Yep, Frank,  I should probably stick to not commenting on comments.

Quoted from LC The writer presents the idea in dialogue rather specifically that two people can come from the same family, same parents, upbringing, lifestyle, one goes the straight and narrow (well, except for eventually killing someone) the other turns to drugs etc. Actually, the irony, now that I look at it, is that steering off course into criminal activity for this family seems to be genetically predisposed.   I see the theme not addressed in a few others way more than this one. Edit: Maybe you mean would you have come away with that theme from reading this if not for the theme being imposed with the challenge. Applies to a lot of entries I think. It's a hard nut to crack.

The theme here is revenge, the story, which is spoken through expositional dialogue is about kids turning out differently (but they kind of don't). That's my opinion.

And with that I think I'm done. Good luck for the rest of the WT all.

Honestly, this started well for me but slowly descended. Reason been, it was familiar for me. Not a fan of this.

Regardless, good luck.

Good use of the elements - I think it's a little light on thriller but hey for 5 pages, it does what it sets out to do.

Theme is mentioned, hinted at, attempted, whatever you want to call it, so for that yes I agree with Libby, there are scripts in this round that look like the writer had not even been informed what the theme was.

I think they were raised the same, in the same house, which does mitigate against nature "VS" nurture.

Apart from the elements I think it's a revenge story and I'm not how much "new" has been brought to the table here. Halfway down page 3 I could see where this was going, however that might have been because the criteria was guiding me there.

AJR

Thanks for all the great feedback, appreciated as always.

A couple of people queried who he was talking to right at the start, Frank got it right... was meant to indicate that he'd imprisoned the bar owner.

I initially made him a Printer, implying that he'd printed the marketing flyer but changed it to Chemist at the last minute... I might change it back.

Thanks all!

This one has now been sold to a director in the US.

Okay, you can stop showing off now!  
Congrats!

Lol, happened last yr too, I think it's filmmakers getting ready for the new year...

Quoted from AnthonyCawood This one has now been sold to a director in the US.

And another one?  You are definitely on a roll!  My new favorite four letter word is going to be “SOLD”!  Congrats again!

Many thanks and love the mug pic!