“Fix It?” Or, “Torch It!" by The Renovator - When a new Home Renovation TV Show asks viewers if the owners of a rundown old shack should renovate it, or obliterate it, the answers could get a little fiery!  Short, Comedy, Horror

To the Renovator,

This was hilariously stupid. Like an SNL skit, or a scene from Scary Movie. It had me smiling the entire time though, as everyone was just outrageously annoying (in a good way).

Not much to say on this. Some of the formatting could've been fixed with the sluglines, such as mentioning the peephole view as maybe its own line saying something like "POV MYSTERIOUS FIGURE"

Fun job!

Sean

Ahoy Renovator --Ok. Full disclosure. I laughed once or twice, just didn't find it funny. I was more amused than anything. Which is surprising cos' I have a warped since of humor. So... it didn't land for me.  I know, comedy is subjective -- so I'm sure other's will luv it. The best word I can think of to describe it is "lively". If I went to Wal-Mart, I'm sure I would find this in the "fun and games" section.   Anywaz, still a fun read. Good job! -A

Never been a fan of camera directions in scripts but that's just me.

A few smiles here and one or two chuckles but I think it lost its way in the last couple of pages, I saw the introduction of the Brother coming as soon as they were mentioned earlier but to have them just wander off at the end... didn't work for me.

Oh, and the last scene is INT. SUBURBAN HOME - SAME - but both Ken and the Husaband's actions seem to be written as if they were inside the shack, if you re-write I'd consider the geography of this bit.

  

As a watcher of weekend "fixer upper" shows, I got the entire vibe of this, including the host who was jacked up on too much caffeine.  And poor Karen, "lopsided duck lips" LOL.  Turns out that was the least of her problems.  Anyway, this had some funny scenes contrasted with the requisite "hidden bad man" lurking in the old house.  It seems all the criteria of this OWC were met and I got a couple of laughs out of this, so good job writer.  TY for sharing!

You have a beginning that is basically Gogglebox - I just discovered the American version is Celebrity Watch Party. If you keep this couple and their child in your story I think you'd be best introducing them as proper characters - as opposed to 'telling' us the info.

The really entertaining story however is what follows.

House Reno shows are dime a dozen and ripe for satire so I really like where you went with this. I was reminded of the The Curse with Emma Stone - the more over the top the better.

The main criticism I have of this is I think the couple watching the show are redundant - they don't really add much when all the action is really 'the show' and its quirky characters.. If the viewing couple had rung in for a chance to win whatever house was being showcased that week, only to win and watch it burn down that would be a different matter.

If you rewrite this I suggest you choose an angle like that to make the couple intrinsically a part of this, (stakes) or ditch them entirely and keep it contained to the actual TV show.

That said this was a really inventive take on the challenge. The house was front and centre, as were your delightful cast of  plastic characters.

"Ken and Karen." Poor Barbie. Or is it "Poor Ken?"

This would be a fun makeup job for a budding artist. Cast Fran Drescher! She'd kill this role.

Quoted Text INT. THE SHACK - LIVING ROOM/SEEN THROUGH A PEEP HOLE IN THE CEILING - SAME

This slug seems a bit long. I've almost never seen any go past one line.

Quoted Text As you watch us check out the rest of the rooms we want you to decide what Ken and Karen should do.

This sentence is worded funny. I think I understand what you mean. Sorry, I misread that. After "rooms" should be a comma.

Karen's dialogue on p5 seems to be tabbed, except for the first line.

ROFLMAO! I was gonna say "Where's the horror?" This was a pretty solid script. Congrats on entering.

Hey Renovator,

Haha, crazy fun script!

Love this below description:-

'An older couple. He’s aged well, but she’s had work done --
more like a total restoration gone bad: lopsided duck lips,
too much of a boob job, and a face lift where the surgeon
must have gotten a hernia.'

Couple of your slugs were a bit confusing for me (too much info in them) and a passage of Karen's dialogue is in the parentheses format, which is a tad slack! However, all is forgiven because you entertained me.

Well done

I like that Andy is described as having way too much caffeine, and the New Yark accent detail is great.

Does there need to be a comma in the title? Shouldn't "Fix It? Or, "Torch It?" simply be "Fix It? Or "Torch It!"? By the way, I thought your title was the most interesting of all the contestants.

I got a little confused by the action at the end.

Hi Writer

Your camera directions in the slugs are confusing me. Better to direct what we see in the action/description blocks.

Characters not properly introduced, dialogue immediately after slugs, aforementioned camera directions. The writing is not for me and i think could use some work.

Really cool idea of the couple watching the TV show and cutting between the two, but my biggest issue is, they two are completely unconnected, like two separate stories running consecutively. The couple watching and the TV show should really connect somehow for a truly interesting story.

All the best

I really liked several elements of this script.

First, the show idea is brilliant. I mean, I want to watch a show with this premise. Except, they show two homes: choosing one to fix up and the other to destroy in some hugely inventive way every week. Please get this show made.

The ending felt like being hit by a truck. I picture you writing along, enjoying the process, then realizing the page count is at 5.5. Panic sets in, and you just light the place on fire. It was all just SO hurried to me.

Thankfully, after the challenge, you can go back and expand on the ending some, because you have a lot of good stuff to work with.

The idea of the brother felt a bit shoehorned. But, I'm 100% digging on the idea of the show hosts, while live on the air, stumbling into some horrific event. So, I get why you went in the direction you did.

Overall, lots to like.

This was quite the roller coaster ride: up/down, in/out, look here/look there, Fix-it/Torch-it… FIRE!

On a serious note, it’s actually an over the top script, in a good way. Just seemed like you tried to squeeze every last drop out of that mango, and the pit. I had to back track a few times to get my bearings, and I think it stems from all the bold montage slugs and moving back and forth between a television program and some odd couple with a kid and its loaded diaper somewhere out in the suburbs.

Then there’s a peephole in the ceiling, not complaining (I once scripted a freakin’ glory-hole in a confessional booth, so all good), and finally someone running out the backdoor who may or may not have accidentally been blowed-up. Other than that, not sure what else I could add that hasn’t already been said except it was a weird crazy ride. Best of luck.

I liked your character descriptions. They brought a smile.

The different house descriptions were equally sharp, and colorful. I just wish they didn't describe my house.

The humor was a little too over-the-top for my liking. Then again, my humor is dry and takes a lot of getting used to.

Still, I liked the dark ending.

Hey writer,

I wanted to like this one more than I did as there's some great elements to it, but was often confused by what was going on, especially the ending, even having read it twice.

Still, I can tell whoever is behind this knows what they're doing and given more time, will be able to really bring out the best of it.

Good luck!

A decent idea that spent a little too much time on the asides and characters that added nothing to the story.  I would leave out the viewers at home and focus really on the couple buying the house.  Maybe introduce the guy that takes out Karen at the end somewhere a little earlier so it’s not out of left field.  Also, didn’t one of the hosts say “Fix it Wins”?  If so, why was it being torched?  But the ending was definitely a twist. I liked how you pulled that off.  Best of luck on this.