Okay, so...

I'm not a fan of all the CAPITALISATION... occasional use fine, but for me this is too much - even though you are using it to try and reveal things...

Of which, I'm with Jeff here, I don't think this can be filmed in the way you've written it with these gradual reveals, I just don't think that would practically work shot to shot.

The idea is interesting, trying to maintain the romance in a plane crash, I thought was darkly funny... but then the twist pulled the rug out entirely and I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Well certainly made me think.

I get what's been said about this, and it's mostly true, but I think you did a fair decent job considering what you were going for.

I knew what I was in for the moment I read that first bit of camera direction (but not the twist). No, it won't appear on screen exactly as you wrote it, but that doesn't really matter. The effect is what's important, and it works. Visually, there will be bigger clues about the plane crash earlier than you wrote, but that doesn't detract from the twist at all.

I like that this is two actors who are ad-libbing a little romantic moment between takes, using the set as the basis for some fun flirting. But, man, it's cloyingly sweet. I gagged. It wasn't pretty. A little more tongue-in-cheek humour and a little less sappiness would have gone a long way.

The director correcting the line she said hurt this, I think. It made me wonder if they were actually doing a scene from the script, but that doesn't jive with the rest. I'm assuming she was injecting a line from the script into their flirty playing, but it just confuses things.

Your use of CUT TO: and >>JARRING JUMP...<< is a smash cut. Save space, use that.

Definitely avoid similar names (Cal/Carl).

Despite the sickening sweetness, I liked it. Well done.

The way it was written with camera angles was a little jarring.  Also, even though the ending is not bad, it's different.  The film in itself seems a little too jolly for the circumstance that has recently occurred.  That film seems more dramedy.  Overall, the humour/comedy wasn't strong for me.  Thinking of the items we had to use.  It was a nice touch to use them as props.

The director should have a different name.

If we're going to be outside of the plane for any reason.  I guess to show the planes final resting spot.  I'd have written the scene heading.

Story-wise, not bad.

Hi Writer,

Well done. I liked this one. The camera movements were annoying, but they were also intriguing, and kept me glued to the page guessing what was happening. The dialog was a little too cheesy for my taste, but nothing that took me off the story. I would have liked a little more humor and the reveal took a little too long, but I really liked the twist so it was worth waiting.  

Cal/Carl got me confused for a moment. Change that.

Clever and well written.

Good job!

It was a slog to get through to get to the first twist, and then the twist after that. Wanted to like it, but by the time I got to the first twist, I was already annoyed with the characters.

Everyone has already beaten you up on the camera things, so I'll leave that.  Some grammatical stuff (the ever-challenging Loose versus Lose) and a slow-moving story just made it hard for me to enjoy the ending.  Still, mostly well-written.  So a bit of a hand-wringer for me.

Best,
Gary

Well, you do know how to write a screenplay. My only complaint is that the plot twist was underwhelming, to say the least. And the slow reveal about the wreckage died for me way earlier than the writer thought. I already knew what was going on a couple of pages before he made the final reveal. I really hoped for a better twist. It would have made a world of difference to me if the punchline was something more interesting than a movie set.

This was another "wanna-like-it" script for me, and many things I did like. Yet the more I read the more I questioned...is this a Rom Com?

I think not.

There was no "get her, lose her, get her again" structure. This for me was more of a well constructed teaser comedy.  And when we get the head snap that this is a film in a film, the reveal is clever fun.

But after that, like the plane it self, the story takes a bit of a nose dive instead of taking us higher.

Not a Rom Com, but an example of clever story telling.

A thumbs up effort.

I can live with a little direction here and there in a script if it's important. This is all a very sloooooow reveal though.

This was actually one of the strangest scripts in the contest I've read. Lots of issues, the biggest I see is no real conflict/story.

Jille and Cal in the wreckage played straight comes off as very weird but I kept reading to see where you were going with it. It makes no sense to ignore all their injuries and just make out constantly to the point I was wondering if this was turning into a twisted kinda porn. However, it's a gag that just goes on too long. If they aren't worried then why should we be. I was ready to bail as I was halfway through and the script was going nowhere when you reveal the Director/Carl (pick one. Also, Cal and Carl in same script? Thanks for making me even more confused) Ok, now the wreck makes a bit more sense but this adds nothing to the story either. The director trying to get his shot is actually the main character I'd say but it's too little too late to care.

Also, this wasn't very romantic despite trying so hard to make it so and not very funny, despite trying so hard to make it so.

An over use of capitalization. Some typos here and there. Reads more like a novel than script at times with the over handed action.

Maybe some might like this but it falls flat for me.