After a few years of not doing much writing I have one fished first draft. I wrote it in hopes that it would be something Dena and I could film, but if someone offers me any $$ for it, I'll gladly go with that too.  

It's a horror feature with one location, pretty much, and only a handfull of characters. I suck at loglines, so any suggestions would be very much welcomed. This is what I have so far.

A young horror buff couple buys an old abandoned murder house with the intent to rent it out as a haunted bed and breakfast. However, when their cat's pet-cam records strange and scary things inside the house, they suspect real sinister things are afoot that may threaten their lives.

A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings.

Kinda long, imo, but worth a stab.

Stay spooked!

Sean

Excellent! It's improving by leaps and bounds already! That's why I love this place. Our members are the best.

Did I mention I have a cool poster to go with it too?  

Also too long, but I'm still looking at it.

When a young couple, infatuated with fictional horror, attempt to live out their fantasy by renovating an old murder house for B&B weekends-of-dread, their dream quickly turns into a nightmare when their cat's Pet-Cam captures real supernatural occurrences.

A poster is always a good thing!

Another take: Fictional horror becomes real life terror when a cat's Pet-Cam reveals supernatural entities in a murder house turned B&B by a young couple preoccupied with dark thoughts.

Take 3 and I'm off to bed: Fictional horror becomes real life terror when a Pet-Cam reveals actual supernatural entities in a murder house turned B&B by a young couple obsessed with the world of Stephen King.

I like all the suggestions offered above. I'll add one more to the mix:

After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a sinister force haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast.

Quoted from eldave1 I like all the suggestions offered above. I'll add one more to the mix: After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a sinister force haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast.

Dave, you remain the "logline guru".  That one is awesome!  

Quoted from kcranford Dave, you remain the "logline guru".  That one is awesome!

Thanks!

Quoted from Grandma Bear Excellent! It's improving by leaps and bounds already! That's why I love this place. Our members are the best. Did I mention I have a cool poster to go with it too?

Dave's is better distilled, but I have one last entry:

When a young couple's pet-cam reveals an evil entity haunting their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare.

You guys are the best! I like a lot of your suggestions. Going to see if I can combine them somehow. I should mention that the house is not haunted. There's actually a real killer in the house.

Quoted from Grandma Bear You guys are the best! I like a lot of your suggestions. Going to see if I can combine them somehow. I should mention that the house is not haunted. There's actually a real killer in the house.

One last stab

After a young couple installs a pet cam, they discover their lives are at risk from a real killer stalking them in their haunted house-themed bed and breakfast.

Hiya

haven't popped in for a long while but couldn't resist a longline challenge - and thats despite being really, really awful a them. Proved, I may say, in multiple competitions.

Anyway here's a throw of the dice, for the LOLs...


short

"Proud of their new horror themed b&b, a young couple's comfortable future is quickly threatened by unexplained images on a pet cam".


longer

"Proud of their new horror themed b&b, a young couple's comfortable future is quickly threatened by unexplained images on a pet cam dating back to a previous murder"


hey ho, have fun with them all, and well done for writing.

When a young couple's pet-cam reveals a dark intruder in their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare.

Quoted from steven8 When a young couple's pet-cam reveals a dark intruder in their horror-themed bed and breakfast, their dream venture becomes their worst nightmare.

Oh wow!  I like this one too. Lots of creative ideas on this theme.

I like Reef's and Steve's suggestions as well.

I love loglines and trying to write them.  Lots of good possibilities in this one!

Thank you all!  

I saved all the suggestions, but I think I'm going with this one since it best describes the script itself.

"A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings."

Quoted from steven8 I love loglines and trying to write them.  Lots of good possibilities in this one!

I totally suck at writing them. You'd think after all these years I would have a clue how to do it, but...  

Quoted from Grandma Bear Thank you all!   I saved all the suggestions, but I think I'm going with this one since it best describes the script itself. "A young, horror-obsessed couple convert an abandoned murder house into a supposedly haunted bed and breakfast, but find that something sinister resides within when their cat's pet-cam begins to capture strange happenings."

That works

Quoted from eldave1 That works

Agreed.

Lovely work

Not sure how the script is crafted but i love the idea of their love/passion - horror - backfiring and coming to haunt them. Scares are all ok if there’s no risk or truth etc

Also, is it their cat, or one that turns up - quite like the ‘taking in a stray’ angle. Why is there? What has it seen? Why does it survive etc?

Best of luck, you have been a master at the contained low budget script before

Hi Bill! Long time no see.

I was so happy to read your comment and then I started getting feedback on the script in question and apparently it sucks. Well, at least the second half.