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Freeing Michael - OWC (currently 665 views) |
Don |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 11:11am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16449 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Freeing Michael by Laurie Strode - Short, Comedy, Horror, Dark Comedy - Michael, cursed to an eternity of bad Halloween remakes, must find and brutally kill anyone who enjoys watching them on Halloween. - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 2:19pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4324 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
Having just watched Halloween Ends I'm hoping this script can redeem it! 'Erect fingertips', 'slides' used 3 time in 2 paragraphs, there's some interesting language choices that maybe worth a review. But I Loved my VCR (had Phillips V2000, Beta and VHS at one point) so I'm sold and wanting to know what he selected. Ah, great choice oh hang on, the sign is a big lie! Resurrection... really? Some people deserve what they get Micahel should be in CAPS when first introduced, even if we do know (and love) him. Picky, but Cologne is a large city in Germany, cologne is the smelly stuff. Knife through the casette is a better kill than anything in Ends! Sharp Elbow Girl, made me checkle. Not sure a talking Michael would normally be my thing, but works in the tone of this short. So the curse isn;t at all really, but again made me laugh... Last 3 pages become er. interesting... and didn;t really work for me as a script but to amuse the regs on SS then absolutely. Decent effort. EDIT: May have missed it but didn;t see an obious midnight element |
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
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Reply: 1 - 17 |
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ghost and_ghostie gal |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 5:08pm |
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Old Timer
LocationA helluva long way from LA Posts1566 Posts Per Day 0.29 |
Ahoy writer, Oh my gosh, another interesting take on Halloween. This is nuts. In a fun way. No kidding, I expected this to end with the camera pulling back to reveal we're on a film set, and the director is making a pastiche At first, I wasn't sure about you having Michael speak. But yea, in the context of what has been laid out, it works for me. I had a good laugh with this, the puns. Aside from a few nitpicks, not sure I noticed a curse. Fun read. Best of Irish luck!- -A |
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Reply: 2 - 17 |
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Robert Timsah |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 6:35pm |
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January Project Group Story Is Structure
Posts280 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
This is a funny and entertaining ride. It has some formatting issues I'm sure Gerald would have mentioned - had he been around any longer. Being stuck in the Halloween franchise is quite the curse, I suppose, LOL.
I'm off to watch Halloween Resurrection! |
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Reply: 3 - 17 |
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steven8 |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 8:14pm |
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Old Timer The Ed Wood of Simply Scripts
LocationBarberton, OH Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
"Michael lumbers" - Love it
Perhaps this will be the script that finally puts a smile on..wait for it...Michael's Mug!
Ha! I kill me... |
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AlsoBen |
Posted: October 22nd, 2022, 11:09pm |
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Been Around
LocationAustralia Posts728 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
It was silly and funny in parts. Haven't watched any Halloween movies except the very first one from the 70s. It seemed a little strange to include a link to the Halloween theme...presumably anyone who's reading/watching this has some concept of the vary famous score?
I don't know. Maybe you need more understanding of the franchise and legacy to really appreciate this fully. I felt a little underwhelmed. |
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Reply: 5 - 17 |
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Zombie Sean |
Posted: October 23rd, 2022, 9:29am |
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Old Timer
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
It was funny for sure, but as Ben said, it's probably more appreciated if you're a fan of the franchise. I've seen plenty of the films but am indifferent toward them. It did make me laugh though. I should probably see Halloween Ends but the trailer looked terrible so I could only imagine you're right about the actual film.
Sean |
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Andrew |
Posted: October 23rd, 2022, 9:56am |
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Old Timer
Posts1791 Posts Per Day 0.32 |
Actually really liked the idea here. Some sharp writing and great potential for Fargo-esque black comedy.
Tip of the hat to SS always a nice touch.
Would love to see a shorter version of this, because you can see how it would work as a great little short film.
Your tongue is obviously firmly in cheek, but actually think you could have something fun if you knock out a rewrite.
Less Michael dialogue would be good, because the humour level jumps up with scarcity. |
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Reply: 7 - 17 |
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SleepyZillennial |
Posted: October 23rd, 2022, 4:09pm |
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I found it very interesting and meta! At first the meta part of the script confused me, but I quickly got into it. I would put the meta stuff earlier on so the reader can get used to it. I've not watched any of the Halloween movies, so I feel if you're not a fan, you're missing out on a lot. |
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Reply: 8 - 17 |
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Yuvraj |
Posted: October 23rd, 2022, 7:14pm |
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Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts795 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Perhaps, I could use the word 'self-aware' funny story, I'm not sure. Regardless, it was a good and enjoyable read.
Good luck. |
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Reply: 9 - 17 |
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kcranford |
Posted: October 24th, 2022, 3:20pm |
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New Features: Christmas Joe
Posts372 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Ok, I didn't want to like this....but OMG! I loved it! It verifies that both Michael and I detest all the "Halloween" remakes and to be clear, I understand his murderous rage toward anyone that prevents him from getting a puppy LOL. This script is smart, cute and an unexpected pleasure of a read. Might be my new favorite. Watch out "Grave Little Toaster"! |
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Shorts: Santuario (OWC Writers' Choice) Death (OWC) Savior (OWC) |
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Reply: 10 - 17 |
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KCastor |
Posted: October 25th, 2022, 5:56pm |
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Super fun read! The pacing was great, funny dialogue and easy to follow. I could envision this being a popular web short. Great job! |
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Reply: 11 - 17 |
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LC |
Posted: October 27th, 2022, 1:57am |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7644 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
A bit patchy in parts but genuinely funny in others. Loved the popcorn hitting his mask. What was with all the Cologne and Old Man readying himself for the Halloween viewing. I can only imagine it was a special ritual. The story ostensibly appears to be OLD MAN's but then it's as if you ran out of steam and it switched to another house, another group - including 'sharp elbow Girl' and then zeros in more specifically on the SS challenge, and Laurie and Michael & the 'noun', so a bit of a mish-mash for me sprinkled with some truly inspired funny moments. The star of the show and titular character definitely needed his intro CAPPED. He'll come looking for you for that oversight, so beware. I'd lock the doors if I was you. Very enjoyable, if a little discombobulated. But worth it for the laughs. |
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SAC |
Posted: October 27th, 2022, 11:28am |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3208 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
What is it with including links in scripts? Second one of the bunch. Sigh… Anyway, aside from all that I liked this and it’s tongue-in-cheek approach. Definitely original, but not a pisser, which is good. This was fun. Good work!
Steve |
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Reply: 13 - 17 |
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big lew |
Posted: October 28th, 2022, 9:30pm |
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New Rewriting Sucks!
LocationWater Mill, New York Posts94 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
Yeah, this is clever, funny, very well written, and complies with the terms of the challenge.
Just based on principle, Michael should be freed at last! |
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Reply: 14 - 17 |
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Grandma Bear |
Posted: October 29th, 2022, 5:54pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7967 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Since I have never watched any of the films in this series I probably missed all the jokes. So, just reading it as any other short, it didn't really do much for me. My fault, I guess. This is the second script where there was directions either to a YT video or wiki page or something like that. I'm not going to stop in the middle of a script and google something! I hope this isn't a trend... Everyone else seem to enjoy your script, so just ignore this post. Cheers! |
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Reply: 15 - 17 |
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irish eyes |
Posted: October 30th, 2022, 4:59pm |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.36 |
A newbie writer. A lot action/description that could be condensed to 1 or 2 lines A little lazy on not naming your characters Quite a lot of typos Besides all that: I really enjoyed this one. Laughed out loud MICHAEL Too old for this shit. It's good to see Michael finally have a voice A very clever concept. I actually played with the idea of the OWC being the curse if I managed to get an entry... Which I didn't Great job on entering |
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Reply: 16 - 17 |
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Robert Timsah |
Posted: October 31st, 2022, 2:43pm |
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January Project Group Story Is Structure
Posts280 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
Thanks for all the feedback on Freeing Michael. I struggled to come up with an idea for this one, and when I struggle for an idea, I tend to go comedy. Comedy tends to unleash creativity and, therefore, fun. The flip side is fun and creativity can lead to errors and/or problems, as many of you accurately pointed out. In my new draft of Freeing Michael, I cleaned up some of the errors, improved scene flow, broadened the ending and honed Michael's lines. Can read on my website and listen to that iconic soundtrack. https://robert-timsah.com/Directly to new draft https://drive.google.com/file/d/14MuYzAKrsVXqkXW6jM3tA13bwwM7OJ5Q/view?usp=sharing |
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