirks.

I would actually really love to see this one get made. Great work!
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MarkD
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 2:21am Report to Moderator
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A combination of a virus story and an alien story? I liked this one. Had just enough exposition in two pages for the twist to land.
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: May 12th, 2021, 4:55am Report to Moderator
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Ha! loved the ending and twist of this.

It was a bit clunky getting to the end though, but yeah, good work.


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