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Hey Zack, I'll definitely give this a read tonight... I don't know if this will make you jealous, a modified version of my short The Camper is being used in the horror Anthology 'The Macabre' that has Grandpa from the original TCM in it. He isn't in my short but one of the other stories lol..... heck if I never sell a screenplay I can always have bragging rights with that.... maybe lol..... The original toxic avenger Mark Torgi is in my one lol.
That's so awesome, Kirsten! Congrats! I'm super jelly. lol Can't wait to hear more about that project. Also, how is your feature coming along? Last we talked, you were still hard at work on it. Hope I get to read it soon.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this script. I believe I've come up with a fun and nasty chainsaw flick.
Like the image of a flash of the camera bulb revealing a decomposed corpse.
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Good imagery of the corpse. Disturbing stuff.
I think the FADE TO: transition should be DISSOLVE TO:? Not sure. Never seen FADE TO: be used to as a transition before, but what do I know!
“Scenic countryside”? Oh please, Texas is NOT scenic in the least bit. Flat and boring! ;P
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I think you should introduce the MAN as Chuck right away.
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Chuck mouthing the words “It’s okay” I think should be written in the action lines versus making it dialogue since he doesn’t actually say it. It’s an action that he’s doing instead of literally saying it.
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What’s this twitch that Chuck does but plays it off by scratching his neck? I’m curious.
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Amy’s response to Chuck’s color game had me chuckling.
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I think you should mention that there’s a kid in the road, before Chuck points it out in his dialogue.
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I don’t know if the flash of the bulb would cause too much ruckus during the day time. If it were nighttime outside and she did that, that would probably be more logical. Kind of like driving at night with the interior lights on, it makes it hard to see. So when their eyes are adjusted to the nighttime, and she takes the photo with the flash, THEN they could freak out.
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otherside should be “other side”
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outragous should be “outrageous”
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Cook’s dialogue, “An they” should be “and* they”
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I’ve got a bad feeling about this BBQ…
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Amy’s concern about the hitchhiker following them might be a stretch. She’s a young girl whom they kicked out of the car miles away from where they are now. I would think, a couple miles at least. Also, how does the hitchhiker know where they are?
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Chuck is officially an idiot. Picking up hitchhikers and investigating an old farmhouse after his daughter clearly said that there was blood and bad things happening. How has he made it this far in life!? AND he takes his son with him!?
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It’s nighttime. Why aren’t Lisa and Amy worried about where Chuck and Brandon are if it’s been this long?
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Now Lisa is going to investigate!? Sorry dude, but these characters are dumber than a sack of rocks! Amy seems to be the only level-headed person of this family. Survival of the fittest, amirite?
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I would have sincerely hoped Amy would’ve ran to the station wagon rather than the old farmhouse, but alas.
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Breath should be Breathe
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Wait, Brandon just said his legs can barely move yet he charges Leatherface. We need a little consistency here.
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Pretty fucked that Amy has to dig through her mother’s mutilated corpse to find the keys.
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Damn! Amy just jumped out the second story window and she’s still able to move like that?? Maybe have her roll down the roof before dropping to the ground to kind of help break her fall?
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Haha, I’m sorry, but I laughed when the Cook just spins the hitchhiker around and backhands her too after doing the same thing to Amy.
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“Texas IS Hell” You’ve got that right! Hahaha
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Officer #1 PEEKS (not peak). Same with page 81.
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As he FALLS to his knees (missing word)
Love the Dawn of the Dead 2004-esque ending credits sequence. Good stuff.
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This was a wild ride. Tons of fun, gore, and violence. Definitely was not disappointed by this, coming from you, Zack.
Whilst there were some really stupid decisions made by our characters, in the end they get their comeuppance (and what’s a horror movie without stupid decisions that leads characters to their deaths?). It moved the story forward and without those decisions, there would be no movie.
I like the homage to the original TCM—the old hippie van in the car graveyard, the dinner table scene. This is a good reimagining (if you want to call it that) of the original TCM. Really scary stuff, really brutal and violent scenes.
It’s a shame Ollie died, but I wouldn’t expect anything else from you. That part was a shock, I actually said aloud, “Oh shit!” When they got hit by the SUV. And poor Sean! ;P
While this script could use a bit of cleaning up, I can tell you worked real hard on all of this. Great chase scenes too, really dragged them out and I was getting tired while reading (in a good way), as if I were getting tired with Amy as she just kept running and running and running. Damn, she’s got the adrenaline of all humans combined together!
Let me know if I need to touch on anything else, Zack. This is a great fan script and I can totally see it being added to the TCM franchise if it were ever picked up. Though, the song usages in the script would set your budget way high, however this would be fun to watch on the big screen.
Hey Zack, yep I'm chipping away at that feature ....I'm up to page 22 on your script and i've really enjoyed what I've read so far. Organic, great atmosphere and characterization. Looking forward to reading the rest.
"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....
Hey Zack, yep I'm chipping away at that feature ....I'm up to page 22 on your script and i've really enjoyed what I've read so far. Organic, great atmosphere and characterization. Looking forward to reading the rest.
Looking forward to hearing what you think about the nastier parts of the script.
Thanks, Don. There's a typo in the title on the thread page. No big deal.
With this new draft, I put a lot of focus on improving each of the characters and really trying to make them each feel like real people. Made some minor and a few major changes throughout. Figure I might as well admit that I'm also planning a sequel to this one. So look forward to reading that in the future.
All you hardcore chainsaw fans out there... This one is for you!
First off, I don't think I've reviewed a feature for eight or nine years. Not since the early days of Amazon Studios and the great script exchange era with all eyes on the $20,000 monthly contest prize. Back in the day I was doing three to four script swags a week, and taking them seriously, expressing my thoughts with other like-minded writers. But it's been a while since I've been an active member here on the boards. Apologies if I ramble on.
Before reading the first page of TCM 97, I wonder if people are as tired of Leatherface (and the countless sequels) as most are of Michael Myers. This didn't stop me, however, from attempting two fan pics of my own. Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends. I guess what it all boils down to is...does this script honor the legacy of the original? Does this script respect the simplicity and slow burn terror from the 1974 film? Does it fully understand and embrace the mounting sense of dread and deliberate pace that make it a classic?
Writing a successful TCM movie is a tall task to ask anyone, as everything that made the original so great was mainly due to slick camera work, Daniel Pearl's lighting, Hooper's camera direction. What I'd really like to see with your script is a strong sense of visuals. As opposed to the Halloween or Elm Street franchise, I'm not terribly interested in the Sawyer family history or Leatherface's upbringing.
IMO, there are two strong films in this franchise. The original and the 2003 remake. At the time, the remake was the first of its kind. A super, hyper kinetic Michael Bay style horror re imagining. It started a new trend in horror and, at the time, was an original take and direction. What followed was a slew of crappy remakes that attempted that same style: The Omen, Hills Have Eyes, Halloween, Last House, Friday 13th, etc. The remake at least had that great performance by R. Lee Ermey, as well as Andrew Brynarski giving a fresh take on Leatherface. This was quickly ruined just two years later with Ermey just screaming profanities and torturing people. This worked once as it was the first decent sequel in thirty years but this one felt rushed. Too soon after the remake and a mere imitation of that movie.
So, for me, Texas Chainsaw is a franchise about visual storytelling, mounting dread and suspense. I can see this as a difficult task as there's only so many ways to describe sun hitting the pavement or a mad man chasing a woman through the woods. But bringing a fresh perspective isn't always a good thing. Texas Chainsaw 2022. Wtf was that???
So, did you embrace the strongest elements of this franchise and hone them into a somewhat original work?
Here are my thoughts as I read along...
"Sweltering heat in peace" made me lol. Good line.
Okay, so a couple pages in and this is truly a remake set in 1997. Almost beat for beat, and in some cases, line for line. Ernest is simply repeating Papa Sawyer's dialogue from the original. The old man at the graveyard saying "I see things". Chuck talking about the old slaughterhouse a la Franklin Hardesty. Sort of getting a Gus Van Zant's Psycho vibe with this one.
Brandon is sort of funny so far. "I was just getting a good sweat going". Great line. "She's crazy. And crazy never makes sense. That's why it's crazy". Good character. I like some of the humor you have peppered in here in places. I laughed out loud at some of the opening station wagon stuff. I would personally like it if you kept that style consistent throughout and dropped the syrupy sweet sentiment between the family. Some of it reads false. At one point, Lisa is busting Chuck's balls, and the next, she's holding his hand and smiling. Inconsistent. It's hot and miserable. Keep them at each other's throats.
Brandon should be Amy's foil. Keep Amy a hard nut to crack. She's sort of rebellious. Is she acting out? She have a crappy home life? She's our protagonist and we need to connect with her on a somewhat deeper level.
As far as the story, we've seen this all in the original, beat for beat. The flashing bulbs at the graveyard, the hitchhiker, the gas station. Right now, we're going through the motions, and for me, the script works best when you bring clever dialogue to the table. There's some great lines in here and would help if you kept that consistent. It would help differentiate your script from the other garbage sequels.
So far the Brandon/Amy dynamic should be the selling point of your movie. They're on a road trip they don't wanna be on. Their parents are lame. They give each other shit. Brandon should be her counterpoint here. Keeping her in check, and vice versa. I'd like more character moments between Brandon and Amy. Or Amy and her mother. Or Chuck and Lisa. Something to suggest there are unresolved issues within this family that will make their deaths that much more impactful.
Yet I also understand your need to keep this script around 90 pages or so. Most of these type films wear out their welcome at about 100 minutes. So you need to get the most out of that family dynamic early on. It could be as simple as a few lines of dialogue. A brief exchange that suggests a rift between them. Why is Amy so difficult to deal with? Maybe develop that further.
Chuck going to the farmhouse instead of calling the police is a bit much. I get that you explain later that he is the adventurous type, but he could be putting his family in danger, and Amy is clearly upset. Roger could be a killer as far as he knows. The fact that this is the second time Roger has interacted with the family should be their first clue.
And speaking of Roger...
After seeing him at the farmhouse I started thinking how unique it would be if Roger were The Hitchhiker instead of Mary. Why not a mysterious character who is quiet, doesn't speak much, doesn't let on why he is in town or where he's headed. Imply early on that he may be a Hooper. Then throw the audience a curve when they discover he is Heather's brother. Instead, we get a carbon copy of the original. We know Mary will show up later at the farmhouse to torture Amy, the sole survivor.
Maybe Roger could pop up at the Harmon house like a looming presence Amy finds watching them from the woods. Instead, Amy just coincidentally runs into him at the Hooper house. We know that she will be sent to get help and Roger will get hung on a meat hook and cut to pieces. No surprise there.
The set up and the kills. They are beat for beat EXACTLY like the original. The metal sheet door. Brandon slipping on the feathers. Chuck's death. Amy and Lisa cutting through the woods and hearing the snapping of twigs. You know Lisa will be cut to pieces at any moment. Anyone who has seen the original will know the exact moment these characters will die.
What was a real pleasure to read was your clearly defined sense of visual storytelling as this was a story told in real time, and felt like it was unfolding in real time. To pull this off, your lines of action and description need to be so sharp, they pull the reader along smoothly where pages fly by and you never lose a sense of time and place. You do this about as strong as anyone I've ever read. I'd much rather see these skills be put to use in an original work.
Great descriptions. Great visuals. Strong use of sound effects add tension and suspense. Some cute lines here and there. Good sense of humor that should've been more consistent. Underdeveloped characterizations and family dynamic. And Roger being kept more of a mystery I believe is a missed opportunity in what most would agree is a very tired franchise out of steam.
With all that aside, this is a strong piece of visual storytelling and should be studied as a template for writing gripping action in a horror film.
I was just thinking that Roger could be introduced to the audience as a character searching for his wife Heather. Maybe he mentions this as he's picked up by The Harmons (if he were the hitchhiker) and he uses this angle to draw The Harmons back to the Hooper house later on in the story. He's NOT Heather's brother but Ernest's oldest son. This would be a very satisfying twist as you could set him up as a sympathetic character who, in a series of carefully plotted out events, slowly leads The Harmons down a dark path.
So, apparently, I found Roger the most intriguing character. But at the same time underutilized.
- I have to say the family dynamic is an interesting approach as opposed to how all the Texas Chainsaw movies just have a group of friends instead.
- Honestly, I feel like it retreads the original TCM too much, especially early on, down to nearly the same dialogue, and the same kills, excluding the quick opening sequence with Ollie/Heather
- I appreciate that time is taken to get to really know the characters, but some scenes/dialogue could be trimmed or removed entirely to make the script flow better, especially in the first 25 pages or so.
- The inclusion of a Smash Mouth song in the script is by far the scariest thing I've ever seen in any Texas Chainsaw media. I know it's 1997 but STILL...okay nevermind it doesn't really matter.
- I like the suspense building in the script, like how we don't even see Leatherface in the beginning, we only hear his chainsaw, and he doesn't appear until MANY pages later.
- Roger kind of feels pointless as a character. I feel like he could be removed entirely. He randomly appears midway through (besides a small appearance earlier on) explains his story, and then dies immediately afterwards. I think Leatherface killing someone should have been saved for one of the Harmon family members since it would be alot more impactful. Maybe instead of Roger telling Amy his story, Amy could see a glimpse of Leatherface doing something fucked up in the distance, but she can't really make it out. Like how in Jeepers Creepers they see the Creeper putting bodies into that pipe.
- I like the spin on the ending of the original TCM where Amy gets "saved" and is screaming hysterically while Leatherface does his chainsaw dance, only for it to be revealed she is far from saved.
- Leatherface doesn't strike me as the type of guy to listen to Depeche Mode. Strikes me more as a Jimmie Rodgers or Hank Williams guy. Well...this is a alternate universe 90s Leatherface so actually I suppose it fits.
- I do think you took a interesting approach with Leatherface and his family here. In the original, they were SOMEWHAT sympathetic. But in this version Leatherface is downright nefarious, squealing with delight as he chainsaws someone.
- As for the ending, I feel like the bit with the police officers is unnecessary. Just feels out of place with the rest of the script. The rest of the ending, I'm fine with.
Overall I'd rate the script 6.5/10. It's a nice read but not anything special. Leagues above Texas Chainsaw 3D and Next Generation, that's for sure. I can totally envision it as a direct-to-video 90s movie in a alternate universe where Dimension Films got the rights to TCM and sent it to direct to video hell like they did with Hellraiser and Children of the Corn...which could have happened since they were offered the rights before the 2003 remake was made but passed on it.
Thanks for the reads and reviews, Eric and Zachary. Happy to hear that, for the most part, you both enjoyed the read. Sorry for the late response. Life's been crazy lately.
Really appreciate you both reading this. I'll be back to touch on your notes in more detail soon.
First off, I tried really hard to read Wired. I didn’t make it to page 3 which you can consider a professional compliment. I just don’t do the genre. I’m too big of a wimp. If I saw that in a theater I would be out of there, in my car, doors locked and under a blanket.
This story I could take. The opening, as violent as it was, was considerably heartbreaking. It pulled me in. As much as I wished I could put it down, I couldn’t.
There was a part where I yelled at my screen, “Listen to Amy!” It reminded me of the GEICO commercial with the Chain Saw Man.
Even though I am aware that it is common practice to freshen the terror just when we think it’s safe, I was still routinely caught off guard with your twists. At no point in time did I find myself thinking, “Figures.” or “I know what is coming next.” I had to cheat and look at the page count before I could feel safe. To be honest, even that didn’t help. I found myself at the credits cringing and thinking, “Oh, come on! Please let me out of this! I don’t think I can take any more!”
Anyway, nice job. I did spot a couple of things I thought were typos.
On Page 3 near the bottom before the FADE TO: “… pecks away at the rotten flash on its face.” Correct me if I’m wrong but I think you meant flesh.
On Page 16 about 20 lines down (including spaces) reads: “Mary, who is seated just beside her. She” I think there may be something missing here.
Page 81 about 11 lines (including spaces) from the bottom reads “…smashes in down on top of Leatherface’s foot.” I think you meant to say "...smashes it down...".
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TCM '97 (was The 1997 Texas Chain Saw Massacre)
Also, how is your feature coming along? Last we talked, you were still hard at work on it. Hope I get to read it soon. 
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