That was pretty damn good and massive points for doing something different. The descent into madness felt real. Really liked this, great job.

An attempt at someone with locked in syndrome? When he should be sleeping he's aware of external stimulation and being driven crazy by it. I think I get the concept but the execution didn't quite hit the mark for me.
Well done.

A prisoner in your own mind. Kill me.

The format is a huge cheat, but as others have pointed out, doing it any other way would blow the page limit. It's clear enough to get the point across, but I argue it isn't really a script. There need to be visuals, or there needs to be one visual throughout, like a close up of his face or something and that's it. Or even no visuals like the last challenge. The expectation here is we would see the things he's talking about and those are not on the page. The visuals you do have would not work throughout the reveal and ensuing madness.

Excellent idea poorly executed here, but oh, it has potential. It falls in the same vein as Passengers, the horror of knowing you're doomed to this existence of just being. Well worth doing properly outside of the challenge.

Tweaking the spacing at the top doesn’t help me warm to this.  Easier just to lose some dialogue.  That said, I quite like the underlying idea, if not the execution.  That’s if I’ve understood it right: he’s an astronaut in cryosleep but something has gone wrong and he’s essentially trapped in a dream or semi-lucid state?

Given the space and more freedom it could be something more poignant.  Hard to pull off an almost entirely dialogue-driven idea so kudos for giving it a go.  As it is, I’m not sure it would play out on screen as intended.  It would just be a guy ranting in an apartment and you might not get that connection you're looking for.

Interesting idea but the it feels very passive as it's almost entirely VO.

I think it needs some more visual elements.

Well, this would be the easiest short of all of them to film. Could probably shoot it in an hour or less.  It’s a bizarre story, to be honest, and not sure exactly what has happened, and I read that last page several times for clues, but I’m dumb as a stump to be honest and can’t figure it out.  But I enjoyed the writing and it’s highly fascinating.  Just wish I understood it.

Great idea. Bad script.

Ex: "He acts more and more sporadic." It's kind of the script's job to explain the visuals.

In fact, you basically left out all of the visuals. I mean, I know why. 2 pages. But, it still needs to be a script.

Still, this is a fantastic idea. I just wish you wouldn't have burned it on a 2-page script, where you don't have the room to pull it off.

Well...great idea but it's not a 2 pager. You really squashed it into 2 pages. Montage it was not.

You'd think they would have tested this system before using it on a mission. Maybe that was a casualty of the same budget cuts that left Earth with only one pilot to defend against the Space Bobblehead

There's a progression here that's nicely nonlinear, and he covers a number of different kinds of rambling, but the fact that he bounces over into a homicidal state doesn't come as a huge surprise.

One wonders how all of these crew members will react upon waking.

Minor quibble... it's supposed to end with FADE OUT rather than END, and the spacing seems a little off.

Good job!

A guy on a doomed spaceship slowly goes nuts. The monologues are fine but I would like to see something happen.

Writer,

I don't know what this was all about, but I'll give you points for originality. Even though I was lost, I still liked this one alot.

Steve