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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The August Challenge  ›  August/September Challenge: Episode One Moderators: Scar Tissue Films
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  Author    August/September Challenge: Episode One  (currently 1043 views)
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 4th, 2019, 3:57am Report to Moderator
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This thread is for continued discussions on the writing of the Pilot episode.

I've cleaned up the cast list, and added names where there were none. There is a bit of disagreement over the name/race of the blind man. Gary suggested a Muslim man called Nasim, I've made him Afro-Caribbean for now and made Nasim a Doctor in the Hospital (just because I didn't want a good Muslim man going into the pub!).

UPDATED CAST LIST.

CHARACTERS MAKING THEIR WAY TO THE PUB IN DRAMATIC OPENING:

GEORGE PRESCOTT (26), recent geology graduate is on a date with Kim Libby. George is soon heading to Cornwall to work in the re-opening tin mine. His grandfather was a miner, but George will be working in a lab.

Character Arc: Falls into a coma from his head injury.

KIM LIBBY  (22) . Buddhist. Asian American, in the UK on a work Visa.

Character Arc: Must decide whether to leave George in the Hospital, or leave him and go with the main group.

OLIVIA HIGSON (10).  Lost child. Her parents are seriously injured in a crash. She crawls from the wreckage, miraculously unhurt.  Represents  the child's innocent view and completes the age groups. Plot...trying to re-unite her with her parents.

Character Arc:

DOUGLAS CLARKE (66): Afro-Caribbean. Dapper Man. Optimistic. Blind man with his guide dog.  Represents the blind in the story...unaffected by the fog as he can't see it.

Character Arc: Helps people get around in the Fog. Dies at some point in the future.


CHARACTERS PRESENT IN THE PUB.

HUGH MCCALL(56): Scottish. Husband of JANE MCCALL, the Main Character: Former Police Officer. Pub landlord. He's older than his wife and not the action man he once was...bought the pub after taking early retirement from the Police at 55.

Starting to worry he's getting too old for his wife. Particularly as she's got a younger, male partner...

Character Arc: Dramatic change in personality.

ABIGAIL MCCALL  (19).  (Abs for short due to her physique?). Daughter of JANE AND HUGH MCCALL. Royal Armoured Corps. Always been very sporty and athletic. Loud, outspoken, confident. She's working behind the bar to assist her Father while on leave from the Army. She will get called up by the Military and sent to protect a Hydroponic community that the Government/Military are installing. Her family will later join her.  Represents Military POV.

Character Arc: Becomes part of a Military group that is violent, and interested in self preservation.


MELVIN  O'DONELL,(54), bus driver, divorced. A regular, someone who knows the city well and knows people along his route. Leaves the pub to try to find his son along with his ex-wife? Represents Working Class man. Socialism. Maybe a little bit racist? Got common sense, but not a lot of education and has no real way of evaluating what's true or not true in terms of the science, psychology, economics etc.

He's driving the Bus involved in the initial crash.

Character Arc:


PATRICIA CROSBY (36): Female. Lifestyle guru/Business consultant. Control freak. Haughty. Aggressive.  Extremely Right Wing viewpoints, both socially and financially. Thinks lefties are all communists and layabouts. Slowly goes insane. Represents the Right wing  politically, and the Economy in General.

Character Arc: Slowly gets depressed. Her way has ended. Killed or commits suicide.

CLIVE ADLER (46): Jewish. Psychologist/Hardcore Drunk. Very adamant that the effects of the fog are all Psycholgical. But is having doubts about his own state of mind. Lost his wife tragically some years before. He's one of the people that becomes affected by the fog. Starts to imagine that his wife is in the fog after hearing similar reports from people on the radio. Goes off to look for her?  Represents the psychological effect of the fog and the rational explanation of psychological phenomenon.

Character Arc:

WAYLON BARTON (30): The Antagonist. Socially reclusive, highly intelligent. Independent wealth. He's  just stopped by to get a quick meal. He's alone in a secluded corner, working on his laptop. He leaves quite quickly. Doesn't like the people there. Writing a novel/treatise on life and records his thoughts on phone/Dictaphone.  Represents Logic/Reason taken to inhuman extremes. Force of antagonism, the changing of all things in a Material sense.

Character Arc: Becomes obsessed with the Fog and becomes its Servant. Rises to become Leader of a gang of Prisoners.

ELDERLY COUPLE (79 and 81). The kind of  couple that were childhood sweethearts and are still madly in love even though they're in their late 70's/early 80's. Represent the elderly and people who need medicine to keep them alive.

PETER FOGLE:  Old man on insulin for Diabetes.
MARJORIE FOGLE: Asthma sufferer. The effects of  the Fog are very hard on her body.  

Character Arcs: (Marjorie will die during the invasion from Manchester City Centre, Peter will not wish to go on without her, but he may make a surprising, heartfelt return).



LATER ARRIVALS FROM THE FOG

MICHAEL MCCALL(15): Son of JANE MCCALL and HUGH MCCALL and sister of ABIGAIL MCCALL. Rebellious. Attracted to some of the more extreme ideas. Long term, Leans toward the teachings of antagonist.

One of his best friends is a friend of local gang leader, Freddie. So he's attracted to that crowd.  Represents impressionability of young, conflict with authority. The changing times...the future will be different than the imagined one and he'll have to decide for himself the best way to face it. Starts the series lost in the fog after being truant from school.

Character Arc: Is one of the characters affected by the Fog. Becomes opposed to his parents.

DAVID MORTON (28 ): Someone unusually susceptible to the psychological effects of the fog. The schizophrenic character Frank worked on.  Represents the Mental Health issues people will face as medicines run dry. Perception, and the way humans see things and how that can be altered and how reality is only a kind of mass, shared hallucination.

Character Arc: Has to learn to cope with his condition in a world without medicine.

FATHER PHILIP CAHILL (47) Catholic. A hard drinking, chain smoking, but deeply spiritual man.

Character Arc: Going  to attempt to lead his congregation to a place above the fog to start a community at some point. Represents the Theological/Spiritual side.

BARBARA PIERCE, (50). Church of England. Knows Freddie and his friends from school. Suspended Freddie. They despise each other. Melvin's ex-wife, comes looking for him when she can't get a hold of their 20 year old son RUPERT PIERCE soon after the fog hits.  Represents the Scientific side. Explanations.

Character Arc: Dies during invasion in Episode 5.

FREDDIE COLLINS (22): Local gang leader, piece of shit, drug addict, thief, hooligan, probably killed someone but he won't say for sure. Despite being a rogue, he is fiercely loyal and highly charismatic, in his own way.

Character Arc: Becomes the leader of a gang of amoral misfits.

Freddie's Gang.  Represent the criminal/amoral element of society. The underbelly ready to cause chaos.

NICK PORTER (18 ) Son of JANE MCCALL'S PARTNER, ANTHONY PORTER. Rebelling against his father's strict worldview and authority. Big influence on MICHAEL MCCALL.

STEVEN COLLINS (17): Freddie's brother. Even more crazy as a way of proving himself to his older brother.

(These characters start to cause trouble locally, and become increasingly Feral as the story progresses. In some ways their chaotic nature and amorality give them an advantage over others as society breaks down).


JANE MCCALL (44): Main Character. Police Officer: Agnostic. Strong leader. Represents Control vs Chaos. How to stop humanity falling into chaos.

Character Arc:

ANTHONY PORTER (37): Jane's Partner. Ex-Military. Authoritarian. Younger, good looking Partner. HAs some trauma from his Military past and when he starts drinking, loses some control. Has a tempestuous relationship with his son, NICK PORTER. Jane's Husband, HUGH MCCALL is a little bit insecure about him.

Character Arc: Dies a surprising death.

THE HOSPITAL

DOCTOR NASIM HUSSAIN (40). Muslim.
NURSE ANEESHA SINGH (24) Sikh.



PEOPLE ACCESSED THROUGH THE PUB

News Reporters on TV and other announcements (including World Events, and lead in to COBRA storyline).

WOLFMAN JACK style, Local Radio guy, through radio from upstairs or from people's phones. Becomes the Voice of Hope amidst the Fog. Very slowly descends into insanity and depression and kills himself on air.

Chara

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Scar Tissue Films  -  September 5th, 2019, 3:14am
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SETTING: MOORSIDE ROAD, DAVYHULME.

Essential Geography of scene:

Garrick's Head pub on corner of a junction.
The Hospital 200 yards down the road, opposite a series of shops and a small supermarket.
Golf course directly opposite the pub.
Residential properties all around.

STORY.

Open on: George and Kim driving. Talking.
Traffic moving quickly.
There's a couple of cars and a Bus ahead of them (driven by Melvin).
Dramatic Appearance of Fog.
Sounds of a huge crash and metal tearing as a car turning right from a road  to their right is hit by the bus being driven by Melvin.
The car is flipped and trapped under the bus.

Other cars hit, or are shunted into the crashed vehicles.
Brake! Too late.
George smashes his head on the dashboard.This is an old car, without airbags.
George Prescott and Kim drive straight into the back of another car that has already crashed. Its a huge pile up.
There are many injured.
Lots of screaming and shouts for help.
Kim calls an amubulance and is told they will get there as fast as they can.
They ask her if George is conscious.
He is. They tell her to stay where she is.
Kim says they should wait in the car for the Ambulance, but George wants to get out of the fog and the car. He's worried that another car will hit them from behind.
Kim helps George from the car.
He's gone a bad head wound.
They have no idea where they are. The fog is too disorientating.
People in the fog are screaming in fear and pain.
No-one knows what's going on. Lots of cries for help.


CUT TO JANE:

Jane and her partner are nearby in their squad car.
Dispatch tells them about the crash on Moorside Road (where the Garrick's Head pub is).
They put their sirens on and their flashing blue lights and make their way there.
Most other cars pull over to the side of the road for safety, and to let them pass.
They get to the scene of the accident. It's bad.
Numerous cars involved in the pile up.
They head over to check on the victims and to close the road off.

Jane's Partner, ANTHONY PORTER calls dispatch recommends Emergency crews and closing roads due to the fog.  
Dispatch this is Officer PORTER. There's a pile up on Moorside Road. Need to get Emergency Services out here and shut the roads down.
He offer to block the road.
Jane's Partner takes the car and closes off the end of the road, leaving the car parked across the entrance with it's flashing lights.
He takes some bollards and lights from the trunk/boot and runs back as best he can to close off the other road before more accidents occur.

Jane goes to the car trapped under the Bus.
Two people in the car are still alive, but unconscious.
There's a little girl there's also..Olivia, Calling to her mummy and daddy who are the ones people in the car.
Are these your parents? Yes. Ok, you just stand back, I'm going to help them.
The bus driver, Melvin, is traumatised. He's told to stand aside. He's babbling about the fog and how he couldn't see. It wasn't his fault. They drove straight out.
Jane calls Dispatch and makes them aware of how bad the situation is and that they need to deal with it.
Dispatch: We're getting calls from everywhere, I don't know when we can be there.
The girl wanders off into the fog.
Jane hasn't got the time to go after her.
A fire has started.
Jane calls to her Partner for a fire extinguisher.

CUT BACK TO GEORGE AND KIM.

George and Kim make their way blindly to wherever they can.
There are confused people passing them in the street.
Some overheard conversations about the fog, Foreshadowing that the fog effects some people.
George and Kim struggle to the side of the road.
And come across the young girl who has been separated from her parents. She's crying.
What's your name, Honey?
Olivia. Olivia Higson.
Where are your parents?
I couldn't wake them up.
Were they in the car? She nods.
What should we do? They take the girl with them, though they have no idea where they're going themselves.
An older blind man, DOUGLAS, meets them and offers to guide them towards the pub he goes to every day. His guide dog leads them all there. There's a Pub just ahead. The Garrick's Head.
We'll call the Police from the Pub and get the Ambulance to come there.

CUT BACK TO JANE:

Terrible situation.
The fire extinguisher has had little effect.
Gasoline is pouring from the car. Getting closer to the fire.
The fire is getting worse. This could go up at any time.
The family is still trapped under the car. .
The bus driver, Melvin, is traumatised and still babbling.
Jane again calls dispatch and checks the ETA of the Ambulance and Fire Services. They are not going to be here on time. They will have to deal with at best they can.

She shows her leadership skills by organising some people standing round to help.
She cuts the seat belts of the injured passengers.
And arranges for the standers by to help her pull the first injured people out on a count of three. She grabs the first injured person, then has the passers by pull her legs, so together they can drag them out.
They get the two passengers out, alive, but hurt/unconscious.
She orders everyone away from the buring wreckage before it explodes.
Her tone leaves no room for denial. Get back! Get back!
Everyone moves back to a safe distance, stumbling throguh the fog together.
A huge BOOM as the car explodes into fire.

She calls Dispatch. There's a big fire. Need to extinguish it in case it spreads.
We need help now!
We'll get there as fast as we can. It's Hell out here.

She still has the injured people to deal with.
She organises them all. Anyone who can walk, follow me.
She instructs the standers by who helped pull the injured out to carry the injured to the Hospital, which can't be seen, but is only a few hundred yards away.
They all go there, following Jane's Partner who is using his GPS.
They make it to the side wall of the Hospital and slowly make their way down to the Accident and Emergency Entrance.


CUT BACK TO:

George and Kim enter the Garrick's Head Pub, with Olivia, lead by the blind man, Douglas.
Kim shouts for help. George is injured.
Do you need an Ambulance?  We called one, but it wasn't safe to stay in the car.
The Landlord and his Daughter get towels to treat the accident victim.
Landlord: someone call the Ambulance.
Clive calls for an Ambulance, but is told there are none available and it will be some wait.
Kim telling everyone about how bad it is out there, there's been a huge crash. The Fog came out of nowhere.
They can see the fire from the window.
Reaction to that: People worried about families/friends.
Several characters make phone calls.
Some want to go out and make their way home, but are rapidly convinced it's a bad idea.
They will wait till the Fog clears.
Introductions: What are your names? I'm Kim, he's George. This man lead us here.
Landlord: Hi Douglas.
KIM: This is Olivia. She's lost her parents. (quietly.)I think they are in the crash.
Abigail says hello to the little girl and takes her away with her to find something less gruesome to occupy her time.
Landlord: The Hospital's just over the road. We can try and walk you over, if you like?
George: I just want to sit down for a minute.
They treat his wounds.
It looks nasty. You really need to get to the Hospital. You can't be too careful with head injuries.
He tells Kim to apply pressure to the wound.

The adviser on the phone says to keep George awake (medical advice..check for concussion etc).
Landlord doesn't think he looks great.
Melvin enters the Pub. He's in a state. I crashed, I crashed my bus. I hit someone.
I didn't know what to do. The Police left, I couldn't see anything. There was fire everywhere.
He remarks that in all his years of driving he's never seen fog like it.

Patricia: Are you sure it isn't a chemical leak? It's so thick. It might be a terrorist attack.
Landlord tells them to calm down it's just Fog.
Clive: We better close the windows, just in case.
Landlord: Probably not a bad idea.
Someone notices on the TV screen in the pub, that whichever sport was on has been abandoned due to the Fog.
It must be widespread across the country.

Daughter turns the channel on the TV to the News.
She yells for quiet.

TV CHANNEL

Breaking News about the Fog.
Hearing reports of major traffic incidents across the country.

MAIN STORY

Landlord I told you, it's just fog. Or do you think Terrorists have attacked the whole country?
Patricia: It could still be some kind of attack. Korea, or something.
Landlord: Give me a break.

Clive, the psychologist: Here look out the window, look at it. There's something not right about it. Can you see it?
Melvin: What the hell are you talking, about? It's just fog.
Clive: No, it's....
Melvin: It's what?
Clive: I don't know. Forget it.
WAYLON: No, I can see it as well. The way it moves...
Clive: Pareidolia. Human minds seeing shapes in things. Weird though.

Landlord: How's the patient doing?
George: I'm alright, just a bit dizzy.

Peter and Marjorie toddle over to the action.

Marjorie: I'll look after him. I was a Nurse in the second world war.
Landlord: Really?
Marjorie: No, not really young man. I'm not that old. The cheek of the young man, Peter!. Have you heard this, Peter? He's saying I'm ancient.
Peter: I heard. Terrible it is. Grey discrimination. Young people have no respect.
They both chuckle.
Marjorie: Alright,luvvie. What have you done, banged your head?
Kim: We had a car crash. He may have hit his head on the dashboard.
Marjorie: That's a bad business. We never crashed did we, Peter?
Peter: no, never.
Marjorie: We were always too careful.
Peter: I think we had better coordination than young folks these days, we had to do more with our hands.
Marjorie: That's right. Young folk sspend too long on their devices these days. They're not focused.
Peter: They're like Zombies.

They chuckle again.

Marjorie: Let's have a look at this.

SFX: Peeling off the wounds cover.

Marjorie: OOooh, that's nasty. You need to see the Hospital with that.
Kim: There are no Ambulances. And we don't know where it is.
Marjorie: It's only over the road. We can take him, can't we Peter?
Peter: I don't see why not.
You can't see out there.
Marjorie: It's only a bit of fog. We can handle it. Peter was a Frogman in the WOrld War, weren't you Peter?

He laughs.

Peter: That's right.

They check outsde...it's far too foggy to go.

Out of the fog, some figures loom.

Freddie and his gang enter the Pub.
Her orders drinks for himself and his friends.
Arguments begin because the Landlord and the regulars don't want him there.
Freddie refuses to leave. Look at it out there.
I don't care. I don't want you here.
Just serve us the drinks, fat lad.
The situation becomes hostile. Come on then, make me leave.
Husband doesn't want to get involved. Worried he might lose the fight and no-one else in the pub is willing to help.
Clive: Just serve them.
Freddie: Listen to your friend.
Landlord does.
Freddie: That's more like it.

CUT TO HOSPITAL:

Jane and her partner have made their way to the hopsital with the injured and the passers by.
JANE: I didn't want to move them, but the car was on fire and we didn't have a choice.
DOCTOR NASIM and NURSE ANEESHA make checks on the injured and whisk them away for treatment.
The passers by want to know what to do now. They don't know where they are. JANE MCCALL advises them to stay in the Hospital until the Fog clears and thanks them all for the help.


CUT TO PUB:

Freddie and his gang want more. Don't want to pay. In the spirit of local community, I reckon these should be on the house.
Freddie makes his way round the bar to serve himself and his friends when the Landlord refuses.
Landlord calls his wife, Jane. Our Police Officer.


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CUT TO HOSPITAL:

Mobile phone rings. It's her husband.
Tells her there's a problem with local gangs in the pub. Could turn nasty.
Can't you handle it?
(Pause) There's a few of them.
Alright, we'll be there when we can. Jesus Christ.

She calls dispatch.
Got an incident over at the Garrick's Head.
Isn't that your place?
Yeah.

They make their way through the fog.
More foggy weirdness.
Some strange incident with a passer by.

POSSIBILITY they meet David here, lost in the Fog and he wants to walk with them. He's disoriented.

Then they get to the Pub.


She and her Partner deal with Freddie.
Her partner's son is part of the gang they're facing.
Partner takes his Taser out.
She knows his address it's not far. A grown boy like you isn't scared of a little Fog, are you? Do you want me to hold your hand and walk you home?
Or hardcore: There are serious incidents going on , you either leave now in perfect health, or you leave with your face in pieces. It's up to you.
You can't say that.
Make a complaint to the Police Complaints Authority if you like. Once your wounds have healed.
Freddie laughs.

Here, have your pint back. He throws the glass behind the bar, shattering it.

Then leaves with his friends.
Jane's partner moves to get his son. Nick, get back here!
Jane: Leave it for now.

ON TV

Continuing with the breaking news about the fog.
Reports of major incidents across the country.
Major pile ups on M1, M60.
Government recommends people don't travel.
Stay where you are until the fog has passed.
Commercial flights delayed.
Schools Shut. Who parents should call if they are worried?

IN PUB:

Jane talks with husband and daughter.
Where's Michael?
Shit. He was at school. He must still be out there.
He tries calling.
No answer.
He's not answering.
Call the school.
Maybe they're all still there.
He calls the school.
Headmaster tells him that Michael wasn't in today.
Where the Hell is he?
She asks Abigail (Michael's sister, and her daughter) if she had any idea of where he is.
Reluctantly, she tells them that he sometimes goes to the Park after school. Chassen Park
Doing what?
What do kids like Michael do...watch stupid Youtube videos and try to smoke cigarettes.
Fuck.

She tells them to put all the lights on upstairs. Maybe stick some christmas lights out front, so that people, and Michael, who are lost in the fog can find their way here. .

People in the pub mention the injured man, George.
His condition has taken a turn for the worse. Looks like he's severely concussed after all. Losing consciousness.
She suggests they escort the injured guy over to the Hospital.
(George will go into a coma, leading to a choice Kim has to make to stay with him in the Hospital or leave him and go to attempted safety with the main gang.)

Dispatch is calling them back to work/for an update on the situation.
Car is out of action blocking the road to prevent further accidents.
Back up is on the way to deal with the situation.
Talks to them about her missing son.
They're getting a lot of calls from people worried about their families and from people trapped in the fog.
Does she have any ideas?
They could mark out the roads, major landmarks, maybe but radios out to tell people where they are.
Can they tell local media to run with it and get people putting up Christmas lights and to tell people to stay indoors as much as possible?
Does she think that's necessary? Surely the fog will go in a couple of hours?
Maybe.
Need to speak with the Meteorological guys, see when this is going to pass. Never seen anything like it.
They agree. They will keep her updated.
Meanwhile, they agree that she can go look for her son.


CUT TO OUTSIDE:

She and her partner help Kim and George across the road to the Accident and Emergency.

Ambulances and Police Vans go past, sirens screaming.

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BASIC CHRONOLOGY OF DAY ONE

For reference purposes: What's On TV. What people are discussing amongst themselves. How it affects their families.


Dramatic Appearance of Fog.
People outside or in cars, find themselves trapped in the fog.
Many car crashes, especially on the Motorways.
Local roads blocked from collisions.
Lot of people stranded in Airports, Supermarkets and on Roads.
People make their way blindly to wherever they can.


Foreshadowing that the fog effects some people.
TV. Government recommends people don't travel.
Police and Emergency crews lead the stranded to safety.
Police and Fire Brigade set up lights/beacons/radio systems to inform the populace whereabouts they find themselves.

TV. Commercial flights delayed.
TV. Schools Shut.
TV. Trains operational, but cancelled. Lot of people stranded in Train Stations.
People wondering how long it will last.
TV. News reporting that it's everywhere. By end of the day, reporters are giving updates from round the world.

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Plan of Action.


1. Expand the role of the Main Antagonist, WAYLON BARTON, enters the scene.

2. Fill in the blanks with the character list. Adding ways to make their voices distinctive, including where they are from and their world view and primary interests, to give them a distinctive speech pattern.

3. Suggesting character arcs, which can be very dramatic, and can also change back and forth over time. These only need to be very basic for now, but it will help to know where the characters are going so that we can add touches to the dialogue to prepare the ground for their changes. Also if we know someone is going to die, and we want it to be emotional, we know we have to make the audience care about the character, so it informs the way we write them early on.

When suggestions are made, I'll add them underneath the characters in the cast list.

4. Deciding who writes what.


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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Hell yeah! You're a machine, Rick. I've got tomorrow off, so I'll be staying up late tonight working on this bad boy.

Anyway we can start a group chat of some sort, just to help communication a bit?


MY RATING SYSTEM

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Discord is a multi-platform chat and file sharing app, for those not familiar with it. It might be good for something like this.

Lots to go through here. My time is limited this week but I'll keep pitching in where I can.


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Zack
Posted: September 4th, 2019, 9:18am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ReneC
Discord is a multi-platform chat and file sharing app, for those not familiar with it. It might be good for something like this.



I think we should definitely look into doing something like this. Anyone here familiar with discord?


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LC
Posted: September 4th, 2019, 10:16am Report to Moderator
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I've let Rick know I'm out of the writing bit unfortunately, but I'll still be keeping a keen eye on these threads and offering suggestions if I think they might be helpful, unless of course I'm told to butt out.  

I thought this might be helpful (below) in terms of both the podcast and script being available. It's good for viewing how sound and audio is written on the page.


https://www.finalrune.com/dark-passenger/

P.S. After searching around I can't believe how much Podcast stuff is out there now. The popularity, fiction & non-fiction is huge.


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Zack
Posted: September 4th, 2019, 11:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
I've let Rick know I'm out of the writing bit unfortunately, but I'll still be keeping a keen eye on these threads and offering suggestions if I think they might be helpful, unless of course I'm told to butt out.  

I thought this might be helpful (below) in terms of both the podcast and script being available. It's good for viewing how sound and audio is written on the page.


https://www.finalrune.com/dark-passenger/

P.S. After searching around I can't believe how much Podcast stuff is out there now. The popularity, fiction & non-fiction is huge.


I'm still gonna hound you for help later tonight.


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FrankM
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
DAVID MORTON (28 ): Someone unusually susceptible to the psychological effects of the fog. The schizophrenic character Frank worked on.  Represents the Mental Health issues people will face as medicines run dry. Perception, and the way humans see things and how that can be altered and how reality is only a kind of mass, shared hallucination.

Character Arc: Has to learn to cope with his condition in a world without medicine.


I had edited his little scene on the Google Doc, calling him David Lam so he'd be Asian according to Kham's idea that the doctor character would be racist.

Of course, the idea of having ONE take-him-or-leave-him doctor character doesn't really make sense if there's a whole hospital next door.

OK, I'll change it.


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Zack
Posted: September 4th, 2019, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Anyone wanna try to get a chat going somehow?


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Revision History (1 edits)
Zack  -  September 4th, 2019, 7:42pm
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LC
Posted: September 5th, 2019, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
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Looking through again Rick, I just want to add another suggestion - primarily about humour...

The fog is a high tension scenario, (to say the least) but knowing well Manc humour, might it be a good idea for some comic relief? One of the characters is quick with wit, a joke, always looking on the brightside - well placed of course and not overdone... Looking through the cast list everyone is a bit serious.

Suggest maybe Douglas, or Melvin?
And the DJ obviously, but that's usually a typical brand of wit verging on cynicism and sarcasm.

Just a thought...


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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 6th, 2019, 1:39am Report to Moderator
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I've got Douglas and Peter and Marjorie as the comic relief, so far.

Peter and Marjorie are somewhat OTT at the moment, but I just wanted to establish them as distinct characters, I'll tone it down later.


In the meantime I've started bulking out the story on Gary's Google Docs.
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hawkeye
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wondering what is happening at the moment.  Is Zack writing the first episode?  Or is that what Rick is doing in the Google doc?  Just wanted to get a handle on what's going on and see whether I should keep editing the Google doc or just wait for an update.

Also I found this link to an actual narrative podcast script (there is a further link down in the story):
https://www.reddit.com/r/audio.....es_pod_to_pluto_has/


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site

Revision History (1 edits)
hawkeye  -  September 7th, 2019, 9:40pm
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LC
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Posting this one again too FYI, Gary.
https://www.finalrune.com/dark-passenger/
Podcast & script. Good re format SFX.


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ReneC
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This is what I came up with when I took a stab at an opening. It's similar to the one linked but simplified for a rough draft.

The spacing is a bit off cutting and pasting it here, the dialogue should all be lined up.


Quoted Text

FOG - EPISODE 1



SFX:     Whispering wind (10 seconds).

SFX:     Car engine (background).

GEORGE:     A bit on your mind?

KIM:     Hmm? Oh, sorry. I just can't believe you're leaving next week.

GEORGE:     My mum worries I'll turn into a drunk like my granddad.

KIM:     Was he in Cornwall too?

GEORGE:     One of the true-blooded coal miners. You'll want to take this left.

SFX:     Car turn signal (3 seconds).

GEORGE:     See, you get used to driving on the left.

KIM:     It still feels wrong.

GEORGE:     You're doing great, Kim. It's a good thing the Manchester game hasn't let out. We'd be bumper to bumper. Have you been?

NARRATOR:     Kim peers out the windshield trying to make sense of what she's seeing. The lights of the cars ahead of her dim and vanish, as if swallowed by the night. The car's headlights suddenly flare, turning the world white.

KIM:     Oh my God! What do I do?

GEORGE:     Relax, it's just a bit of fog.

KIM:     A bit? I can barely see!

GEORGE:     Right. Try the headlights off, but keep the running lights on. There, that's better.

KIM:     (sarcasm) Oh, much better, George. I can just see the road now, thanks.

GEORGE:     Do you not have fog in California?

KIM:     Sure, but not like this.

GEORGE:     Strange, I don't remember fog in the forecast. You might want to slow--

SFX:     Tyres squeal, a horn blasts.

GEORGE:     --down a--LOOK OUT!

SFX:     CRASH! Metal crunches, glass shatters. More crashes follow. A car horn blares (6 seconds), fades out.

NARRATOR:     Kim doesn't see the bus ahead of her swerve into her lane until it's too late.

SFX:     Fade in a police siren.


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Zack
Posted: September 8th, 2019, 9:21am Report to Moderator
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Like what you came up with, Rene. I could follow this no problem. Also liked how you used the narrator. Much better than how I was incorporating him. Lol. I'd say this project is in good hands.


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hawkeye
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OK - so I understand -- Rene, you've crafted an opening.  What's next?  Should we take Rick's material and blend in with yours?  I can try to assimilate and edit in the Google doc, but I'm just worried that there's five people all doing different things, and no one knows what the others are doing, so we should just have some clearly defined roles for this opening episode.


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 8th, 2019, 10:37am Report to Moderator
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Apologies for the lack of updates, been a hell of a week in lots of ways. Then I was awaiting the opening part to our collective masterpiece, but alas it never came.

The stuff I've written on the Google docs is more pre-writing than actual writing. I was just expanding on the beats to explore the structure of the scene, more than anything.

Like Rene, I also took a stab at the opening which I'll post tomorrow after I've arranged it into something like a format. It's basically what Zack wrote, but expanded.

We can then meld, discuss and work out alternatives to the style. One we've worked out which style works best,  we can all follow it later.

We can then split what's left to write amongst whoever is left who wants to write and then collate it all and improve it.
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ReneC
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I wrote that early last week just to get a feel for writing a podcast. It isn't meant to be the official opening, it was just an exercise, but I like the format and wanted to share it. If it works for the opening, then great.


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Scar Tissue Films
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This was my initial effort, leaning heavily on what Zack provided.

I had it formatted like Rene's example, but it's lost the bold and underlining, for some reason. I'll re-add it later.

I added another car in the opening scene make the accident easier to  describe, although there is an increased possibility that people might not know we've switched cars. I think it should be fairly clear to an audience what's happening, though.

We've got so many characters and story-lines that I condensed it a bit, putting Olivia and Melvin in the accident as well. Seems to work.

New characters Bill and Silvia (Olivia's Parents) are just 'red coats' who are going to die in Hospital.

Looking at it, there's the potential to start a little earlier. More conversation between George and Kim (using Rene's stuff) or even a new scene with Jane and Anthony doing some Cop stuff to establish they're in the area...minor shoplifting or something.


GEORGE AND KIM IN THEIR CAR:


SFX: The HUMMING of a car engine is barely audible over classic rock MUSIC on a STEREO.

KIM: We're never gonna make it on time.
GEORGE: Kim, it's not my fault we're stuck behind a bus.
KIM: The Bus is moving quickly enough. Maybe if you'd come a little earlier, like I said, George!
GEORGE: Maybe. I'm sorry.
KIM: (BEAT)It's alright. As long as the traffic's clear through town, we should be OK. The table's booked for Seven.
GEORGE: We'll make it.

CUT TO CAR WITH OLIVIA AND HER PARENTS

SFX: A noticeably different engine noise and an absence of music.

SILVIA: Turn right at the junction, by the Pub. Watch out for the traffic coming the other way. It's a fast road.
BILL: I know the road, Silvia.
SILVIA: I'm just saying.
OLIVIA: Dad can we have the radio on? Dad can we have the radio on? Dad can we have the radio on?

SFX: Olivia's feet kicking the back of her Father's chair.

BILL: Olivia, will you please stop that!
SILVIA: Right, here, Bill. You can make it ahead of this Bus if you're quick.

BILL: OK.

SFX: Car pulling out.
SFX: Olivia's feet kicking the back of her Father's chair.

BILL: Olivia, Please!
SILVIA: Go on, quick. Wait, what the hell? Bill, look out!
BILL: Jesus, what is that? I can't see a thing!

SFX: Strange, whispering sound as Fog covers everything.

SILVIA: Stop the car!
BILL: I don't know where we are!
SILVIA: Just stop!

SFX: The SQUEAL of CAR BRAKES. An ALMIGHTY CRASH and the sound of Rending Metal as the Bus hits the car and turns it over.

CUT TO GEORGE AND KIM:

SFX: Classic ROCK music playing.

KIM: George--look at that!
GEORGE: What the hell is that? Fog? --Jesus! Brake! Brake!

Kim SCREAMS.

SFX: Car brakes SCREECH.
A deafening SMASH as they hit the rear of the bus.
The dull THUD of George's head hitting the dashboard.

A few tense moments of silence broken only by the Rock Music continuing to play.


CUT TO: BILL, SILVIA AND OLIVIA.

OLIVIA: Mommy, Daddy. Wake up. Wake up!

CUT BACK TO GEORGE AND KIM.

SFX: Rock Music playing, but the CD is skipping.
In the distance, a child CRIES and other voices cry for help.

Kim struggles to catch her breath, PANTS.

George GROANS as he comes to. He GRUMBLES, but his words aren't clear.

KIM: George? Honey, look at me.
Kim SNIFFLES as she fights back tears.

GEORGE: (disoriented) What... What happened?
KIM: We... We crashed.
GEORGE: My head hurts...
KIM: Oh God, you're bleeding. It's an old car. There's no airbags! I'll call an Ambulance.
GEORGE: No. We need...uh..we need to go. Before someone else hits us.
KIM: Go? Go where? We can't see a thing!
GEORGE: Anywhere, it's uh...it's not safe here.
KIM: OK. OK. I'll help you out. Hey, George? You with me, Sweetie?
GEORGE: Yeah... I just... I think I need to lie down. Tired.
KIM: No, you can't. George, listen to me. You need to stay awake. You've hit your head pretty hard.

SFX: METAL GRINDS as the car door is pulled open.
Footsteps as she exits the car. The opening of the passenger side door.

KIM:C'mon. Let's get you out of there.

SFX: KIM heaving George out of the seat.

Sound itself is different in this environment. The Fog cuts higher frequencies making everything sound muggy, distant and mysterious.


GEORGE: Find somewhere safe to get an Ambulance.
KIM: How? Can't even see five foot in front of me.
GEORGE: Walk to the side of the road. There's got to be a wall somewhere we  can follow.
SFX: Their footsteps as they stumble through the fog.
Then, the sound of a fence rattling a they get to the side of the road.
KIM: We're on the pavement at least. I'll call an Ambulance.

SFX: Key presses.

999 OPERATOR: Which Emergency service do you require?
KIM: Hello, Hello? We need an Ambulance. We need help. We've had an accident. My boyfriend's injured, we need help.


CUT TO JANE:

DISPATCH: Charlie Echo Four Five Two. This is Control. We're getting a report of an RTC in your vicinity. Please respond..
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: This is Charlie Echo Four Five Two. Officers Porter and McCall reporting. Recommend releasing an official weather alert. There's thick Fog out here. Visibility is extremely poor
DISPATCH: Will do. RTC is at the junction of Moorside Road and Brook Road. Please advise as to response time.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: We'll be there in two. OVER.
DISPATCH: Control Out.  
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Get the lights on.

SFX: SIRENS BLARE. Engine ROARS.


OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: You better take it easy. Or we'll be the next to crash. This is insane. Christ. Look at these imbeciles. You can't even see and they're still driving. Get out of the way!
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Most of them are pulling over, Thank God.
(BEAT) Alright, according to the GPS we're at the junction. Can you see it?
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Not yet. Wait, there.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Let's leave the car across the road to stop the traffic.
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Even the imbeciles round here should be able to see the Flashing lights.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Dispatch? This is Charlie Echo Four Five Two. We're on scene, over.
DISPATCH. Sitrep?
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: The Fog is so thick, we can't even see the accident yet. We're pulling over and approaching on foot. Out.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Ready?
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Always.

SFX: Sounds of both doors opening as the two Officers step out.
Immediately we can hear distant shouts for help.

OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Jesus. What is this? Fog, or smoke? You think we might need Gas Masks?
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Air seems breathable.
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: You sure?
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Not positive. (BEAT) Let's head towards the shout.

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: : THIS IS OFFICER MCCALL AND OFFICER PORTER  OF THE GREATER MANCHESTER POLICE! COULD SOMEONE PLEASE DIRECT US TO THE CRASH SITE?

MELVIN: OVER HERE! THERE'S THREE PEOPLE STUCK IN A CAR.

SFX: Sounds of Olivia crying getting louder.


MELVIN: Thank the Lord your here. There's three people in bad shape. That Fog came in, I just didn't see them. It all happened so fast. Are they going to be alright? Please tell me they're going to be alright?  There's a little girl in the back. It wasn't my fault. They drove straight out, and then another car hit me from behind.

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: OK, Sir, thank you.

MELVIN: Melvin. Melvin O Donnell.

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: OK, Melvin, please step back.
(Beat)
Sir, Madam?

OLIVIA: They won't wake up!

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: OK, Honey. We're here now. We're going to help them.
(BEAT)
Dispatch? This is Charlie Echo Four Five Two. Requesting an Ambulance and Fire Services on my position. We've got a RTC involving a Bus and a saloon. The saloon has been flipped and is trapped under the bus.  We have three passengers inside. One male around 40 and a Female mid-thirties, unconscious but breathing and a young girl, conscious, Over.
DISPATCH: All available Ambulances have been dispatched. There's been several incidents on the Motorways, Over.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: All of them, Over?
DISPATCH: Affirmative.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: This is an emergency situation, we require assistance,Over.
DISPATCH: We'll respond as fast as we can. You're looking at thirty minutes, over.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Thirty minutes, the Hospital is just down the road!
DISPATCH: All available resources are accounted for, Over.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: What the Hell's going on out there?
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Dispatch: Get in touch with the Council, the Media, whoever you need but you need to get people off the roads, Over.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Get the bollards and lights out of the boot of the car. Block off the road.
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: On it.
(BEAT)
If I can find the blasted thing.

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: OK. What's your name, honey?
OLIVIA: Olivia. My mum and dad won't wake up.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: They've had a bad accident. But we're going to help them, OK? Olivia, are you in pain anywhere? Your head, your back, your tummy?
Olivia: No.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Can you move your arms and legs?
OLIVIA: Yuu..yes.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: OK, I'm going to climb in and press the seatbelt release, OK? You'll fall down, but I'll break your fall, OK?
OLIVIA: OK.

SFX: Creaking of metal as Jane climbs inside the car.
The sound of the seat belt being released and Olivia falling to the floor.

OFFICER JANE MCCALL: It's OK, I've got you.
OLIVIA: Mommy! Daddy!
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: It's OK. We're going to get them out.
(BEAT) PORTER?

SFX: Sound of running footsteps.

OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: I'm here.
OFFICER JANE PORTER: Look after the girl.
OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: OK, come with me Honey.

SFX: A Sudden LOUD WHUMP as a fire starts.

OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: Christ, it's on fire!
OLIVIA: Mommy!
JANE: Officer Porter, Anthony, get a fire extinguisher from the car.
SFX: Sound of Officer Porter as he runs away.

MELVIN: Oh my God, Oh my God. They're going to die, aren't they?
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Sir, Melvin. Get back.

SFX: Running footsteps as Officer Porter returns.

OFFICER ANTHONY PORTER: The Fire Extinguisher.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Where's the girl?
OFFICER ANTHINY PORTER: Shit, she must have wandered off. I'll go look for her.
OFFICER JANE MCCALL: Forget it, I need you here. We'll find her later.
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Nomad
Posted: September 11th, 2019, 11:05pm Report to Moderator
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I haven't disappeared.

I had a lot of work this past week and then there was the whole issue of almost needing to evacuate my house due to a wildfire, followed by a 4.0 earthquake.

Just normal Southern California living.

I'll have to catch up on all the developments and chime in with my two cents.

Looks like you're all doing fine without my novice expertise.
I'm interested to see where this goes.

-Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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LC
Posted: September 11th, 2019, 11:49pm Report to Moderator
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Good to hear you came out of that unscathed, Jordan.  


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I lived in southern California for six years, been through the wildfire close enough to worry about and the earthquake in the "is that my upstairs neighbor banging around?" zone of uncertainty.

Glad to hear everything is fine.


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Warren
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This still happening?

Feels like it's time for an OWC...


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb
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Scar Tissue Films
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Feel free to request a OWC.
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Angry Bear
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Sorry for not having kept up with this Rick. I've been busy.  


Quoted from Warren
This still happening?

Feels like it's time for an OWC...

No OWC until October. It's a classic around here and most anticipated.  



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Dreamscale
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 10:13am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Angry Bear
No OWC until October. It's a classic around here and most anticipated.  



Well, October is only 2 weeks away.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Quoted from Dreamscale


Well, October is only 2 weeks away.



when the f*** did that happen?

Need to start xmas shopping


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Quoted from Matthew Taylor


when the f*** did that happen?

Need to start xmas shopping


You ain't kidding. This year is flying by.  


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LC
Posted: September 27th, 2019, 3:26am Report to Moderator
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How's the pod coming along, guys?


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Scar Tissue Films
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Hi Libby,

Pretty much ground to a halt for now, I think.

My fault. I haven't been able to do much recently. Been having a very weird time of things..two friends diagnosed with terminal illnesses, my father had to go in for emergency surgery for colon cancer, my Mother who is already recovering from Breast Cancer had a scare that it had returned elsewhere (thankfully not) my Uncle had a heart attack, a friend's father died from stomach cancer, My Aunty's been diagnosed with Breast Cancer...This is all in the last three weeks, it's been absolutely mental and I've been having to bus people back and forth from Hospital.

I'm still committed to the project though, I'll PM the contributors to see if they're still interested. We got a hell of a lot done, to be fair.
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ReneC
Posted: September 30th, 2019, 8:54am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Hi Libby,

Pretty much ground to a halt for now, I think.

My fault. I haven't been able to do much recently. Been having a very weird time of things..two friends diagnosed with terminal illnesses, my father had to go in for emergency surgery for colon cancer, my Mother who is already recovering from Breast Cancer had a scare that it had returned elsewhere (thankfully not) my Uncle had a heart attack, a friend's father died from stomach cancer, My Aunty's been diagnosed with Breast Cancer...This is all in the last three weeks, it's been absolutely mental and I've been having to bus people back and forth from Hospital.

I'm still committed to the project though, I'll PM the contributors to see if they're still interested. We got a hell of a lot done, to be fair.


Very sorry to hear that. Strength to your family and friends. You should definitely be there for them.

And if I were you, I'd get a check up.


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LC
Posted: September 30th, 2019, 9:13am Report to Moderator
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Oh Rick, I'm so sorry to hear that. You've really been through an incredibly stressful time, and still dealing with it by the sound of it. Make sure you look after yourself, mate. My thoughts and prayers to your loved ones and sending you strength and big hugs. Hang in there.


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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 30th, 2019, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
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I'm alright, just feel a bit strange. Too many different emotions in too short a time.
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Zack
Posted: September 30th, 2019, 6:12pm Report to Moderator
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That's awful, Rick Hope things start to go your way, Dude.


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Angry Bear
Posted: September 30th, 2019, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry to hear that, Rick. That's a lot to take in in such a short amount of time.


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khamanna
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I just read about what happened during past three weeks and Iím very sorry about that. Thatís too much. Hope it gets better for you and you hear good news about your family and friends. Iím glad your moms alarm turned out false.
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