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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April, 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Secret Package
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  Author    OWC - Secret Package  (currently 3711 views)
Don
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Secret Package by Marcus Aurelius - Short, Drama - Outsourcing takes on new meaning and achieves new successes in The Secret Package. - pdf, format


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Tommyp
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 11:40pm Report to Moderator
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Continuity Is For Pussies...

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Wow. Just wow. I loved this. Everyone read this. Well done!


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steven8
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 11:43pm Report to Moderator
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Just finished.  THAT, is a major cool secret!!  Poor varmint. . .
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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 10th, 2009, 11:54pm Report to Moderator
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Buahaha I was so confused until the elevator part. Nicely done.

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Dreamscale
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 12:40am Report to Moderator
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Hmmm...well, at least this one was written by someone who knows what they're doing...but...I don't see any of the theme whatsoever, unless I missed something.  And that could easily have happened, with all the various wierd shit going on.

Loved the Nicole Kidman reference, but didn't understand anything here at all, and didn't really care to, based on the obvious weirdness of the whole thing.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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MBCgirl
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 1:02am Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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What??????

We all know our Pia is truly cool in real life...as she obviously is in this short...but seriously, way too much going on in this for a short.  I found myself not caring if I read to the end...even though I did.

Hurray for Pia and Fedex.

Morgan


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JamminGirl
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 2:52am Report to Moderator
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I wasn't following the action in the jet. Neither did I get the relevance of Letterman or Nicole Kidman but you had a story. Great action going on there.
Comedic that the president would fedex a bomb to bin laden too. LOL


Family Picnic 10 pages.

After the Trade 3 pages

by T. Jasmine Hylton
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steven8
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 2:56am Report to Moderator
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Everything is being outsourced these days.  That is a terrific idea.  Pia Pickens!  What a great visual that is!  I really did like this script, as it definitely has the same scattered lunacy of Dr. Stranglove.
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stebrown
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 4:45am Report to Moderator
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This was pretty funny and hit the genre and theme of the challenge fine.

A bit too much going on for the page count but it was surprisingly easy to follow even still. There was little believability about the script but I think that was your intention.

Good, tongue-in-cheek script. Maybe a little too much 'borrowed' from other films though.


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mcornetto
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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I didn't think this was that much of a drama, it was a bit more of a satirical comedy.  It was also full of in-jokes to the point where anyone who wasn't pretty much a regular to the site wouldn't get it.  For what it was it was amusing.

I don't think it took the challenge serious though. And from what I could tell no secret was revealed at a picnic.  The fact that their was a secret was, but not the secret itself.

And also, if you're going to have flashbacks please indicate them in some way.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 7:18pm Report to Moderator
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When Cornetto guessed I wrote this one I had to read it to see why.  I'm guessing it's because of my elevator comments from the OWC thread...

This is the second one I've read that didn't take the competition seriously.  Honestly, that sort of bums me out.  Thats all I have to say about that.


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Dreamscale
Posted: April 11th, 2009, 7:25pm Report to Moderator
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I agree, Hig.  2 of these scripts blatantly didn't take this seriously, and a number of others made no attempt to follow the theme and guidelines.  That's why I've been less than impressed so far.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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BryMo
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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What ??? Pia, Nicole, Letterman..

Anyway its clear as day you're a writer. Descriptions were the best i've read this OWC so far, but, really... why have so much shit going on!?

QUESTIONS:

What was exactly the secret?

Is there a reason nobody knows how to follow a simple theme?

God, who knows. I'm starting to not care.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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jayrex
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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This one was written well but felt there was too much action for my liken.  And I didn't notice this secret revealed too.  The script obviously isn't serious and so was the writer.

A nice effort but not in tune with the competition.


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Murphy
Posted: April 12th, 2009, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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This was good, and obviously all the inspiration was taken from the OWC thread, I am sure that raping Nicole Kidman in an elevator may even have come from me! lol.

I have no idea why people are against somebody injecting a bit of fun into the OWC? What on Earth is so wrong with not taking the OWC seriously?

This aint the Nicholls folks, there are no prizes up for grabs, if somebody wants to use the script club as a way of chilling out and writing something funny and topical then so what? I have no idea at all why this should present a problem to anyone.

As a script club entry this probably misses the mark, not really a drama, more of a farce. As a funny little script to read on a Monday morning then this did a great job.

Well done.
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