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Well wriiten for the most part and easy to read. I know it's been said but there was little in the way of comedy. But it did have a strong romantic drama element so that basically meets the criteria as far as I'm concerned.
I wasn't so sure about the scene with all the journalists. I thought it was unlikely that a composer such as this would have a number 1 hit on the Billboard charts for seven weeks. It's unusual for a song to remain at the top of the charts for so long these days and particularly a song such as this.
Otherwise I thought everything flowed pretty smoothly and made sense. Good job.
I think I have a pretty good idea who wrote this but I'll keep it to myself for now.
New Beetle... hum, could this be the one by Ringo?
Anyway, I liked the story. The script was well-written, and I liked the lyrics. But like others have said, there is no comedy.
Good job for the OWC though.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I thought all the talent was in the first script I read because it was so bloody good. And you guys are just raising the bar! Again and again!
I have to get some sleep and read this one over, but what gets me about this one is:
The person who wrote it!
Their energy exists inside the words. I don't feel romance comedy, but I don't care.
Again-- I just want to applaud the people that aren't into romance-comedy and submitted anyways. To me, you guys are the winners!
Tomorrow, after a sleep, I'll read this one again and try and give some good input.
I have really positive vibes from this one. Sandra
OK, I just read this again and it's awesome! This line here:
PETER Sorry. I’ve got to carry on.
I can completely relate to it and so can many others.
At some point, when does it happen, anyways? We make a conscious decision to let a memory rest, but even then, it doesn't really.
It may in fact become more real as does Jane, working very splendidly with her assistance on many levels.
This is not a comedy, obviously, but like I said before, when you take on the challenge, you do something magnificent and something comes of it. Maybe not even what you were expecting.
You use your words really well. I can’t offer much criticism because I think this is beautifully written. It just gives a complete vibe of what pure romance is.
I found no comedy whatsoever but I think its great you came up with a story like this from the challenge!
Really well done! My hats off to you.
Shorts: Good Golly Miss Molly No Place Like Home New Moon Rising Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW! The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody Toy Soldier This Modern Love A Virgin State of Mind
Can't say I liked this one as much as some of the others. To me, it just seemed a bit too precious and obvious. The wife coming down from the sparkling life sized photo in the bedroom and all. For what it was, you did a good job with the story. But, I just didn't think there was all that much there. There were a few problems with tense:
PETER (30), dark hair and badly shaven, is kneeled in front of a white marble tombstone
Would have read better if you wrote kneels. And that epitaph is pretty hardcore:
SHE LOVED, WAS LOVED, AND DIED
Whew, talk about on the nose. That pretty much says it all.
Zak seemed like a character put into the script strictly for comedic relief. But, it's too little, too late, IMO. I probably would have enjoyed this script much more if it wasn't an OWC entry. I kept looking for the comedy aspect, and it never came.
Hi! Even though, the obvious remark would be "where's the comedic aspect?" mine lacked that as well, so I won't give you much flack
I didn't understand why you ended each scene with a FADE to BLACK. When you fade to black, aren't you supposed to FADE IN? If you're fading to black as a transition to every new scene, then do you really need it? It's kind of redundant.
Nice story, but doesn't grab me as much as the others. I can't say why, really.
Nicely written story that moves along at a good pace and is filled with atmosphere.
It's a little twee for my tastes, but that's a subjective thing. I didn't really buy the whole mega hit thing. I think a more classical tale would have suited it better. A classical composer, rather than a superstar vibe.
I liked the quiet strength that Peter finds from Jane. Despite the fact that she has passed on, she still has a powerful and positive effect on his life, as Jane does by helping Peter find happiness in his music again.
Really minor nit-picking: I don't think a journalist would frame a question with "This song is incredibly awesome.", unless they were writing for a teen magazine.
Other than the piano lid closing in on his fingers and Zak's charicature as the flighty pop star, not a lot of ha-ha comedy, but plenty of warmth to support the romantic drama aspect of the challenge
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
I'm sorry some people found my story "twee" but this is MY story and my life is far to be twee. I never tried to hide myself behind it and a lot of people guesses right away who wrote it. I think it's somewhere a self victory because I succeeded to make emotion passing through in a language that is not mine. After all these years I still make weird words and there's no comedy. I rather tried to blow some bittersweet humur in it. Choosing that subject it was obvious comedy couldn't be here.
Anyway I wrote from the bottom of my heart and I'm very glad if I could have touched some people. They have shared for a very short while my present existence.
Funny no one ever noticed my Pinocchio tribute with the blue sparks just before Jane comes "alive".
By the way Cam, the words of the epitath are real words I found while I made my researches. They're very simple and could resume my character.
A last thing, thanks to Cindy for her unconscient support. I've been touched back.
and thank you to everyone who reviewed it. Wasn't too negative for once...
I think you did a great job with this Michel and the emotion did come through despite the fact that you wrote it in English. You should be very proud of it.
I think you did a great job with this Michel and the emotion did come through despite the fact that you wrote it in English. You should be very proud of it.