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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Seat Filler Conspiracy Moderators: bert
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  Author    Seat Filler Conspiracy  (currently 3631 views)
Don
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 7:27pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Seat Filler Conspiracy by Chuck Ziegler (Ziggy26) - Comedy, Heist, Rom Com - When a group of friends , who have fallen on hard times, discover that one of them is the exact double of a famous up and coming starlet, they become seat fillers at the upcoming Oscars to kidnap the actress and steal her multi-million dollar jewels. 101 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (5 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  June 24th, 2015, 8:44pm
revised draft
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
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Wow! Was so excited to see my latest screenplay posted but there is a HUGE error in the title! I can not imagine I presented it that way in the "Title" request but if I had I am HOPING it can be changed to its real title. It's not Screen Filler Conspiracy, but Seat Filler Conspiracy. What do I need to do as I feel MANY will not even look past the title seeing it not correctly done. Thanks for any help in this matter! Chuck
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bert
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ChuckZiegler
Wow! Was so excited to see my latest screenplay posted but there is a HUGE error in the title! I can not imagine I presented it that way in the "Title" request but if I had I am HOPING it can be changed to its real title. It's not Screen Filler Conspiracy, but Seat Filler Conspiracy. What do I need to do as I feel MANY will not even look past the title seeing it not correctly done. Thanks for any help in this matter! Chuck


Done.  We aims to please.

Personally, I would have hyphenated that title.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 9:15pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the VERY quick correction Bert! Big relief. As for hyphenating Seat Filler, I will give that some very serious thought. As for anyone who will take the time and effort to read and critique, I must point out that the first time the character Charley speaks I have her listed as "Charlene" and that correction will be made immediately. Crazy how I have read this screenplay so many times and NEVER caught that! But please let me know what else I need to work on and I will take all criticism with an open mind. Thanks! Chuck
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Leegion
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 9:30pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Chuck,

I'll give this a once-over for you.  Post some notes, etc.

In the meantime, slither around the boards and sink your teeth into a few scripts.  Might get you more reads in the long run.

Lee
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: July 30th, 2013, 11:38pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Leegion


In the meantime, slither around the boards and sink your teeth into a few scripts.  Might get you more reads in the long run.


Take his advice.  This is the advice I was given when I joined.  It works.  It's the advice every new member is given when they join.  Those who do take the advice get to know people and get some return reads, those that don't... well...

I see you've already post a couple screenplays...

Curt


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: July 31st, 2013, 11:57am Report to Moderator
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[quote=Leegion]Hey Chuck,

In the meantime, slither around the boards and sink your teeth into a few scripts.  Might get you more reads in the long run.

Will do Lee! Only been on SS a week and VERY surprised to see that 2 of my 3 screenplays have been posted already. I have read and responed to 3 others already, so we'll see were that gets me. I am spending today reading a couple more (a do-nothing day here in NYC) and look forward to many more. Thanks for taking the time to go over whatever you can go over. As for it being listed under "comedy", that's where I may get hurt. There wasn't a HEIST or DRAMEDY category to choose. There are "funny" moments in it, but not a flat out comedy. Chuck
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: August 5th, 2013, 11:07pm Report to Moderator
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For anyone thinking of giving this a read, I apologize upfront for my title page not showing up. This will be corrected as well as the proper title to the screenplay. It is Seat Filler Conspiracy, not Screen Filler Conspiracy.
I also want to state that the "celebrities" used in the screenplay are MY choice of who I see but very easily can be played by many actors working today. Hope you enjoy and please give any critiques that will help a rookie out. I have read several others myself and have given what I felt were positive feedback with a few "suggestions" thanks! Chuck
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Leegion
Posted: August 5th, 2013, 11:20pm Report to Moderator
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Damn, I was meant to read this over the weekend but I got bogged down with stuff.

I'll get to it this weekend.  Sorry for the delay, man.
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: August 8th, 2013, 12:27pm Report to Moderator
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Still waiting for the "revised" version to show up. Should be soon (fingers crossed) and also want to point out that I did not give "ages" to my characters as I feel they could be played by a wide age range and didn't want to pinpoint it down to a specific age for each character. If this is not acceptable, I am sure I will hear about it in ay critiques I am given. Thanks!  
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: September 30th, 2013, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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Worked some more on this one (of 3 I have posted so far) and will. E doing the same with the other 2 soon. I've really enjoyed reading some good (and a few not so good) on here and definitely plan on reading more! Any suggestions would great to those that may be of interest. Thanks!
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Forgive
Posted: September 30th, 2013, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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Looks like a decent piece. Log-line needs some work on it - I'd cut it down some. Nicely set up overall - lots of characters to get through, but they seem to have some dimension to them - I take it your going for ensemble rather than a key character? Over-written here and there, but pretty minor, and some bits of tell rather than show "... lifeless hair always pulled back ..." But a nice vibe to it, none-the-less. Didn't read so far in, but I'm tempted some now. Not sure how you'd get away with the A list cameos, though?
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: September 30th, 2013, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks SiColl007 for taking some time to attempt getting through this and ANY critiques/suggestions will be taken with an open mind. I'm pretty new at this and really hope this forum will help me only to improve. As for the "A-list" cameos....the celebrities I have in the screenplay of course are my "dream cast" and they could be played by a wide range of stars in the business. I could imagine even "look a likes" could be used since the cameos are so small. Thanks again for the positive feedback!
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vancety
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I’m an amateur but until now I like:

*The dialog;
* the action lines, short and crisp;
* could not find unfilmables until now.

But I’m afraid there is already too much pipe… Try to state the theme before page 12, even when it’s already is stated in the screenplays  title.

That’s probably why until know the story does not really grab me.

Page 1
a)
“FEMALE ANNOUNCER (O.S.) Stay tuned, Oscars for best documentaries will be presented after a musical tribute to directors.”

If the female announcer is in the same room as the Orchestra but off camera you use
(O.S) ,  if she is in another room you (already) use (V.O.)

b)
“well build” to “well-build”

c)
Is it realistic that a star is seated next to a nobody at the Oscars?

Page 2

CAP Christopher

Page 6

a)
“suppose” to “supposed”

b)

BACK TO LOFT
Personally I would use
INT. LOFT CONDO – CONTINUES

Page 7

CHRISTOPHER Yeah, things are getting a bit tough. Spike here losing his touring gig and me being cut off from my parents for not becoming the lawyer they wanted.

A bit ‘on the nose’.

Page 9

ON THE TELEVISION Random shots of celebrities fill the screen.

CHARLEY (O.S.)
(excited)
Oh my god. No way. Look, look who Carol Ann is sitting next to.

Carol Ann leans in close to an A-List actresses’ shoulder to get in camera view and waves.

SPIKE (O.S.)
She looks amazing Christopher, that dress you made for her is a winner.

BACK TO THE BED

I’m not sure if you should use INTERCUT WITH in this occasion.

Page 11

INT. MOVIE STUDIO PROP ROOM – DAY
Becomes
INT. MOVIE STUDIO - PROP ROOM – DAY

Page 13
SUPER: “SIX MONTHS LATER”
Where’s the new  HEADER with which this SUPERIMPOSE goes? INT. ?
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ChuckZiegler
Posted: June 29th, 2015, 2:40pm Report to Moderator
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First and foremost...taking the time to read/skim any screenplay on here takes time and I appreciate your taking time to do so.

Secondly...what you have done for me is EXACTLY what this forum is all about.

Now, to address your "issues". The several "grammical/proper formatting" mistakes were so great to have pointed out! They have been corrected already.

Page 1)
A: the female announcer is in the auditorium, just not seen, so "O.S." Would be more appropriate to use than a "V.O." that was speaking over a scene or an inner thought.
C: Seat fillers are used to fill ANY and ALL seats regardless of who that seat is next to as told by someone who has actually done this.  

Page 7)
The "on the nose" statement can be worked to not be so on the nose, but am struggling with how to quickly/briefly let the reader know that Spike and Christopher are struggling also.

Page 9)
The characters talk over what is being shown on the television, so "Intercut" would not be used in this situation IMO.

As for there not being much done/said to give the reader an idea of what may be forcoming, I thought I have mentioned enough subtle hints throughout. I.E. All 4 are getting into debt fast and deep...Carol Ann is already a seat filler and Charley makes a comment that they all should do it next year...the mentioning of the worth of the jewels being worn, Terry saying Charley would be wearing some soon after Spike mentions what he would do with those millions...It's brought up that Charley should be up on that stage/an actress.

Everyone reads/sees something different when reading whether it's a book, play, screenplay. I know it's the writers duty to make it as clear as possible as soon as possible and being new to this will surely take a while to get to a point where I can get that point across. Your help with the errors was awesome and I thank you again.

        
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